Tokyo Days and Tokyo Nights.

Earthquake Stories.

2012-01-28T02:03:00.004+09:00

So, the fact of the matter is that I was way, way too hungover to write anything interesting during the Time of the Quake, but it was a fascinating time to be in Tokyo. I should probably write a few of these down.

First of all, the liver abuse. So epic. It turns out that not going to work for a couple of weeks during a possible apocalypse scenario is an irresistible license to party your face off, which I did. Vigorously. I met up with my friend...let's just call him AW...and his girlfriend in Osaka. Prior to his unfortunate relocation out of the country, AW was legendary for being a core member of a group of the cheapest drunks in Tokyo. We happened to be staying at the same shitty, dirt-cheap hotel, and we decided to go out clubbing. I knew a guy in Osaka who DJs all the time and was pretty well connected, so we were going to meet up with him at one of the millions of imitation Irish pubs that you can apparently find in every big city in Japan. Prior to that meeting, though, AW bought a bottle of shochu, which is basically potato/rice vodka. The evil thing about it, though, is that it's about half as strong, which makes it super...super...easy to over indulge. We killed a bottle between the two of us in about 20 or 30 minutes, and holy fuck, was that a bad idea.

I will finish this story a little later. Time for bed.

taptaptap...

2011-09-08T15:44:00.002+09:00

I doubt that anyone is really reading this thing any more, but I need to bump up my visibility on some new music and every bit helps. This is a track I've been working on for a while. I've been DJing in Tokyo by the name Modality for about a year now. My latest track is called "Stumptown Crunk," and I'm shopping around for a label now, as well as looking into self-publishing. I wrote the whole thing while in Portland over the summer. Back in Tokyo now and getting ready for some moderately high profile gigs. Good times!

Update from Osaka.

2011-03-19T10:13:00.001+09:00

I'm in the lobby of the hotel/hostel that I'm staying at. Not quite sure which one it is, since it has some clear characteristics of both. I have my own room, but bath and bathroom are shared. The joint has a Japanese style bath with what we will refer to as a hot tub and sauna. It's not really a hot tub, but I don't really know any words in English that would specifically cover a Japanese bath. Maybe just Japanese bath.

Anyway. The nuclear situation seems to be stabilizing. The news hasn't gotten noticeably worse for a couple of days now, which is a big relief. The drumbeat of ever-worsening news has been nerve-wracking, despite the fact that it has been generally acknowledged that the worst-case scenario is not particularly dangerous outside of a fairly small radius. I'm considering going back to Tokyo in the not-distant future, although I had planned a trip to Fukuoka, which is further west from here. The return trip to Tokyo would be a serious pain in the ass, though, and I'm not sure I want to spend the time/energy to make it happen cheaply and painlessly. It would involve spending a lot of hours on either a bus or a local train. I could take the shinkansen (bullet train), but they are pretty ridiculously expensive, and, even then, it would be a 6 or 7 hour trip.

So...we'll see what happens. I can probably stay in Osaka or Kyoto for a few more days, as well.

Going to try to get a few more hours of sleep, all the people checking out woke me up earlier than I wanted.

Hey everybody...

2011-03-16T12:26:00.000+09:00

I just woke up and checked the news. I realize that there's undoubtedly a lot of panic in the media right now over the nuclear situation in Japan, so I wanted to take a minute to address it and to let you know my future plans.

First, let me post a summary of a conference call with the British Embassy. Note that one of the questions addressed here was asked by the head of my school.

BEGIN BRIEFING
BCCJ Members Update on Japan’s Nuclear Power station situation

At 5pm Tokyo time (Tuesday 15th March 2011) a telephone briefing was given by Sir John Beddington the UK’s Chief Scientific adviser and Hilary Walker Deputy Director Emergency Preparedness at the Department of Health.

“Unequivocally, Tokyo will not be affected by the radiation fallout of explosions that have or may occur at the Fukushima nuclear power stations.”

The danger area is within the 30 kilometer evacuation zone and no one is recommended or will be allowed to enter this area other than those people directly involved with the emergency procedures currently being undertaken at both Fukushima 1 & 2.

Sir John went on to answer a series of questions including a comparison between Chernobyl and Japan. He said “they are entirely different, Chernobyl exploded and there was a subsequent fire with radioactive materials being launched 30,000 ft into the air. The maximum height of any Fukushima explosions would be no more than 500 metres."

“The radiation that has been released is miniscule and would have to be orders of 1,000 or more for it to be a threat to humans” This was confirmed by Hilary Walker.

He went on to say that the Japanese authorities are doing their best to keep the reactors cooled and that this is a continuing operation. All workers on site dealing with the emergency are being fully decontaminated at the end of each shift.

When asked on how reliable was the information coming from the Japanese authorities as to radiation levels he said “this cannot be fabricated and the Japanese authorities are positing all the readings on the recognized international inforamton sites which they are obliged to do. Independent verification shows that the data provided is accurate”.

In answer to a specific question from the Head of the British School in Tokyo, Sir John Beddington and Hilary Walker said that there was no reason at all for the school to be closed unless there were other issues such as power outages and transport problems.

David Fitton, First Minister at the British Embassy in Tokyo moderated the teleconference and confirmed that a transcript of the briefing will be available on the Embassy website later today.

BCCJ members are encouraged to regularly check the Embassy website as well as the Chamber website and Facebook sites for the latest information.
END BRIEFING

Please note that the British Embassy's sole duty in Japan is to protect its citizens...it has no motivation whatsoever to lie or cover up for the Japanese government. The French Embassy, which recommended that its citizens leave Tokyo, is also of the opinion that there is no radiological danger in Tokyo. I am presently in Osaka, which is about 750 kilometer from the reactor site. Let me be very, very clear. The expert opinion is that there is no danger to Tokyo from the nuclear reactors. There may be a slight, but not dangerous, bump in radiation levels, but no need to even leave Tokyo. The only reason that I left is because I effectively have a week of vacation, and Tokyo is just not a fun place to be right now due to rolling blackouts and panic over food and water.

There has been some talk of my returning to the United States, and I'd like to address that, as well. I do not wish to return at this time. Japan, presently, is my home, and I do not believe in abandoning your home except in the most extreme situations. In this case, the most extreme situation would be widespread contamination in Tokyo, which has been declared a virtual impossibility by very, very knowledgeable sources. Since I do not possess detailed knowledge, myself, of nuclear reactor design, I will defer to their expertise until it is demonstrated to be insufficient. So far, that has not been the case, and, in fact, the reactors are melting down in precisely the way predicted by experts, despite the occasional explosion. Yesterday, Tokyo's radiation level did spike to levels that were still under the normal daily background radiation level of Denver, Colorado. That's right. In the middle of a nuclear crisis, Tokyo is less radioactive than...DENVER ON A NORMAL DAY.

If the experts are proved wrong, and Tokyo does receive a significantly contaminating dose of radiation, then the likely scenario is that I will lose my job, return the States to give everyone a hug and a kiss...and then I will come back to Japan to see what I can do about helping to clean up. I love this country, even with all its flaws and warts.

I love you all. I'm fine. Please take care. I'm posting this to my blog, as well, and will be better about distributing updates via the blog.
http://tokyoiowan.blogspot.com/

-Ryan

Update.

2011-02-15T19:58:00.002+09:00

Well, well. It's been so long. Things have changed so much that I'm not even sure where to start. Bear with me.

First. I have been having crazy, crazy dreams. So vivid and so bizarre. It seems like something is trying to get out of my head, so I thought maybe I should let it out. Writing is always good for that. I might try to record some dreams here, although, usually, I am mostly concerned with getting my ass to work right after I wake up in the morning.

Second. I have a new job. I got a gig as a science technician at a private international school here in Tokyo. I play with chemicals and electricity and fire, and I get paid for it. The job isn't all roses, but it's improved tremendously since the first couple of months.

Third. The DJing has been going just smashingly, and I have a pretty big gig next month. It wouldn't be an exaggeration to call it the biggest of my DJ career, to date, and I hope to leverage it into other large events.

Fourth. One of the benefits of my new job is an even-more-tremendous amount of vacation than I had previously, which means that I can go back to the States for well over a month next summer...possibly nearly 2 months. I can't wait to see my friends and family, it's been way, way, way too long.

Awright, that about does it for an update. Hopefully the next one will include disturbing tales of my bizarre dreams.

Yesterday.

2010-09-17T10:27:00.001+09:00

I have 10 minutes to write a thoughtful, cogent post before my next class. I'm also a bit hungover and have had less than the ideal amount of sleep. Ahhh, a challenge.

Yesterday was the first day that I can remember in recent history when I felt happy. I'm referring to actual happiness over the course of an extended period of time, as opposed to just a moment or two of fleeting joy smack dab in the center of an ocean of low-level depression. Yesterday the weather finally...FINALLY...really broke, and we had a legitimately cool day and glorious, glorious rain. The rain was too heavy in the morning, but a perfect Oregonian drizzle for the rest of the day.

I went to my friend's art show opening. I had a quick dinner with my roommates. I DJed. I came home to my roommates having a few late night drinks, in which I also partook.

As I was speed-walking in the cool rain to the bar in Koenji where I've recently been DJing, it felt like a million pounds had lifted off of my shoulders. Seriously...fuck Tokyo summers.

New room and a haircut.

2010-09-06T19:14:00.002+09:00

I moved downstairs from my old room. It was pretty much awful on every conceivable level, but the new one is actually about 75% of the way to moderate niceness. 25 years ago, it was probably awesome. It's Japanese style, which means that there's a lot of wood and frames and paper and stuff. The paper, naturally, has a few holes in it. Technically, it's a tatami (woven straw mats) room, but the mats were long ago covered up with some moderately horrible wood-esque flooring. It doesn't look terrible, but the tatami would be a lot better if they weren't, undoubtedly, hideously stained. The floor has this generally mushy feeling, which is characteristic of tatami, but floors all over the house have kind of a similar feeling to them. This place won't last another 10 years, which is kind of a shame because there are very few houses left in Tokyo that are this old.

Other stuff: I'm organizing my stuff in a bid to throw out a god-awful plastic drawer thing where I was keeping everything. Jun hated it and I have developed a strong aversion to it, myself. I picked up 2 or 3 small plastic bins and have been going through it. I'm surprised to find that it all fits into a pretty small amount of space. Apparently organization really *is* important. See, I'm learning new things. My room is a bit of a disaster right now, but progress is being made. Might have it all put away tonight, I dunno.

More stuff: I've been DJing pretty regularly. I think I'm on track to DJ every weekend this month, actually. It's keeping me busy searching out new and improved music for the people. I've also been out to the clubs. After 13 years DJing, I'm a pretty big fan of dancing, if the music is up to par.

One more item of stuff: I talked to my friend Karen last night, and it was good to hear her friendly voice. She's going to send a care package, which is officially awesome. I'm grateful.

Last: I got a haircut today. I'm a little surprised that I made it this long, especially in this christ-awful heat, but it's pretty fucking short at the moment. I don't doubt that I'll grow it out a bit again in the not-terribly-distant future, but it's nice to have a low maintenance head again.

Ready to go back to school...

2010-08-17T00:54:00.003+09:00

The weather in Tokyo during August is nightmarishly horrible. Intense heat and intense humidity. Showering is basically pointless due to the fact that you'll be soaking wet again within a matter of minutes. Airconditioning helps, but sometimes has trouble defeating the heat. I've awakened sweating even with the AC on full blast. Once I get heated up, nothing cools me down quickly, as evidenced by the gallons of sweat following my walk/workout today, even after the shower.

Tomorrow is my last day of vacation. I'm going to spend it at the beach with some friends. I don't have much money left for this month, and it's expensive to get there, but I have to find enjoyment where I can right at the moment. I need it.

My new track is coming along well, but it is largely a process of trial and error; listening a lot to new changes and tweaks before deciding whether or not I want to keep them or tweak further. I wouldn't call it frustrating, really, but it's definitely extremely time consuming. I wish there was a way to speed it up, but maybe that just comes with more practice.

The story.

2010-08-03T21:19:00.003+09:00

I'm going to keep this short and sweet. Jun and I broke up last weekend. We had very, very different styles of communication, especially during times of anger or high stress, and we just couldn't make it work any more. It was a great ride...I don't have any hard feelings or regrets, but it was time. All good things come to an end, sooner or later, and bad ones too, for that matter. Our relationship had a fair amount of both, but, in the end, the good just couldn't compete with the bad any more.

I'm on vacation...I'll be keeping myself busy and distracted with my music. I have a track that's coming along. If anyone wants to call, I'd love to hear from you.

New place.

2010-07-28T21:31:00.002+09:00

I've moved into my new place and I'm feeling...well, depressed at the moment.

About the house: it's old. I'm told that it's over 80 year old, which makes it a rare survivor of the Tokyo firebombings in WW2. I tend to like old things, so that part is fine, but the bad part is that it will probably fall down (by itself) inside the next 10 years. My room is small, and not particularly clean or nice in any noticable ways. I decided that I probably just shouldn't do anything today, but tomorrow I'm going to give a good vacuuming and cleaning, which should marginally improve the situation.

I'll post another update tomorrow. Gonna watch a movie...

Cloudy day.

2010-06-25T10:49:00.003+09:00

The rainy season is officially in full swing in Tokyo. Warm and super muggy will quickly turn to hot and super muggy until fall comes in September. Fortunately, I have a big chunk of time off during the summer, and this is good because, of my 3 schools, only 1 is air conditioned in the classrooms. When it's hot out, I wake up sweating and continue to sweat until I get home and flip on the AC. It's not that great, but you get used to it.

Other news...not much, right now. I started working on a new song...it's coming along, but I'm having some trouble getting the introduction right where I want it. It'll all work out in the end.

Swimming.

2010-06-03T10:29:00.002+09:00

So, I went back to the pool yesterday after a long respite. I'd had a nasty cold on and off for about a month or so, but it appears that I've kicked it...so, back to the pool. I'm sore today, but I'll survive. It's always interesting to go to the pool because I'm invariable the only white guy there and the other swimmers are always pretty curious about me. A couple of tattoos and piercings undoubtedly attract attention, in addition to the fact that I'm a) not Japanese and b) have body hair. I'm used to people staring a bit, but the intensity level definitely gets cranked up in situations where there aren't many clothes involved. It doesn't really bother me.

I've been creatively stagnating a bit, so it might be time for another music project. I'm planning on slowing down some Robert Johnson tracks, but that's actually pretty mindless in creative terms, so I'm thinking it might be about time for another original track. We'll see what happens.

Facebook.

2010-05-14T14:30:00.002+09:00

I deleted my facebook account a couple of days ago. The privacy settings had become ridiculously convoluted, and the simple fact is that I no longer trust them with my personal information. I shouldn't have to constantly update my privacy settings in order to make sure that a website isn't spreading my information all over the web. Facebook's CEO has basically said that he doesn't think that their users' privacy is important, and, I'm sorry, that's just not acceptable.

Other stuff: Today I taught the first graders today at one of my schools for the first time. It was funny...they were excited, and probably a little scared, I think. One little girl was right on the verge of crying when it was her turn to introduce herself to me...she couldn't talk in front of the class, and I could tell she was about to lose it, so I smiled and gently sent her back to her seat. The Japanese teacher comforted her a little, but she still shed a couple of tears. Nothing too major, but I didn't want her to be traumatized by her first English class, so I came back to that class for lunch. I was glad to see that she was fine, and she came up to me and talked to me a couple of times, sans tears, and she helped out when a couple of the kids decided to give me a spontaneous back rub. I'll take it. They love touching me, for some reason.

I'm still working on the story of Jun's grandma's funeral, and it's turning out to be a bit more epic than intended. I'll try to wrap it up in the not-too-distant future.

Busy times.

2010-03-29T00:21:00.003+09:00

Well, a lot has been going on lately, but I haven't been posting to this blog much and I'm going to take some time over the next few days to rectify that.

First of all, I'm on spring break and it is friggin' sweet. I have 3 weeks off (2 of which have now passed). Nice.

So, I guess I should probably start the catching up with the end of the school year. In Japan, the school year ends in March, so I had to say goodbye to my students. Here's how that went:

As you may or may not know, I was teaching at both a junior high school and an elementary school. For reasons not entirely clear to me, I finished at the elementary school a week before the junior high, which threw my schedule into a bit of disarray. No big deal.

Saying goodbye to the elementary students was not that easy, however. I'd grown pretty attached to them over the year, especially some of the little ones, a few of whom had become totally enamored with me over the course of the year. I'll *never* forget one morning when a little boy took my hand and escorted me across the entire playground, smiling delightedly the whole time.

On my last day, I had my last class with some of the second graders. At the beginning of class, I told them, in Japanese, that it was my last day. Except for an occasional word here or there, I don't usually speak Japanese in class, but my last days at the school I made a some exceptions to that rule. So, I told them that it was my last day and then we conducted the class per usual.

A popular game with the second graders is something called "Fruit Basket." It's a form of musical chairs that is played in an inward-facing circle instead of back to back. We played the game, per usual, at the end of class, and finally the last bell rang. I scrambled of the students out of their seats for one last round of the game, and they eventually got themselves seated in their chairs again (small children aren't known, necessarily, for their rapid decision-making skills). After they'd gotten situated, I sat down, myself, in the middle of the circle, smiled, and started waving to my students.

It's a little difficult to accurately describe the moment when you realize that you could be crushed to death by a mob of screaming 2nd graders. They seem so cute and innocent, but then when they are piling on top you like a pack of crazed howler monkeys, well...it's not quite so fun then, now is it?

I make light, but it was actually extremely touching. Some of the students were crying. One kid took a hit to the mouth in all the excitement and ended up with a bloody lip. A couple of the students gave me several dozen origami cranes that they'd folded themselves. One girl gave me a handwritten note (in Japanese, of course) thanking me for teaching her and for being kind to the students.

I walked out of that school at a little after 4 o'clock on a Friday afternoon. As I made the long walk, for the last time, across the playground, kids from all over the playground yelled my name and waved goodbye to me. I felt a lot of love from them on that last day, and it's not something I'll ever forget.

Creative energy.

2010-02-09T09:03:00.001+09:00

So, I haven't been updating this thing much, largely due to the fact that I am channeling most of my creative energy into a couple of music projects.

First: I DJed a couple of weeks ago at a bar in Omotesando. There weren't a ton of people there, due to the fact that I arranged it a few short days before I actually played didn't have much promotion time. However, I was trying out some new gear live for the first time, and that's not necessarily the time to be working in front of a lot of people. In any case, the new stuff worked nicely and I'd call the evening a modest success, technically speaking.

I recorded the set, and here are the results:
Part 1: http://www.mediafire.com/?jn11mtm5qym
Part 2: http://www.mediafire.com/?gq5n3gywoye

Second: I am working on an original composition. Right now it's in the early construction stages...I have a beat. I have a hook. I have some harmonization. I'm working on the bass line. The next step is to arrange the components and add layers. I've done remixes, but this is actually *not* my first original composition.

HERE is my first original composition: http://www.mediafire.com/file/jrotwmzdquz/New Hope (instrumental).mp3. I started working on this track when I first got to Tokyo, literally on one of my first few nights in town, when I was couchsurfing and really had no idea what the fuck I'd be doing in a week or two weeks' time. I haven't really shared this track much, previously, because it feels strangely personal and because I didn't really like it much when I finished it. Time has brought a little perspective, though, and it is what it is.

While I'm at it, here is a remix that I made shortly after I composed that last track there: http://www.mediafire.com/?kdjmbmyza2n. This track was a lot of fun, although I confess that I'm not entirely satisfied with the final mix. On a large speaker system, it is definitely lacking punch, for some reason. I've been meaning to remix the remix, but I haven't gotten around to it.

So, there you have it. Busy times.

Busy, busy, busy.

2010-01-19T11:44:00.001+09:00

I've been working a lot with my new DJ software and hardware, and my work is starting to bear fruit. The problem is that a music collection as massive as mine requires and enormous amount of preparation time, in total, to prepare it for full use with the software. I can just load a track and play it, but there are a lot more options available if I do the prep work ahead of time. Sometimes it's really painless...others, not so much.

In other news, I've also been working on a short story. I wrote it both as a stand alone story, and as a potential opening chapter to a larger work. My 1st draft is done, in any case, and maybe now I can think about writing a follow up short story (or chapter 2, if you prefer).

BUSY!

Too long!

2010-01-11T16:11:00.002+09:00

I've been super busy working on a bunch of new music stuff recently, so I haven't been spending much time bloggin'. So, let's recap:

The holidays are over now. I started work last week after a nice, long vacation. There wasn't a whole lot of relaxing going on during vacation, but it was long.

Christmas was in Korea and New Year's was spent at Jun's parents' house. Both were fun and interesting, although Korea was a bit difficult, at times. I missed my family during the Xmas season (duhh). Jun's parents' place was a good time. Her brother and sister-in-law came over with their two kids, ages 6 and 8, and there was much tickling. We also ate and drank a lot of great food and sake, respectively.

On New Year's Day, we visited a shrine and then walked around a bit. More good times were had.

So, last week I only had one day of class and this week I'll be having 4 days...it's a short week. Yay.

There's the recap. Current projects include: putting together a DJ night here in Tokyo, practicing said DJing, and working on some remixing. I've been fairly tightly focused on the music, and I'd like to keep it that way for a while.

Done! More soon!

From South Korea.

2009-12-26T11:22:00.001+09:00

Jun and I are presently at a hostel in South Korea. The lounge is small, but cozy and comfortable, and it's from here that I am writing a quick blog post.

Yesterday was Christmas, and it was still depressing to be away from my friends and family. Jun and I bickered for a solid percentage of the day, which was not helpful. It happens. We had a crab and cake on Christmas Eve, but we didn't particularly *celebrate* Christmas. However, this year was still massively better than last year, as followers of this blog will be aware. Holy God, it was horrible.

We hiked and rode rented bikes around this small town that we're staying in, and I got some pictures that I'm feeling hopeful about. I'll need to see them in a large size to tell for sure...the tiny little camera screen doesn't reveal much.

South Korea is nice and it's interesting and I'll post more about it later, but right now I just miss my brother and sister-in-law's nice warm kitchen, and the warm love of my family. Maybe next year.

The Last Week.

2009-12-15T15:56:00.001+09:00

This is my last week before vacation...I have two more days at the junior high and 2 days at the elementary school. The elementary school has missed a bunch of classes, due to swine flu, so, naturally, I get to make up those classes. It's less than ideal...I spend a lot of my canceled class-time doing prep-work, but there's also a fair amount of thumb-twiddling. The thumb-twiddling time can be spent in some productive ways, such as learning Japanese or writing blogs, but I'd trade it for a balance...teaching 6 classes a day at the ES is very specifically *not* fun.

I have some new DJ gear on the way, which is good because I've been slowly losing my mind over the course of the last year. I like making music, but the spontaneity is definitely lacking when it takes me 3 or 4 hours to make a tiny beat loop that my perfectionistic-ass brain is still mildly dissatisfied with. Just loading up some tracks on the turntables and rocking out is massively more satisfying, and, more importantly, I need the damn practice so I can start DJing out again in Tokyo. I'm tired to trying to do it in electronics stores...it's funny, but it's shitty practice.

Anyway...next week, KOREA! Yay. Jun and I are excited, although I'm currently harboring a healthy paranoia about getting sick. Yeah, we'll see what happens on that front. After we get back, it's off to her parents for New Year's. I'll definitely have some healthy blogging to do when I get back, so keep your eyes on this here space.

Thanksgiving 2009.

2009-11-30T15:40:00.001+09:00

I spent Thanksgiving in Tokyo again this year. It was my second. This year, like last year, I had to work on the big day. Depressing at best. However, the work week ended and then I got in a quick phone call to the family as it was all winding down over at my my brother and sister-in-law's place. So, that was nice, although it was definitely a sorry-ass substitute for eating and drinking with my family.

Over the weekend, Jun and I celebrated properly. We (rather, she) managed to find whole chickens at one of our local butcher shops. They are awesome. The evening before, we also picked up some bread and herbs for the stuffing, and a few nice microbrews and wine. I looked for pumpkin pie, but failed terribly. I think I'll probably just have to make one from scratch, if I can find the ingredients. On Saturday, while I assembled our new storage box out on the porch, Jun skillfully whipped up the stuffing and threw the bird in the oven. It's funny how we easily slipped into the stereotypical gender roles, although that's not always (or even usually) the case. Later, as bird-eating time approached, I peeled up some potatoes and mashed them mercilessly and Jun completed the meal with a gravy, her first attempt.

Everything turned out great, except the gravy...although it tasted fine, it ended up looking like greasy, brown cottage cheese. My potatoes were a bit on the dry side. Next time, I'll be using more milk, I think.

This year, I am thankful: That my father is still alive. That I have a wonderful and caring girlfriend. That I have a fantastic family and friends. That I have a stable job. That my health is reasonably good. That I can get up out of bed and walk, every day.

Assorted things.

2009-11-24T10:14:00.001+09:00

For the last week and a half, I've been adding a single new Japanese word to my vocabulary every day. I call it The Word of The Day, or Kyo No Tango (今日の単語) in Japanese. In order to increase the impact of The Word of The Day, I'm thinking about starting a new blog called...this is creative, now...The Word of The Day. See what I did there? Creative, huh? Today's word is kitsuen (喫煙), which is a noun that means "smoking." It's relevant because I caught some junior high kids smoking last week (先週、中学生を喫煙して見たから、その単語は大切です。）

Yeah, well, we'll see how it goes. I have to set it up from home, and I have some other things keeping me occupied at the moment. I'll update in this space later.

One of those things that will be keeping me busy is that I recently discovered that I have the ability to mix with my laptop and keyboard, using the keyboard as my external controller (instead of CDs or turntables). The upshot of that is that I can compose and practice sets from home in advance of shows, and I can practice my little heart out and train up my ears. I had been going out to various electronics stores and hijacking their systems for practice, which is amusing but not very practical.

Finally, Jun and I got some bad news on Friday. It wasn't unexpected, but it's pretty personal, so I'm not going to post it here. Anybody who wants to check in should feel free...otherwise, my good friends will probably hear about it sooner or later. We'll just chalk it up to one of life's little challenges, but I'm a strong believer that those things make us stronger and better people. I've made a point of leading an interesting life, and it wouldn't be very interesting if it were always easy, now would it?

Gonna be a long day.

2009-11-17T09:36:00.001+09:00

I'm at the junior high right at the moment. In about 50 minutes, I'm scheduled to start the first of my classes for the day. The teacher I'm with tends to be a little bit difficult in the classroom, so it's always interesting.

On Saturday, Jun and I went to Asakusa to meet her parents. Asakusa is really freaking cool. So much of Tokyo looks exactly the same, and it has this tendency to just kind of melt all together, visually, but Asakusa has this old-school noir vibe that I haven't felt anywhere else. The streets are wider and the buildings are older, and it has this beautiful, enormous shrine, complete with pagoda, at the end of a long, outdoor market, carefully lit up with rows of the most beautiful lamps. Around the shrine are a number of open-air restaurants, one of which we went to and had beer and sake and lots of Japanese snacks, which I can't currently remember the name of.

So, first we met up at the Kamiya Bar, a famous bar housed in an extremely rare pre-war building in Tokyo. It's fair to say that most Americans aren't aware of this anymore, but Tokyo was firebombed viciously during WW2, and very, very little architecture survives as most of the city was burned to the ground. More people died in that single firebombing than at either Hiroshima or Nagasaki. So, old architecture just basically doesn't exist here, which is incredibly tragic just on humanitarian grounds and also personally problematic, since I am a known and epic architecture-phile (thanks Dad). The good news is that many shrines were rebuilt in the classic style, but most of Tokyo's western influenced architecture, of which there was *a lot*, is simply gone forever. Kamiya Bar is one of those old buildings, though.

So, we met at Kamiya Bar and had a couple of drinks and then headed out to explore Asakusa. First stop was the shrine and outdoor market. The market is sandwiched between a couple of massive gates, which are particularly popular in Japanese and Korean tradition, and probably Chinese, as well, although I'm not familiar enough with China to say definitively. Asakusa is really popular with tourists, so there were lots and lots of foreigners (but mostly Japanese, per usual). Second stop was at the outdoor bars and more beer, snacks, and some sake. Last stop: a really nice little soba shop, and then back to her parents' place.

Sunday night was shabu shabu, which is kind of like fondu, but with more veggies and a very light broth instead of oil. Somebody sent Jun's dad a bottle of really freaking expensive sake, which we cracked and imbibed freely. We're talking Dom-priced sake here. God help me, I'm going to be a massive sake snob when I get back to the states. Guess I can add that to beer and coffee and my other little proclivities. *sigh*

As usual, the trip was great for my Japanese, since Jun and I speak English about 70% of the time, and her parents were really nice to me. As usual, listening is the big problem...I can generally communicate more or less what I want to, but understanding the answer is usually a nightmare. I'm doing my best (頑張っているよ).

Interesting thing about language acquisition.

2009-11-09T13:55:00.001+09:00

So, obviously, I've been working on my Japanese since I got here, and there's been definite improvement. I've noticed, though, that most of the foreigners who speak solid conversational Japanese have either spent a minimum of a 3-4 years in Tokyo or work in a field that requires them to use Japanese almost constantly. Part of the reason why I'm here is, indeed, to develop a solid command of the Japanese language, but I hadn't really fully considered the amount of time that it will take. I thought maybe a year or two would do the trick, but I've realized that, in fact, it'd take a year or two of nearly constant study to achieve fluency in that amount of time. I study, but not constantly. I have to at least maintain the thin illusion that I'm working, and it's just not possible.

Anyway, I'm learning. I don't know where I'll be in the year and a half or so that I have left here, but I'll be working on it. We'll see. Who knows, maybe the States will explode in a further shitstorm of economic meltdown and I'm forced to stay longer. Anything is possible, right?

Post office.

2009-11-05T22:53:00.002+09:00

So, the post office here is incredibly horrible. My parents sent me a package weeks ago, and it has yet to arrive. The package contained, of course, my incredibly expensive turntable head shells and needle cartridges. The post office apparently tried to deliver the needles, but was confused by the fact that I hadn't notified them of my change of address. Notification followed, of course, but by this time the confusion had already occurred. Now, of course, the office is basically refusing to acknowledge the existence of any such package. Jun is on the case, however, we are both very...very...frustrated. Ugh.

Update from the belly of the beast (aka the junior high school)

2009-10-19T15:29:00.002+09:00

So, last week I was really sick, which is unfortunate because it was my first full week living with Jun. Fortunately, it's not the first time she's seen me feverishly rolling around in my own sweat and was a good sport about the whole thing. She even made me soup.

I missed a couple of days of work, which wasn't ideal, and I spent Monday, a holiday, sick. That kinda sucked. Over the weekend, we had planned to meet one of Jun's many international stalkers to show him around parts of Tokyo, but it's hard to do that with a fever and horrible intestinal cramping. It's too bad, because a) he seems like a nice guy, and b) it's harder feel good about hitting on someone's girlfriend from abroad if you've met their boyfriend. The good news is that he sent us some cocktail sauce and wine from Canada, and we had a nice shrimp dinner with the cocktail sauce. It's apparently impossible to buy here, for reasons unknown. The Japanese market is strange in many ways.

So, tonight I'm headed off to the city office to officially change my address and get my new insurance card. I get off work at 4 and they close at five, which is going to make this complicated. I hate complicated. Also, Japanese paperwork is *not* multilingual. This is not the California DMV, where I have my choice of paperwork in 17 languages. This is Japan. I have my choice of Japanese...and Japanese, which is, incidentally, one of the most difficult written languages in the world. They really cotton to foreigners around these parts.

Ashes bio: still in progress. Actually, typing at home is kind of a pain, which is really slowing my progress...need to figure out a way around that.

Signing off. Must work.

*edit* Actually, the paperwork was in Japanese and English. I was a little unfair to the good people at the Foreign Registration desk, which is not cool. I don't want to become another incessantly whining 外人 (foreigner). There are a lot of them.

Working on it...

2009-09-26T15:56:00.003+09:00

I'm still working on Ashes' biography...turns out that it's going to be a bit of a bigger project than I'd originally envisioned, but I think I can probably have it done within a week or two. It turns out that 10 years and multiple moves together ends up being a lot of history. A lot of her history and a lot of mine. To do it justice will take some time, but I'll take it. I want to remember her as completely as I can.

So it goes.

Jun and I are headed over to her folks place tonight for some sushi and really...really...nice sake. Fortunately or unfortunately, I'm soon going to have to add sake to my ever-growing list of snobberies.

So it also goes.

Bye Sara.

2009-09-23T19:21:00.000+09:00

Well, I just put Sara on the train a few hours ago, and she is now somewhere over the Pacific Ocean. We had a really good time at the onsen and around Tokyo, and I'll be putting up some pics sometime soon. It's been a nice distraction from the loss of my kitty, but I still owe Ashes a full accounting of our time together, so I'll be working on that in the next few days.

I already miss Sara (eeenchhh).

The Sadness.

2009-09-16T19:21:00.002+09:00

My cat, Ashes, passed away this week. I'm planning on writing a long blog about as many memories of her as I can dredge up, but I can't actually work up the willpower right at the moment.

I loved my sweet kitty. I'll miss her for the rest of my days.

Needing to get back in the habit...

2009-09-07T12:18:00.001+09:00

I've gotten out of the habit of updating this thing since summer vacation and my trip to Oregon. I don't really have a particularly good excuse, I've just been distracted by life back in Tokyo, I guess.

I started work last week, and everything went pretty smoothly. The junior high is usually easy, and I think I'm hitting a pretty high level of comfort with the elementary school. It's definitely more challenging, but practice goes a long way toward smoothing things out.

In other news, Jun and I will be moving in together soon. I basically live at her apartment, as it is now, and that doesn't seem likely to change any time soon. We have to work out some of the specifics in term of storing some of my stuff, since the place is not large, but I don't foresee any problem. We'll either get a storage room somewhere else or buy a little storage cabinet to keep out on the balcony, which is actually bigger than the apartment...might as well put it to use.

I'm DJing on Friday at a party for a bartender...I need to practice up a little, but it should got pretty smoothly, I think. I'll be heading to my local electronics store to hijack some of their gear a few times this week. I'm seriously considering picking up more gear, but that seems like a bad idea, maybe. I still have a lot of stuff back home, and it'd probably make more sense to just have it shipped over.

Anyway, I'm going to try to blog a bit more than I have, lately. It's cathartic, and it lets people know what I've been up to. It's easy to write when things are shitty, but it's a little harder to pull out the inspiration when things are going well...so I guess things have been going well. Yay, me.

Long time coming.

2009-08-23T19:05:00.003+09:00

Due to a surprise party for my dad back in the States, I had to stop the blogging for a while. When nearly your every thought is centered on an upcoming even, it makes it difficult to concentrate on others things.

In any case, the surprise party was a huge success. My sister, Sara, flew in from LA and I made the trip from Tokyo. Further adding to the surprise, my girlfriend, Jun, came along as well. The parents had no idea that we were in town, or, in my case, the freaking country. I think you, my dear reader, can imagine the shock.

Sara, Jun, and myself were sitting on the back porch at my brother's place in Oregon wine country. My brother, Jeff, had carefully set the trap, with the help of my aunt and uncle, also in town from California, and now all that remained was to spring it. My parents came out onto the back porch and around the side of the house where we were sitting.

My mom took one look at my sister, whom she had spoken to (in the airport) that morning and screamed and clapped her hands together. She then looked to her left and saw me, screamed a little louder, and clapped again. She then looked slightly further to the left and saw Jun, whose picture she had only seen, and screamed a final, third time...the loudest and perhaps most delighted scream of the three. She then promptly broke into tears. Meanwhile, my dad's jaw was very nearly literally on the ground...he was basically dumbfounded.

So, we had a nice round of hugs with everyone and proceeded to drink beer and eat barbecue and have a generally fine time. Jun took to my family like a fish to water and they took to her with great, great delight, which I think reflects very well on all parties involved. In addition to the intrinsic rewards of being home in Oregon, spending time in its natural beauty with my incredibly wonderful and loving friends and family, it was amazing to see it all through Jun's eyes. She absolutely fell in love with everyone she met, and was constantly awed by the Oregon scenery. One of the things that I think I'll never forget about the trip were her constantly murmured expressions of awe. She is a wonderful person.

So, I owe great, great thanks to my brother and sister, who sprung for my ticket, and especially to my brother for generously lending me my old car so that would could get around hassle free. Good god, what a time. Awesome.

Summer vaction and DJing!!

2009-07-16T17:55:00.003+09:00

So, I taught my last classes today for the next six weeks! I am excited. I still have to work a bit, but it's all more or less silly training exercises...I literally have to be at work for about 3 hours a day. Following that, we're supposed to do some reading and possibly some worksheets, but I'm thinking that it will be pretty light. Nice. I also have 3 weeks off, paid, which is AWESOME! I'd like to do some traveling around Japan, but I have to do some research first. The summer months here are going to be hot as hell, but I should be OK. Maybe I can find a nice place in the mountains to go camping or something.

Tonight I am going to meet a friend of mine and discuss my DJ night at the new club in Aoyama. I'm really frickin' excited about hooking this up. I have a lot of work to do, though. I need to name the night, put out a flyer, and scare up at least one more DJ. I'm planning on playing a long set, though, so I think I can get away with just one more person DJing. The important thing is to get as many of my friends and their friends there as possible. I should be able to fill it up, and that's good for my friend's business and it's good for me. Assuming all goes well, I can start eventually charging a door cover and paying my DJs (and myself). However, above making money, the main goal is to have a fun party. If I can make that happen regularly, then money will follow. Guess we'll find out, won't we?

The Weirdness.

2009-07-12T00:37:00.002+09:00

This week, I've had the joyous fortune to be struck down by yet another bout of horrible illness. Yay! Super-duper fun. I had a fever of 39 degrees and missed 3 days of school, which is totally awesome. My company probably won't fire me.

Jun and I went out for yakitori, tonight, and had a couple of beers. While we were in the tiny restaurant, we began discussing the start of the Iraq war, an emotional topic for both of us. The conversation grew quite heated, even though we were both in total agreement. It was just a high level of intensity. After we finished our food and beer, I suggested that we leave. It was around that time that we both noticed that the entire place had become deathly quiet. The other customers were giving us odd looks, and we simultaneously realized that they were under the assumption that we were having a pretty significant argument of some sort. Jun apparently picked up a lot of sympathetic looks, and I picked up a couple of really quick, not-very-friendly looks. She had been more overtly agitated than I had been, so we later drew the conclusion that they had surmised that I had committed some sort of grievance against her, which she was airing out.

It was a strange example of miscommunication, where the reaction to our conversation had nothing to do with our actual conversation. It was a really bizarre experience, overall.

DJing in Daikanyama.

2009-06-28T20:32:00.002+09:00

Last night I spent another evening in the smoky, dimly lit bar that has become one of my semi-regular haunts. It's located in Daikanyama, a small, fashionable district near Shibuya, which is a major Tokyo hub. I have been playing there with my friend Andy and a few other acquaintances for a small, regular party, and I'd expected to arrive to the party just on time to start my set at 10pm. Well, I arrived on-site, properly in the nick of time, and discovered, to my chagrin, that my usual crew was not in attendance. Puzzled, I sought out the owner, who promptly informed me that, in fact, our usual get together had been the night before, a Friday. Whoops. Usually, it's on Saturday, but...whoops.

So, he then asked if I'd brought tracks, to which I replied in the affirmative, and he told me to take over the turntables, which I did. He likes what I do on the decks, and I found out that he's opening a new bar next weekend with a larger space with the potential for more noise. All in all, it ended up being a pretty pleasant screw up on my part, although I dislike be flaky as a general rule. I played for a little over 2 hours without worrying about the schedule or other DJs. Nice.

Today, Jun made some fish for brunner (breakfast/lunch/dinner) and it was really good, for the most part. I say "for the most part" because majority of the fish was delicious. However, I, being adventurous, had decided that the fish intestines might be quite delicious and promptly tried a nice little chunk.

Now, I don't mind being wrong, but it can be momentarily challenging to overcome the nagging disappointment in oneself in the immediate aftermath of being *that* fucking wrong. The flavor of the intestines was utterly, horrifically repulsive. I squashed the urge to light my tongue on fire, made a face at Jun that clearly said, "for the love of god, burn my tongue out of my head," and began groping desperately about for a beverage.

So, uh...be careful with fish guts.

Email updates, summer in Tokyo, and misc. crap.

2009-06-22T19:27:00.002+09:00

I've set this bad boy up so that I can email blog updates. It'll allow me to update from anywhere, but, more importantly, it'll allow me to securely update the blog from school via my encrypted gmail account while I'm killing time. I don't necessarily want anyone at school stumbling across this thing. I am a fan of the privacy. If I go to the website, then it gets logged deep in the bowels of the school system's proxy server, and I'm not a fan of that. Call me paranoid...it's OK, I admit it. However, if I email it...then it's just another email that they theoretically can't read without putting me under some serious observation. Then they have to translate it.

Today was the first day of summer in Tokyo, and, good lord, it felt like it. It wasn't hot, really, at all...I think it was about 80 or so...but the humidity was a mere 94%. Walking outside effectively felt like taking a shower without being anywhere near a shower. It's going to be hellish when it actually gets hot, which may actually be as soon as tomorrow. I don't really care at this point, although I think that the days of running my computer 24/7 are coming to a close until things cool down again in a few months.

Other news: I am moving again next week to another guesthouse in Mitaka. I'm pretty happy about it since realizing that my current guesthouse is your basic shithole. I didn't particularly have that opinion when I first moved in, but I was mainly just happy not to have to travel 1.5 hours to work every day. That happiness and joy lasted about 3 or 5 weeks, when I started my new job, when I re-commenced traveling all the frickin' way across Tokyo. Anyway. Soon, I'll be about 20 minutes from work, the way God intended it.

Awright, I think I'm done for the day. Let's try out this email thing...

Pops and the weekend.

2009-06-16T18:10:00.003+09:00

First things first: my dad is back in the hospital. They apparently don't think it's serious, but that's what they said last time. So, I am concerned, but he's where he needs to be. He is *not* having a heart attack, so that's the main thing.

So, the weekend. Jun and I went to her parents place to have dinner with her folks, brother, sister-in-law, and niece and nephew, whom she refers to as "The Little Monsters." Well, shockingly, they pretty much fell in love with me at first sight, particularly her nephew, Koki, who is 5. They are both adorable.

We had sashimi (sushi without rice patties, just slices of fish), and I handrolled sushi rolls for the first time. We had beer and some really nice 日本酒 (sake) from Nigata prefecture, which is where Jun's father was born.

Her parents were great...really nice and very welcoming. We spoke almost entirely in Japanese, of course, and I did pretty well, overall. Jun had to step in and translate occasionally, but that's to be expected. It's getting easier and easier to have basic conversations, but I still have a long, long, long way to go. They seemed to like me a lot, which made both of us happy.

After dinner I played with the kids and, naturally, there was a lot of giggling and yelling. Koki ended up crying and bleeding, also naturally. I don't know what it is about children and bleeding, but I've seen enough bloody children to last a lifetime...

Anyway. It was really nice.

So, my health apparently really sucks.

2009-06-11T20:34:00.002+09:00

I went back to the doctor today. He looked at my throat and immediately put me on IV antibiotics, which was pretty swell. I've been having tonsillitis, which is not normally really all that serious. However, I've been fighting it for about 6 weeks or so, which is maybe a bit abnormal. I'm working with a theory that I have destroyed my immune system with all of the cheerfulness and 6-hours-a-day train riding and epic poverty that I have enjoyed so immensely since I got here.

Well, whatever. Things have been pretty good, of late, aside from the constant exhaustion (see destroyed immune system theory above). I think if I can make a point of getting enough sleep, I might just turn a whole corner on this whole Tokyo thing. After only 8 months of constant struggle. Exciting!

Too long, dammit.

2009-06-03T08:38:00.002+09:00

Awright...so much news to report. I have been a bad blogger again.

First, foremost: the old man is OK. He is recovering in an undisclosed location (OK...my brother's house) and seems to be in pretty good spirits. We talked on Saturday for a little while and he sounded really good. I would've liked to have talked longer, but I've been fighting a(nother) cold and my throat was not feeling so hot. In fact, I've been fighting what appears to be the same fucking cold for about 6 weeks or so, now, and I finally went to the doctor last night and got an industrial strength prescription of antibiotics.

In any case...I am super happy that Dad is OK, and I'm really looking forward to having a lot of conversations in the future about his plans for retirement. He should be back home either now or within the next day.

Next: I switched doctors. I went to a clinic in Roppongi, which is widely known as a den of sin and debauchery, with many foreigners unwittingly falling prey to its charms. Every person in Japan has heard the story of the guy who accidentally spent $2000 in a Tokyo club without knowing what he'd spent it on, exactly. These stories almost invariably originate from Roppongi hostess bars, which are clubs where Tokyo business men go to escape their wives in the company of women who pretend to find them interesting. Don't ask.

So, then. Here's the lowdown. Rather than pancreatitis, which I had already determined, correctly, that I do not have, the new and vastly improved physician told me, following a CT scan, that I have a calcified stone stuck in my abdomen. He wasn't totally clear on the location, but he is thinking somewhere in my colon. He's sending my radiology report to a specialist in Kyoto, and I'll go see him next week to see what the deal is.

The difference in competence and professionalism between this and my last clinic is so vast that it's difficult to believe that the two offer ostensibly similar services.

I could continue to blog, there's plenty of other shit going on, but I'm exhausted at the moment, so I think it's time to pack it in. Maybe I can squeeze in another one tomorrow. Goodnight, y'all.

time for a quick attitude adjustment.

2009-05-26T18:35:00.002+09:00

I was on the phone with my friend B yesterday, and I was feeling pretty shitty. In fact, I think it'd be fair to say that I was feeling epically motherfucking shitty. Feeling sorry for myself. Feeling that I'd somehow been cheated out of or denied some well-deserved good fortune.

So, I was talking to B and bitching a regular blue streak, mostly about my financial situation....you may have noticed that my previous blog post was a love letter to my horrible financial situation, in a similar vein to my conversation with B. It's become a bit of an obsession, but I guess that's what happens when your student loan provider calls you every 8 hours to remind you that they need to get paid, despite the fact that you applied for a deferment weeks ago.

But I digress. Anyway, I was on the phone with B, and I realized that I was sounding pretty pathetic. Admittedly, it was a bit of a low point, but the fact remains that I do not enjoy being or sounding pathetic. So, it's time to get something straight: there are a lot of good things in my life, and I need to remember them.

1) And this really is Numero Fucking Uno: My father is still alive. He could teach a mule a thing (or three) about being stubborn and he's still kicking. It's very likely going to take a lot more than a heart attack or two to stop my old man. Did I mention that he worked all day after major heart attack? Yeah. That's stubborn.

Now, in no particular order:

2) I have an amazing, loving family, who supports me even when I do crazy shit like run off to foreign countries to live in poverty.
3) I am blessed by the company of a beautiful, intelligent woman who is crazy about me.
4) My friends really love and care for me more deeply than I could have imagined possible, or imagined that I deserved, once upon a time.
5) My financial situation will eventually improve here, and I will achieve my goals in Japan. That's not an assertion or an idle promise, it's a fucking fact. I will not ever...EVER...be stopped, by anything short of total, absolute catastrophe. When I set to do something...and you may take this to the bank...I will accomplish my goals. The goalposts may shift from time to time, because I am willing to adapt to events as they occur, but I will not be deterred in my mission once I truly make up my mind. I am my father's son, and I learned how to be fucking stubborn from the King, as did my sister and brother.

Last, but not least:

6) I can walk. I'll have to explain this one another time, but let me assure you, it's something that I need to remember to be grateful for every single day. Sometimes I forget, but today I am grateful that I can walk, as you should be, as well.

Holy god.

2009-05-25T23:06:00.004+09:00

So, my prolonged financial nightmare is just determined to make itself horrible for at least another day or two.

So, after about 7 weeks without a paycheck, I have finally run completely the fuck out of money here in Tokyo. I have about 600 yen to my name, which is about 6 dollars US. I get paid on the 28th, a few days from now, but I don't think I've actually been this broke in at least 10 years. To say that it is unpleasant is a massive understatement.

My bank account in the States is inexplicably frozen. I tried to pull out some money that my parents had deposited for me...let me just interject here...I really hate borrowing money. I really, really, really, hate borrowing money. But I did. So, today, I had this nice idea that I'd just pop into a 7-11 and withdraw some cash for...you know...food, and stuff. But, no. My account is frozen.

So. Let's wrap this up, I need some sleep: My father almost died last week and is still in the hospital. I am completely out of money, to the point where I'm going to have to stiff the turnstile at the train station tomorrow. I just called my bank to see what the fuck is wrong with my account, and...surprise...it's a national fucking holiday. Bank's closed.

I look forward to being able to look back at the utter financial disaster that coming here has been and laughing and laughing and laughing. That should only take about a decade.

Anyway. I called my company and they're going to give me an advance on my paycheck. I'll call my bank tomorrow and try not to completely lose my mind on some poor sap on the phone.

My dad.

2009-05-25T11:01:00.002+09:00

My father had a heart attack this weekend, and am stuck in Tokyo, 5000 miles away from my friends and family. He's still in the hospital, but the prognosis is looking good.

The only thing keeping me sane here has been the support of my girlfriend, Jun. I don't know what I'd have done if I'd been here alone.

To be clear....

2009-05-12T21:06:00.003+09:00

...I do not have pancreatitis, and the doctor who told me that I did is apparently an incompentent, lazy piece of shit. I have *slightly* elevated lipase levels. We're talking about 4 units above the maximum for my height/weight/age/etc. So, the max is 57 and my score was at about 61. Now...*drumroll*...cursory investigation by me, a layperson, reveals that pancreatitis typically causes elevated lipase levels of 5 to 10 times the normal maximum.

I fucking hate incompetence, and I'm not setting foot back into that goddamn clinic. They have utterly...utterly...failed to treat anything that I've seen them for in the last 6 months. Time for a switch.

So, what does this all mean, hmmm? Well, it means I need a new clinic, and I've found one. They're affiliated with Johns Hopkins, so I'm hoping (probably in vain) that I can find a doctor there who is: 1) capable of using diagnostic tools effectively, and 2) capable of correctly fucking interpreting what a drunk first-year fucking med student should be able to suss out with a minimum of effort. I found this lipase shit on Wikipedia and then confirmed it on another site after noticing that Dr. Douchebag's 47 prescriptions weren't doing a goddamn thing.

OK, I feel a little better. I'm make an appointment tomorrow. Jesus God.

*edit* it occurs to me that this post is really angry. It's the result of a lot of frustration. I'm not changing it, though, this is where I unload many of my innermost feelings, for good or bad.

Jun.

2009-05-11T21:55:00.003+09:00

Jun: pronounced like June.

I talked to the family this weekend and there were a lot of questions floating around about this new girl I've been dating, so I'll try to resolve some of those questions here (I'm looking your way, Mom).

We met at a couchsurfing hanami party in Shinjuku. It was the first warm day of the year, really beautiful. I don't believe we actually talked at the party, but there was a small after-party party in another park in Shibuya with about 5 of us. Even here, we didn't talk directly to each other a lot, but I was definitely attracted to her right off the bat. However, I was still, at this point, in not-really-looking-for-dating mode, and I was quite detached from the opposite sex. Fortunately, about a week later, I had an incident that made me realize that it might not be such a good idea for me to remain closed in this way, and I asked her out shortly thereafter. She said yes, although she tells me that she wasn't particularly considering it a date. I'm apparently sneaky about the dating.

OK, so enough with the background. Here's the pertinent info...

She's Japanese. She lived in Canada for a number of years and reads, writes, and speaks English, and regularly asserts that she is more Canadian than Japanese, although she *is* quite Japanese in many ways, as well...just not her overall attitude and outlook on life, if there can be said to be a single "Japanese" perspective. I don't think that there can, personally, but she's definitely on the fringes of the bell curve.

She works for a TV company in Japan. She likes drinking and swearing inappropriately in English, despite the fact that she is stylish, cultured, well-read, very well-traveled, and self-possessed. Anyone who knows me is aware of my predilection for contradictions, so this habit of swearing that she has is particularly endearing. She apparently has an eye for contradiction as well, because I can hardly be described as stylish, although I am aware that there is something about my physical presence that makes up, to some extent, for my minimal attention to the fine art of dressing oneself appropriately.

She's older than I am. She's beautiful. When we go out, people stare and stare and stare. Even as used to being looked at as I am, now, it's still a little disconcerting to see how intently we provoke others' interest when we're together. I don't get the sense that it's particularly hostile, but it's weird, nonetheless. I don't have a real sense of what they're thinking. Perhaps we just make a striking couple. I'm big in the states, but I'm fucking huge here...she's not a tall woman, despite her constant cheating with tall shoes, so maybe it's the size difference or something. I don't know.

Anyway, it's been really nice. In fact, I think it's fair to say that our time together has been, by far, the most fun that I've had in Tokyo.

So...thank you, Jun. You've greatly enhanced my life in a very short time.

The date.

2009-05-06T19:26:00.003+09:00

As previously noted, it is Golden Week in Japan, which means that I've had Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday off this week. Today is my last day of vacation, and I'm a bit sad about it. Fortunately, the weekend is only 2 days away.

I had a date on Monday with J...we'll just call her Jun. I think that's still anonymous enough. Anyway. Had a date with Jun. We went to Kamakura, which is a small town outside of Tokyo that is very famous for its many, many shrines and a 1000 year old gigantic Buddha. Jun and I went to a couple of shrines and then went to Chinatown in Yokohama. Normally, we'd probably have had a drink or two and then possibly some hanky-panky and then that'd probably be the end of the story, but it did not go according to the usual routine...

The date started 56 hours ago...it's still going.

golden week.

2009-05-04T00:29:00.002+09:00

It's Golden Week here in Japan. What the hell is that, you ask? Well, the snarky answer would be to tell you to go to Wikipedia and look it the hell up, but I will save you the trouble.

Golden Week is a series of four Japanese holidays: April 29, Showa Day (aka Hirohito's B-day Par-tay). Then, May 3, Constitution Memorial Day. You should read the story of the Japanese Constitution sometime, it's quite interesting. Next we have May 4, Greenery Day. Technically, this holiday is supposed to be for the appreciation of nature, but is apparently mostly a filler holiday to round off Golden Week. It would be less Golden if everybody had to go back to work for a day in the middle of it. Last, May 5, or, as it is known in Japan, Cinco de Mayo. Japanese binge on sushi and tequila and projectile vomit in the streets. Actually, uhhh...wait. No, scratch that shit. May 5 is Children's Day, formerly Boy's Day. There's very little projectile vomiting or tequila drinking.

I have been having a nice weekend. Friday night I went to a friend's birthday party in Shibuya for about an hour, and then came back to Oimachi for a house party at the guesthouse down the street. It was pretty fun...still a little strange being the non-drinker at the party, but it *does* make other people's drinking that much more amusing. Yesterday I went to a picnic in a really nice park with a co-worker from my previous job, as well as his wife and another friend of theirs. Tomorrow I'm going to Kamakura with J...should be really fun.

Some recent changes.

2009-04-28T23:30:00.004+09:00

Saturday was a fairly momentous day. I went to the doctor to hear about some lab test results, and he told me that I probably have a mild case of pancreatitis. Not so great. The condition is aggravated, and possibly caused by, the use of alcohol, so that means that I'm officially on the wagon. I haven't had a drink for a week and a half...I'm assuming that I'll be able to resume moderate consumption of alcohol at some point in the future, but I'm not sure when (or if) that will be the case.

I'm actually OK with it. I've definitely been drinking more since I got to Tokyo, but the results are, per usual, less than stellar. Unless I drink fairly impressively massive amounts of booze, alcohol doesn't have generally have a huge affect on me in terms of behavioral modification. If I've had enough that it does, then chances are pretty good that the behavior modification isn't going to be to my liking. So, if I drink the way that I usually do, which is to say, not to the point of being really fucking wasted, then it doesn't really alter my behavior or mindset particularly. What does that tell us? Well, it tells me that I've been wasting a lot of money on a drug that ultimately doesn't really effect me that much, other than to give me really shitty hangovers. Wheeeeee. The really stupid thing is that I don't need it to have fun in social situations and it's not a social lubricant for me any more. I'm fine without it, but you just get into these habits and then don't think about them much.

As previously noted, if it does effect me greatly, it's often detrimental. So...yeah.

Saturday night I DJed again in Daikanyama. Many of my friends came and we had a nice time at the bar, although the sound system really is terribly underpowered. It's not a nightclub. Afterward, however, we *did* go to a nightclub, and that was fantastic. The cover was pretty high, but the not-drinking definitely heavily subsidizes a night out on the town. A woman who I've been interested in pursued me to the club at the behest of her friends, and we ended up having a nice time together. I've really been closed off since I got here, for a variety of reasons, but my recent decision to open myself up has rather astonishingly quickly resulted in my finding myself in the delightful company of this beautiful, intelligent, quirky woman. Some of the closing off was simply due to my location, way out of the way in Ichikawa, but a lot of it was also fear of repeating my experience with my last girlfriend, and some other things that are maybe a little too deep for this venue.

In any case, I don't have any particular expectations, one way or the other, out of this situation, but it's been nice so far and I wouldn't mind more niceness in my life after the 6 months of shit sandwich that I've been choking down.

Work.

2009-04-25T12:07:00.003+09:00

All right, here is my work update, as promised.

I started at the junior high on Monday. Naturally, I got off at the wrong bus stop and was about 15 minutes late for work. Fortunately, it's generally understood that public transportation can be a hellish experience, and no one is usually terribly surprised or offended if a foreigner is late on the first day. After the first day or two, though, you'd damn well better be on time.

I wouldn't call my job at the junior high "teaching" actually. My job is to parrot English in a native accent. I *was* thinking that the junior high level would be more challenging than the elementary teaching, but it's the exact opposite. In the elementary schools, I am responsible for the whole lesson. In the junior high, I'm more of the teachers' English slave...or something. I'm not complaining, everybody has been really nice.

The biggest difference, though, is the students. Elementary students have this vibrancy and curiosity and lack of self-consciousness that the vast majority of the junior high students have somehow lost. Something really special dies in children with the onset of puberty and the awareness of self and others that it brings. Once it's gone, it's gone.

All of the students are nice to me, so far, though, and when I see those students who are bored or suffering in some way, I totally and completely empathize. After all, did anyone hate school more than I? Was anyone more bored, or resentful? Could anyone have channeled more angst? Probably, on all counts, but not much.

I'm in the elementary school on Thursday and Friday, and thank the gods. They're so sweet, and they find me endlessly fascinating. The really small ones, in 1st and 2nd grade, want to touch my legs and my hands and my arms in the hallways all the time. It's fucking adorable. I left work on Friday in a really good mood, and it had nothing to do with not working the next day. Good stuff.

One of those days.

2009-04-21T22:20:00.002+09:00

My day at work today was pretty boring...just getting into the new routine, I guess. 3 of my classes were effectively canceled, thanks to a test, so I had a lot of time for class prep. I only taught two classes. All in all, not very exciting.

I'll give a more full description of the actual classes here in a day or two.

It doesn't usually really bother me, but every so often I feel acutely aware of just how alien I am here. Between my height and my pasty white skin, I could probably have a foot-long pink mohawk and not attract more attention. Today was one of those days when I was just tired...really tired...of being stared at by every person I passed on the street.

Fuck it, maybe it's time for a pink mohawk.

Probably getting sick now....

2009-04-20T21:07:00.003+09:00

All signs point to my catching a cold, which is swell. Per usual when I get sick, I have the accompanying low-grade depression, wherein I typically try to avoid all human contact so that I can properly wallow in my misery. I'm supposed to DJ this weekend, so I'm going to bed now, around 9, in the hopes of killing it overnight. Guess I'll find out tomorrow. I'm going to work no matter what happens, and I'm DJing if I have to do it remotely from my hospital bed, so that's that.

weekend.

2009-04-19T18:08:00.002+09:00

I hosted another couchsurfer this weekend, a Parisian named Jay who is considering a move to Japan sometime around September. He was really mellow and we had some good conversations about language and the difficulties of learning a new one. He was impressed with my Japanese, but that doesn't mean much. I get excited when Japanese people are impressed with my Japanese, which is pretty rare if I talk to them for more than 5 minutes. Baby steps, though.

Last night I went to a birthday party in Shimokitazawa, a small, hip enclave where I'd previously had a pretty terrible time. I think I mentioned it in one of my earlier blog posts, actually. This particular trip more than made up for the last one...it was my friend's birthday party. Incidentally, it turns out that gay people are a blast in virtually every culture. Who knew? In any case, it's pretty close to my new job, so there's a decent chance that I'll start looking around for a new place somewhere in the neighborhood. Probably have to wait another month or two to move, though.

Tomorrow I start the new job, so today I went out and picked up some things that I will need for the job, and just for general use. I'll be at my junior high school for 3 days, and then the elementary for 2. I'll have a desk at the junior high, but it's looking like I'll only have a locker at the elementary school. The junior high is looking way more organized, which is good, since I'll be spending most of my time there.

Anyway. I'm going to do a few chores, now, and relax for a while. More later.

Grandma.

2009-04-16T18:42:00.003+09:00

My grandma isn't doing very well, and I feel shitty about the situation because I haven't been able to go see her for a couple of years and I doubt that I'll be able to visit her for at least a couple more. She is exhibiting strong signs of dementia, and I'm really worried that she won't recognize me the next time I see her...and that I'll never see her again.

Fuck.

The biggest city in the world.

2009-04-14T22:24:00.003+09:00

Considering that Tokyo is the largest city in the world, it's surprisingly homogeneous in terms of population. When I lived in Ichikawa and commuted all the way across Tokyo, it was a rare day to see more than 2 or 3 foreigners on the train in any given week.

Contradictorily, I've never spent so much time in the company of people from so many different places. Tonight I went to Akihabara in the company of 3 people: 1 from Australia, 1 from Scotland, and 1 from England. Despite the homogeneity of the population, the foreigners here are from *all* over the world, and in significant quantities. It's really interesting to learn, firsthand, about so many different places, and I often just shut the hell up and sit quietly and listen to the stories told in various, lovely different accents.

On a different subject...last night was interesting. I had a date with a nice Japanese woman, who we will call "J." She lived in Canada for 6 years, so we spoke effortlessly in English, which was nice. I like the fact that she has lived abroad, and, in point of fact, it's a requirement for any serious dating that I may or may not do in Japan.

I've largely avoided dating, thanks to the trauma of my previous relationship, which I have detailed in some depth in this blog. After a lot of reflection, I've concluded that it's not healthy to close myself off to the possibilities here. I'm not seeking anything, but it would be stupid to turn my back on positive situations that present themselves. I'm done closing myself off.

Quickly, now.

2009-04-08T23:59:00.002+09:00

I'm waiting to use the bathroom. When you live with 18 (slight exaggeration) people, you wait for things.

Tomorrow I start training for my new job, so I need a shower, a quick trim, and to get my shave on. I'm excited, but the excitement is definitely tamped down a bit by waiting 87 hours to use the fucking bathroom sink. For the love of god, here, people.

Anyway. Shower...bed...full report tomorrow.

Lazy, bad blogger.

2009-04-04T10:46:00.006+09:00

I've been super busy, and thus have been neglecting the blog...it's probably a good thing, ultimately.

Last weekend was the beginning of hanami party season, as discussed previously. Let's get down to it:

Here is my friend Hanako, her sister, and niece. Cuteness!

Here is a picture that I took in the park. I am told that it is beautiful, but draw your own conclusions:

This is me having some silly time with my J-friends:

Annnnd, here is the aftermath in an izakaya. I also like this picture:

There's actually a lot more, since I did the same thing on Sunday at a couchsurfing party...it was a really busy weekend. I also hosted a girl from Sweden at my house and that was time consuming as well. Furthermore, I have been working on a top secret music project, which is...again...time consuming. It's good to stay busy though. My social network here is kind of exploding in my face, but it's not a bad thing since I plan to pursue DJing as much as possible. If I can generate a following of friends here, then I can start moving events into larger clubs and perhaps making money. I do enjoy not living in poverty.

Speaking of which, I finally got fully paid for the month of February, and might actually get paid for March in about a week. We'll see, but I'm somewhat hopeful that it'll happen. I need to open a bank account next week, which promises to be a huge pain in the ass. Que sera, sera.

More later...I have another hanami to go to!!

Next weekend.

2009-03-25T23:49:00.003+09:00

Next weekend promises to be fairly epic. In the spring, the cherry tree in Japan blossom, and the Japanese people go frickin' insane with the partying. On Saturday, I have two hanami (flower watching) parties, and another on Sunday. Saturday's will involve simply going to the park with food and booze and then drinking first with my friends and then with my new co-workers in the company of beautifully blooming cherry trees. We'll be located in Yoyogi Park...it's the biggest in Tokyo, and there will be a metric assload of people there. Later in the day and into the evening, soundsystems will be fired up around the park, and there will be bands and DJs and dancing and singing. In theory, it will be awesome. Big surreal events tend to remind me of Burning Man, so I'm wondering if I'll get that vibe in this case...guess we'll find out.

I also have a couchsurfer from Sweden staying with me, which should be fun. She's coming from China and staying for a few nights. Probably couldn't have picked a better time to come to Tokyo...

My last post elicited a lot of supportive emails from my friends and family, and I really appreciate it. I couldn't do this without you all cheering me on. I love you all! Even the bitchy ones (you know who you are).

I'm tired....saturdays suck.

2009-03-21T20:12:00.002+09:00

Saturdays at the eikaiwa (English school) are really weak. One of my co-workers was out, so I filled his shift for him. Last night, of course, I went to hang out with the old roommates, and there was a lot of drinking and not that much sleep. So, I am tired.

A friend of mine in Portland posted some pictures of my old favorite bar on Facebook. It is a few blocks walk from my old house and the atmosphere is eclectic, funky, and weird. I often felt more at home there than in my own living room, especially during some difficult periods at the old homestead with one especially horrible girlfriend, and I held my going away party there.

It was strange to see this lovely, special girl, who I had introduced to the bar and whose place in my life is still not entirely clear to me, with her friends in this place that I loved, and I felt so very, very far away. Today, low on cash yet again and fighting exhaustion, I wondered, I think maybe for the first time, what the hell am I doing here?

I don't know if there's a simple answer to that question, but my new job is going to need to be really pretty awesome or this thing probably just isn't going to work out. I've been making it by the skin of my teeth since I got here and it'll be a full 6 months of just barely...barely...skating by, and I really don't know how much more I can handle.

However, tomorrow is another day and the job looks to be pretty awesome.

Latest and greatest.

2009-03-16T22:25:00.004+09:00

I've been spending some time walking around my new neighborhood and getting to know the joint. Sometimes Tokyo all looks the same...all grays and earth tones and strangly vertical buildings, largely devoid of any redeeming architectural qualities. Don't get me wrong, there's a lot of interesting architecture here, but you typically have to look for it. Your average house/apartment building architecture is generally horrible, which is really kind of weird given the amazing beauty of traditional Japanese buildings. Fortunately, there are many temples about in *exactly* that ancient, beautiful style of architecture.

So there are lots of little parks and plants lining the streets here, which is a major shift from Ichikawa. The train station is also surprisingly interesting, architecturally, and I'm kind of dying to photograph it...that desire, however, is strongly dampened by the overall shittiness of my cheap-ass camera. On the other hand, I did manage to shoot an entire music video with the aforementioned crappy camera, so I guess I shouldn't complain too much. In any case, the station has lots of interesting curves and angles...I really like it.

This weekend I was pretty naughty. I DJed again on Saturday night in Daikanyama, which is near Shibuya. My last train shoots out of there at 12:40, which is a definite improvement over Ichikawa, although it's still pretty early. Fortunately, it's not hard to find overnight activities in Shibuya if necessary. The main problem is the fact that you will spend insane quantities of money if you aren't careful. For example, last night I was delighted to find myself in a bar that had Red Hook in bottles. You have no idea how very, very happy I was to find decent beer in this god-forsaken city. The Japanese apparently hate good beer, they're apparently about a decade or more behind the States in this regard. Sadly, a single beer will usually run somewhere between 600 and 900 yen, which is the approximate equivalent of 6-9 dollars.

Sadly, my happiness about the beer was tempered by the meat market atmosphere. Also, let me point out that gaijin (foreigners) in Tokyo are often relentlessly fucking stupid. Obviously, I have many wonderful gaijin friends, but, when it comes to meeting new people, I'm quickly approaching the point where I'm more comfortable with Japanese than with foreigners, which is kind of a weird deal.

Let's wrap this up, people. I'm fooling around with some new software that makes remixing incredibly easy, so I spent most of the day working on something new. My compositions from scratch tend to get out of control pretty rapidly, so remixing gives me a definite structure and path to follow. I think it's a good way to develop my skills, and it's a natural extension of DJing so it seems to come more easily.

I have other stuff on my mind, but I can't get it all onto the internet. There just aren't enough hours in the day.

Wow.

2009-03-09T21:36:00.006+09:00

This post is going to be a little long...my mind is in about a million different places right now, and a lot of things have happened recently. Mostly good...some, not so much, but mostly pretty good.

The first one: I had a job interview on Friday, and they emailed less than one business day later to let me know that I got the gig. That means they liked me, I suppose. I start on April 9th. The salary is good, the vacation is spectacular at over 6 weeks (not including the ample national holidays) in a contract year, and the best part is the fact that the company seems to generally give a shit about the people who make them their money. I'm really happy about that. You know what? Screw happy, I'm ecstatic. This job is a rarity in Japan. I'm a little overwhelmed.

The job itself: I'll be teaching first through fourth graders at an elementary school. I'll be reading, speaking, and studying Japanese every single day at work. With this job, the possibility of achieving some real fluency in Japanese becomes a possibility. More than a possiblity. One of my goals here is to become conversant in Japanese, so this job is more than a paycheck and stability and good times with the cutest damn children you've ever seen...it'll help me to accomplish one of the things that I really wanted from my trip to Japan.

2nd thing. I just moved out of Ichikawa into Tokyo proper. My commute time is reduced by about...no joke...3 to 4 hours per day. Yeah. I've been going home in between my split shifts, where I need to kill about 6 to 7 hours, and it's been driving me inexorably over the cliff. Not any more.

My new place is nice. My room is bigger. The bed is more comfortable. My roommates are cool, although my old roommates were (with some exceptions) pretty awesome as well. However, most of my roommates here are Japanese, so, again, I'm presented with more opportunities to improve my Japanese skill. I'm noticing a trend.

The area is also nice, too. I'm currently about 20 minutes, by walking and train, from Shibuya, which is basically the heart of Tokyo. I can make it to my current job in about 25 minutes. I may have to move closer to future job at some point, but I'll worry about that later. I can handle up to an hour without going too insane. More than that might tip the scales, but we'll see how it goes.

3rd thing. I had my first couchsurfer, the girl who I stayed with in Korea. It was all right, but definitely a mistake to host while I was moving. I was just stressed and exhausted and it wasn't really ideal. I couldn't take her out and show her the town like I would have if I'd been operating at 100%. Anyway. Live and learn. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't going a little nuts by the time she left this morning, but, hey. You need your space, especially when you've been moving and going to job interviews and watching your current company--lying-ass sack of crap company, that is--blow up in your face.

4th thing. The ex and I had the big drawn out email session last week, as previously noted, and it was good to get everything in the open. It's taken virtually all of my anger way, which is good, but the loss of the hurt and anger has let some of the sadness to float back to the top. Even that is different, though, because I've realized that some of my good memories weren't nearly as good as I'd thought. Not for her, anyway. So the sadness, while still sad, is muted from where it was before.

I brought a rock with me to Tokyo, a bit of red and gold sand-beaten glass or plastic or maybe even actual quartz or something, although I doubt it. It was a small memento from a trip last spring, which now feels like a million years ago. I found it, while moving, and I realized that it didn't mean what I thought it did. I thought that it was a tangible piece of beautiful moment that I wanted to hold onto, but the reality is that the moment just isn't what I thought it was. I can't make it something that it's not. It wasn't that it was bad...I just didn't have the whole story until now.

I put it into my pocket. Yesterday, while walking around my new neighborhood, I found a street that followed a canal, deep and green. I took the stone out of my pocket and climbed up the ledge and I leaned onto the rail protecting the canal from the people, or vice versa. I took it out and I looked at it for a moment, and then I gently tossed it out into the water and watched the pretty red and gold sink down into the green murk of the canal. I'm happy to let it go because it means that I can let go of other memories, too.

Regarding memories, I recommend a movie by Akira Kurosawa called Rashomon. It's an extremely dark film about a samurai's murder, but the film is ultimately not about violence, but about the deceptiveness of recollection and the tricks that our minds play on us. I have my memories, you all have yours, and somewhere in between lies the truth of the matter.

Super fucking busy.

2009-03-03T16:18:00.005+09:00

The last few days have been a little bit crazy because of two factors, one of which I will discuss here directly. In my last post, I mentioned a "huge fucking distraction," which was an unkind way of saying that my ex-girlfriend had emailed me after 4 months of no communication between us. I put it into unkind terms because I'd been feeling bitter. OK, realistically, bitter is not really the correct emotion. Bitter is a 5'3", 98-pound, beach-bullied Everquest junkie...my emotion was the Incredible Hulk on steroids, crystal meth, and a 5 gallons of tequila (I may be slightly exaggerating). The whole thing had been more than significantly heartbreaking. Those of you who've followed the blog probably have a good idea of what I've been going through here, so I don't think I need to retell painful old tales.

She emailed to apologize for the gap in communication and I sent back a less than cheerful response, which kicked off a series of accusations and counter-accusations, both of which probably contained a lot of truth or at least truth through the lens of individual experience. We ended up rehashing some of the less pleasant details of our relationship and I learned some new things about our relationship that have haunted me to greater or lesser degrees in all of my long-term relationships. In any case, it was not particularly fun to go through recent, barely scabbed-over wounds with sandpaper, razor blades, and rubbing alcohol. However, the tone eventually shifted, and we both took responsibility for our various misdeeds and faults, which is the foundation of forgiveness and ultimately will give us to ability to fully move forward. I forgave a previous girlfriend for some pretty heinous behavior, but she never managed to show any remorse or real self-awareness, which is why any future relationship with her would be impossible and, ultimately, totally pointless. In her case, the act of forgiveness was solely for my own sanity, not out of any sense of great altruism, although I did recognize that she was simply a very sad, flawed person. My ex-ex-girlfriend, that is.

Jesus, I try not to use names on this fucking thing so that it's more or less anonymous unless you know me, but this ex-ex-girlfriend and ex-girlfriend shit is getting a little tedious. I digress.

Anyway, my most recent ex...can we just call her M? My most recent girlfriend took responsibility for her faults and I took responsibility for mine, and we ended our emails on a fairly positive note. I have forgiven her and (I think) vice versa. I think it's very possible that we'll have some semblance of a working friendship in the not-terribly-distant future, which would be a nice change from my previous girlfriends. I'm not ready for a resumption of full-on casual communication yet, but that'll probably happen with time. I'm open to the possibility.

I am moving this week, so with the combination of the recent emails and getting the fuck out of a place where I suffered a lot on several levels, I can finally close most of the chapter on my long, fucking thoroughly unpleasant beginning in Japan, and I'm really, really happy about that. Sprinkle a new job and adequate goddamn pay in the mix here, and things could actually be quite pleasant.

Factor #2 is going to have to wait a day or two. I have some resumes to email out.

Job situation.

2009-02-27T17:57:00.002+09:00

I had a job interview this morning, and it went pretty well despite not a whole lot of sleep and a huge fucking distraction tossed in my lap yesterday. I'll probably write about the distraction in a day or two, but I'd like to process it for a bit and see if I can wrangle any more interesting conclusions out of it.

I'm most interested in a position teaching elementary schoolchildren as an ALT (Assistant Language Teacher). The job will allow me to interact with kids, which I like, and I'll be working in Japanese public schools, which will massively improve my Japanese. The work isn't difficult, and it sounds like I'll only be actually teaching for about 4 hours a day, while the rest of my time at work can be used to study Japanese and more or less relax. I'm also lining up work through a guy I know in western Tokyo (actually Kanagawa), and I may just ending up working for him full-time if he can get me enough work. It's looking more and more probable, though, that I'll have at least 2 or 3 jobs over the course of the next year. After my contract expires, in April 2010, I'm considering a move to Osaka, which is on the other side of the main island of Japan. I hear the people are more outgoing, which would be really nice. People in Tokyo often have a look on their face that I usually equate with having a 2x4 rammed painfully up the ass.

I have a Canadian friend coming to couchsurf with me for the next week or so. We met in S. Korea, and she's pretty cool, so it should be fun. I have to work a lot, but nothing new there...

Initiation.

2009-02-24T20:07:00.003+09:00

Last weekend I had an experience that felt very oddly, and very precisely, like an initiation. I've been teaching at elementary schools through a guy who lives near my primary job. His name is D. On Saturday, I went to pick up my pay from the elementary work, and he invited me out for a drink. Then it got weird.

We went to his friend's house, whose name I cannot currently remember. Japanese names usually take at least two or three hearings for me to remember then, and it can be sketchy even then. Since he is an aikido master, I just ended up calling him sensei for most of the evening. Tragically, his girlfriend very recently killed herself and Duncan has been spending a lot of time with him, so part of our job there was to hang out with him. With a huge bottle of Japanese rice wine, or nihon-shu. You can call it sake, as well, if you'd like. There are many kinds, so nihon-shu is a general term.

We killed the bottle and then headed back into the city. We hit a sushi bar, where apparently sensei is well known. The wait-staff put on an epic ass-kissing, so I assume that he goes there a lot. We had more nihon-shu, served in traditional Japanese fashion. A shot glass of nihon-shu is placed on the corner of a bamboo drinking vessel, also full of booze, and sushi was served. This point felt particularly initiation-y, because Duncan and the sensei ordered sushi for me and didn't eat any themselves. When I tried to eat it with ohashi (chopsticks), the sensei rapped my knuckles and told me to eat it by hand. So, I did and it was frickin' sweet. I do love my sushi.

Anyway...things get a little fuzzy after that, thanks to all of the drinking, but it was a good time. Not the sort of thing you want to do every night, but...everything in moderation, including moderation. Especially moderation.

Did I mention that we barely spoke English all night? I didn't understand about 75% of what I was hearing, but that's down from 90% a couple of months ago. Things are moving along...

On the hunt again.

2009-02-16T09:21:00.002+09:00

Well, it looks pretty clear that my boss isn't very competent, and I'm concerned about the school blowing up in my face. I'm sending out applications right at the moment, and we'll see where it takes me. I'm trying to line up something with a recruiter, and I have a few options with some local contacts, as well.

Sucks, but at least this job got me here and helped me float for a while.

The future and what the dang thing holds.

2009-02-12T15:21:00.003+09:00

I have altered my plans a bit, I think. There is still a significant amount of time involved and I don't know exactly how everything will pan out here and back in the States, but I have decided to extend my visit here by a year.

My logic is this: I have certain financial goals here that I would like to achieve before I return and start school again. I'd like to get my credit card debt from college reduced. I'd like to make full payments on my student loan. I'd also like to save money for a motorcycle trip when I return to the U.S.

For a long time, now, I have dreamed of a motorcycle trip from Oregon back to Iowa, and maybe beyond. I wouldn't mind sharing some of the trip with some good friends, but I want to take the bulk of the trip by myself. Just me and some camping gear and the open road. I'd like to take a month or so, I think, when I get back, and just carve my way across the United States. The trip from Oregon to Iowa would be definite, but after that...who knows? I haven't seen the East Coast, and I haven't seen the South, and I have friends in both places who would probably be willing to show me around, if not host me outright. Combine that with camping and couchsurfing across the States and it could be the adventure of a lifetime...again.

I may have developed an addiction to these: Adventure and living my dreams. Why not?

uncertainty.

2009-02-09T23:33:00.003+09:00

So, I should probably rename this blog to Incredibly Epic Tales of Uncertainty and Hardship in Tokyo, because that seems to be an unfortunately common state for me here. My dad noted that life is a roller coaster, and it is true, true, true.

Saturday is a prime example. On Saturday, I received my paycheck for the month of January. I knew that it would be light, thanks to the week and a half national holiday, during which I did not work, but my boss decided to retroactively give all the employees at our company a pay cut. Thanks, boss, and fuck you. I'll be finding a new job directly. The end result is that I have a well sub-poverty paycheck for the month of February and mounting debts from school, credit cards, and other assorted sources. I am very, very seriously considering staying here another year so that I can stabilize my financial situation. I only have about 15 months before I had previously scheduled my return to the states...it's not much time to complete my financial goals. Ultimately, it's not enough time, thanks to the apparently fucking endless financial setbacks that I must suffer here.

Saturday evening, however, I DJed at a swanky little bar in a wealthy part of Tokyo. It was packed, and I played a nice set. My new friends in Tokyo made up a very significant portion of the attendees and my network here is growing stronger, for which I am grateful.

I've DJed for over 11 years, so I'm not unused to being the center of attention at the various events at which I have performed over the years, but the minor celebrity status that I experienced on Saturday was far, far beyond anything I've dealt with before. To say that the Japanese women in attendance were "interested" in my performance would be an incredibly massive understatement. It would have almost been uncomfortable if it hadn't been so fucking fun.

So, anyway. The roller coaster goes up, and the roller coaster goes down. So it goes. I'll be finding a new job soon, and moving soon, and everything will change again, for better or worse. As it does.

So, about Ichikawa.

2009-02-02T20:55:00.004+09:00

I live in Ichikawa, which is in Chiba. Chiba is on the east side of Tokyo, and I work on the west side of Tokyo. Tokyo, of course, is the largest city in the world.

If I am lucky, I can make it to work in about 1 hour and 10 minutes, door to door. However, 3 nights a week I also commute from work to other locations, usually about an additional half hour of travel, on the light side. On those 3 days, my commute approaches a total of 4 hours.

Additionally, I've just started working a second job, also on the west side of Tokyo, and that adds anywhere from 1 to 2.5 hours to the daily commute, depending on whether or not I am working at my other job on that day.

I am FUCKING moving. I'm on the verge of a major freakout. This shit is fucking ridiculous and I can't, I won't, do it any more. God. Damn. It. I have had it. I am outta here by March. Period.

the slacking.

2009-01-25T22:01:00.003+09:00

I just looked at my blog and noticed that I haven't posted for over a week. That's just not acceptable.

Sooooo...things have been going pretty well, for the most part. I'm still struggling to put all of the pieces together financially, but that situation should be decidedly improving in the weeks and months ahead. I picked up another part time job...it's temporary, but it should lead to other work that I hope will be as lucrative.

About the job: as of Friday, I'm teaching English to elementary public school kids. It's actually really interesting. The English part of the equation is, of course, ridiculously easy. The difficult part is putting yourself in front of 25 curious pairs of eyes and subjecting yourself to their scrutiny. Children can sense fear, of course...fortunately, I've handled much worse things than a classroom full of curious Japanese children in recent times. They seem to like me and they seem genuinely interested in American culture. I like kids, generally, so that probably helps...they can sense that, as well.

The teachers and staff are super friendly and my Japanese will definitely be getting a workout in the mornings and in between classes, which is what I want. No complaints on that, although, obviously, mastering a new language is a constant battle. I probably shouldn't use "mastering" and "my Japanese" in the same paragraph, however. It's going to take a while. On the other hand, I do seem to be assimilating new words a lot faster and more easily than I was when I first got here.

Socially, things are moving right along. Last night I went out to Shibuya with some Italian researcher friends, as well as my friends Hanako and Eri, and we went and caught a couple of bands and a DJ and did some dancing. It was fun, although, of course, I missed my last fucking train and stayed up all night in Shibuya. I met some interesting people, but would have preferred to go to bed.

Side note: you know, it's weird that I almost never went dancing while I was with Maria. Amusingly, she saw me joke-dancing spastically at a party one time, and assumed that I am generally dance-floor retarded, but the reality is that I can hoof it surprisingly well for a guy of my height, thickness, and generally lumberjack-ish appearance. People have actually made a number of comments over the years, especially more recently, and I usually don't quite know how to handle them, which sometimes leads to some social awkwardness. I'll work on it. In any case, I suppose that it's possible that over a decade of DJing might give you a good sense of rhythm.

Speaking of which, I'll be DJing in Daikanyama in 2 weekends. It's a trendy neighborhood in central Tokyo. Naturally, it's not a paid gig, but my hope is that it will lead to some of them. Or even just *more* unpaid gigs. I'll get free drinks out of the deal, so it could be worse, I supppose. Actually, there are a lot...a LOT...of opportunities in general in the expat network. We are a well-paid, fairly talented bunch of people, for the most part.

Anyway. Time for bed.

The Christmas, Part 2.

2009-01-17T20:31:00.001+09:00

I never finished my Christmas story, and it relates to some other tales of woe that I'd like to put up on here, so I think that I should finish it.

After the vomiting, I felt that it would be prudent to go home, so I began my 1 hour journey back to Ichikawa Station and then on to my apartment. I went home and slept for about an hour, which was nice, but probably not entirely necessary. I felt fine after the projectile vomiting into the toilet.

I really, really...really...did not want to teach my night class, but it would be walking away from $100. Not a great idea, financially. So, I took the train back to Kawasaki (another hour and 20 minutes), and then went to Ofuna (30 minutes) and taught my class. On the way back to Kawasaki, I usually just jump on the Tokaido rapid line, but the Christmas train of total joy and wonderment decided to take me to Osaki instead. Oh, Happy Spirit of Christmas...thank you, Jesus. Thank you. I got off the train in Ebisu, and then went to Shinagawa, and then back to Kawasaki (total trip: over 1 hour). Keep in mind that I am, of course, starving because I rushed onto the train in Ofuna in order to make it to a Christmas party. At this point, I've officially been on the train for over 4.5 hours. And I'm starving. And super cheerful.

Anyway, let me wrap this up quickly. The party was nice, but I, naturally, missed my last train and nearly ended up spending the night in Shinagawa. I made it back to the party, however, and spent the night in a capsule hotel with a friend, who showed me the ropes. It was actually pretty nice, thanks to the public bath on the top floor. I sat in the bath (basically a huge hot tub) for a good half an hour and just absorbed my day for a while. I slept well...it was actually big enough for me...and I woke up feeling pretty good the next day, when I had another nice, long bath.

So. Yeah. Christmas in Tokyo sucked shit, but ended not-too-horribly.

Quick update...

2009-01-14T15:43:00.003+09:00

I'll try to make this one quick, but I really need to get back on here and start blogging more regularly...I have a number of hilariously unfortunate stories about myself that should be archived for posterity, if nothing else.

OK, so, quickly. Things have been going well since my return from Korea. I hadn't realized how huge of a weight that the visa run had been on my shoulders, but, suffice it to say...it was huge. And now it's gone. I've succeeded at my goal of living in Japan, which is an amazing feeling.

Anyway. I'm typing this at work and I'd rather keep this thing private, so, for once, this will be quick. More later.

Seoul.

2009-01-05T17:50:00.002+09:00

I got into Seoul yesterday and took various trains from the airport to meet my couchsurfing host, D. D picked me up from the train station at about 6:30 or so and we immediately met up with a few of her friends for a couple of beers. Afterward, we stopped by her place to drop off my stuff and then headed back out for Korean BBQ, which is insanely delicious, and, later, more drinks. There was a lot of drinking. The first bar we went to was called...no shit...The Ho Bar. Good times. The Ho Bar was pretty dead, being that it was Sunday night, so we had a few and then booked it out to another location. D's other spot was closed, but we heard some heavy bass invitingly being pumped out of a basement club. So, we dropped in. There were only a few people in there in addition to the DJs and the cute, head-bobbing bartenders. We ordered drinks and I hit the dance floor pretty quickly thereafter. I've been wanting to go clubbing in Tokyo for a while, but have been terrified of the expense...this was pretty much exactly what I'd been looking for. It was mellow, the music (mostly hip hop) was good, for the most part, and the drinks was reasonably cheap. Maybe expensive by Korean standards, a little expensive by American standards, but cheap as hell by Tokyo standards.

I drank a lot, I danced with a lot of girls, and I was hungover as hell this morning. D's friend wanted to do me, but I wasn't really interested and I really needed to get to the consulate today. Which I did. With a terrible hangover. It was satisfying to finally find the fucker after walking all over half of Jongno-gu, the neighborhood where it is located. It's kind of liberating to not speak any of the language, too. In Japan, I tend to torture myself trying to speak Japanese, and it's often frustrating and unrewarding. Maybe I should just be unrepentantly American all of the time in Japan, too.

Sooooo, anyway. My visa application is in, and I need to get back to the embassy by 9:30 tomorrow, which means that I need to leave by 8-ish with all of my stuff. I really, really hope that my visa will be ready, or tomorrow is going to be a long, undoubtedly frustrating day.

Tickets are purchased and I am ready to go.

2009-01-03T18:39:00.004+09:00

I'm leaving tomorrow for Seoul, South Korea to pick up my new visa. My plane leaves from Narita International Airport at 12:55 tomorrow afternoon and I'll be touching down at Seoul Incheon International at about 3:30 or so. I will then navigate the Seoul train system to the home of my couchsurfing hostess, a nice Canadian girl named D. We'll go out for delicious Korean BBQ for dinner and then maybe a couple of drinks afterward.

Last night I went out in Tokyo and ended up, for some godforsaken reason, in Shimokitazawa. We started out at a nice bar in Ueno, and although it was nothing special, it at least had people in it...and a nice, non-cockroach infested ambiance (keep reading). One of my drinking partners for the evening decided that this scene was lame and that we should head out to Shimokita.

OK, big mistake. There is fuck-all in Shimokitazawa for nightlife. In fact, sadly, there's vastly more nightlife in my tiny hometown in Iowa than there is in this small Tokyo enclave. We ended up in a tiny, dingy, shitty little second floor bar. The big attraction, apparently, is the owner's record collection and the fact that he will take requests. OK, great. Fantastic. My new acquaintance, whose idea it was to go to Shimokita and the bar, neglected to tell us that the bar was also heavily infested with cockroaches. After I'd killed one with my beer glass and spotted another on the wall, I none-too-politely insisted that we get the fuck out of there. When the owner cheerfully brought the bill over, we were startled to notice that we'd apparently been screwed. I paid over $10US for one beer in a cockroach infested shithole.

Anyway, we then went to an izakaya (Japanese-style bar) and had a couple of beers and a lot of food. That cheered me up, but it still wasn't particularly stimulating. My roommate, Andrew, and I ended up on our own after the others went home and proceeded to stake out a room in a karaoke parlor. We sang bad karaoke for the next 2 hours, then caught the 5am train back to Ichikawa, and finally crashed around 7.

Soooo, anyway. Hopefully my exploits in Korea will be more amusing for me and less amusing for people who like hearing stories about me failing to have a good time. I do have an increasing stockpile of funny Tokyo stories, though, only a few of which are making it into this blog. I'll try to be more diligent. Korea update in a few days...

Visa and Certificate of Eligibility.

2008-12-29T00:17:00.003+09:00

Last night I received my Certificate of Eligibility from the immigration office. In order to pick up my new Working Visa, I need to present it to a Japanese embassy or consulate somewhere outside of the country. My current visa expires on the 7th, so I need to be out of the country by then. I have purchased a ticket to Seoul, South Korea, so...heck yeah. I am globetrottin'.

Well, I thought Christmas Eve was bad...

2008-12-27T09:44:00.004+09:00

My Christmas was so horrible that it was actually almost comical. If it hadn't been so horrible, that is.

I woke up at precisely 7:05, having gone to bed a little late and a little drunk on Christmas Eve. 7:05 is an important time because it is the exact minute that the last train that I can catch to make it to work on time leaves Ichikawa station, which is no less than a 20 minute walk from my house. So, I started Christmas with the knowledge that I would be 20 minutes late for my first class. Lovely.

On the train to work, I noticed that I was nauseous. REALLY nauseous. Now, this in itself wasn't that weird, because I had, after all, been drinking the night before, but I really didn't think that I'd had THAT much to drink. Something was amiss. I quickly noticed that I was also having fairly terrible stomach cramps. Joy.

While teaching my classes, my nose started running like a gasket had blown somewhere in the back of my head. Awesome. I kept excusing myself to go blow my nose outside of the classroom...it's considered rude to blow your nose in front of people. I don't really care when I'm on my own time, but I want to be respectful when I'm teaching, at least. So, I was increasingly feeling god-awful. In my last class, my student kept asking if I was OK and I kept insisting that I was cool. Until, that is, the horrible stomach cramps cranked it up a notch. My face was apparently registering quite a bit of pain because my student finally insisted that we should continue later. I grudgingly said OK, and we stopped. It was a good thing that we stopped, because 5 minutes later I was in the bathroom vomiting with the force of a pretty large firehose.

This story is a little too big for one post, so I'll just continue in a day or two. Wheeee....

Xmas.

2008-12-25T01:26:00.003+09:00

It's 12:40am on Christmas morning and I just opened my only Christmas present, which my parents sent about a month ago. I worked until 7:30 tonight and I have to get up to go to work at 6:00am.

To say that it's hard to be here right now would be a massive and almost stupidly obvious understatement.

Tonight on the train home, I looked so angry and put out such a terrible vibe that no one touched me on the train. You have to understand...private space does not occur on the trains. It just doesn't. People push and jostle and ignore the most basic normal conventions of the usual space bubble. Crowding is incredibly normal. Yet, my level of "do-not-fuck-with-me" vibe was so huge that no one encroached on my space in the slightest in an incredibly crowded train. I realized that I must look fearfully terrible when I looked across the train and saw people crammed into one another at every other door...except mine.

So, I got home. I drank a couple of chu-hi's on the way. They are basically vodka drinks in a can. I found my roommates in a state at least as sorry as mine. They wanted to watch "A Christmas Story," which I had downloaded a couple of days ago. We did.

I attempted to cheer them up, and, in the process, reminded myself of what I am doing here and why such a small thing as a shitty Christmas will not ever...ever...stop me. I told them the story of my ex-girlfriend's father, who died slowly of ALS, and how every day that I could get out of bed and walk was a very good day, indeed. I reminded them that we didn't come here because we thought it would be easy...we came here because we had shit to do. I reminded them, and myself, of the menial jobs that we might be doing in our home countries, and that here we are very well compensated for skills that would be worth little to nothing in our home countries. I told them that they were a couple of the baddest motherfuckers that they knew, and I cheered them up, and I didn't even delve into my darkest, most horrible periods of my life to do it. A bad day here is not so bad.

It seemed to cheer them up. It cheered me up, too. I am doing all right in the world.

Tokyo Jedi.

2008-12-22T15:31:00.004+09:00

Awright. I have spent a lot of time over the last couple of weeks cobbling together a bunch of footage that I took of myself mostly while walking to work. So, this footage was entirely taken with my crappy camera and then edited together and layered with various effects. The basic story behind the movie is that my mom wanted me to take a lot of pictures of Tokyo...I thought the easiest way to do that would be to take 30 frames of movie per second. That's a lot of pictures, Mom. All of these locations are very close to my house or work and I see most of them almost every day.

Anyway. I like the idea of creative Christmas presents, and I thought I'd give my friends and family this small gift instead of tangible stuff. It kind of fits in well with some of my ideas about intellectual property, as well. I hope you like it. It's not great, but I did the best I could with the tools that I have.

Enjoy:

A Tokyo Jedi from Ryan on Vimeo.

Weekend:

2008-12-21T12:40:00.002+09:00

Soooo. On Friday night, I went to my friend Rebecca's house. She was having a party. When I first got there, all was quiet for about 3 minutes, until the first huge trainload of party-goers arrived. It basically went from totally dead to totally hopping in about 35 seconds. The apartment was fricking sweet, and I was reminded again on the way there that not all of Tokyo is filled with kilometer after kilometer of horrible architecture.

This is funny.

2008-12-18T10:32:00.002+09:00

I was perusing the LSAC (they administer the LSAT pre-lawyerin' tests) website, and I came across this gem: Factors such as the campus atmosphere, the school’s devotion to teaching and learning, and the applicant’s enthusiasm for the school also are very important. Remember that the law school is going to be your home for three years. Adjusting to law school and the general attitudes of a professional school is difficult enough without the additional hardship of culture shock.

Hilarious. You want culture shock? Try moving from Portland, OR to the biggest city in the world where you are functionally illiterate and barely functional linguistically...not too worried about law school culture shock.

Weekend update.

2008-12-16T16:33:00.003+09:00

Last weekend was interesting. On Saturday night, I went out with some friends to one of the local watering holes. It's one of the Irish-Pub-In-A-Box bars that have become so popular, apparently all around the world. Lots of dark wood and dim lighting, and it had flat screen TVs for the soccer fans, of which there were many. These things are literally shipped abroad, from Ireland, as kits that will be put together by guys from

It was a relief to be in a western-style bar, frankly, because I've become a little worn out by the izakayas, or Japanese-style bars. Sometimes I just want a fucking beer, and not an endless stream of food that I didn't order and usually can't identify. Don't get me wrong, it's (usually) delicious, but it also involves an unfamiliar cultural and linguistic ritual that can be a little stressful, under the best of times, let alone with the addition of lots of alcohol. Although, speaking Japanese can be a little easier with the application of a little booze, strangely enough. Maybe the relaxation has something to do with it. Anyway.

I went with a married couple and one of their friends. It was fun. I'll probably head back there sometime in the near future.

On Sunday night, I went to an izakaya with some of the Wayo girls, and we gorged on spectacular Japanese food and chased it down with a little beer and sake (considerably less than the night before). It was also fun.

I've been working on a secret project that will be unveiled in the near future, but it has distracted me from my mission to teach myself Python, a coding language. Usually, I find myself getting bored by these sorts of things and loose interest after a while, but I think that it would be pretty useful to be able to write code in at least one language, especially if I end up in intellectual property. On that note: I verified that I can take my LSATs in Tokyo, which is a big, big relief. Aside from the expense of traveling to the U.S. to take the exam, the stress of the trip and terrible jet lag would be a shitty, shitty way to set myself up to take a pretty big-ass test that will have a serious impact on my life. So, yeah. Big things are a-coming.

Acupunture.

2008-12-13T12:03:00.003+09:00

Yesterday I had a fairly epic session of acupuncture. My acupuncturist told me at one point that he had 20 needles in my back. Four of them were attached to a battery pack that sent frequent pulses of electricity into the muscle tissue, which causes it to contract...a bizarre, although not unpleasant sensation, to say the least.

I found a used-tech store that has everything from computer parts to musical instruments for cheap, so my nerd needs will be covered for the foreseeable future. One of my co-workers says that she knows several people who can get me set up in the clubs, so the DJ thing is starting to look like a real possibility. I am excited, but I want to take that slowly until I really get my feet under me.

Finally, I am working on a secret project that I will unveil, if all goes well, in the coming weeks. So far, it is looking good, but I have yet to see if Phase 2 of the project is workable. Stay tuned.

Strange.

2008-12-10T12:13:00.003+09:00

My school is on a small street that looks a lot like an alley, but is, in fact, a street. Last night I walked back to work from dinner and I noticed the ringing of the bells, chiming off the time. I've heard them before in the States. In fact, I've heard the bells for almost as far back as I can remember. Every college in the United States rings them through the campus PA system every hour throughout the day. The first time that I recall hearing them is in my home town in Iowa, at the small private college where my father taught technical theater, but it occurs to me that I had probably heard them before that, even, at the University of Iowa.

I walked through the streets of Tokyo, in the rain, and I closed my eyes and listened to the pealing bells, ringing off the time, and the shrieks of tiny children at play, and, for just a few seconds, I could have been in any town where I've ever lived in my life. Then, I heard the squeals of the children punctuated by their still-forming Japanese and the spell was broken. I am not in Kansas, Toto.

Last night I had a dream that left me terribly sad and empty on waking, but I know from prior experience that these dreams are one of the final stages of grieving and loss that will eventually allow me to move on with my life, so I must embrace them and the sadness and then, hopefully very soon, I will return to a more healthy state of mind.

Friday afternoon.

2008-12-05T12:08:00.004+09:00

Tonight I have a Thanksgiving party to attend. It's a bit older crowd than the last one, so I'll probably be the youngest in attendance, but that's fine with me. More turkey! More stuffing! My weight has actually dropped below 200 for maybe the first time since I last lived in Iowa, so I think that I can afford to have an extra slice of turkey or two. I walk for about an hour a day and have subtracted a huge amount of calories (cheese and beer) from my diet, so the weight loss isn't surprising, but it is a little annoying because I will need to buy new pants soon if it keeps up. I probably need them now, or at least a new belt. Maybe I can punch a hole in this one.

Anway. I shall report on the Thanksgiving action later.

About the grad school thing.

2008-12-04T12:00:00.006+09:00

I am reading a fantastic book called Cryptonomicon. It's a brilliantly written book that includes many of my favorite things...math, computers, graphs, technology, history, and a horse-sized tongue-in-cheek. It is swell.

While reading the book, I have been thinking quite a lot about what my future looks like and where all of this, my trip to Japan, will lead me. It's a little early, I realize, but the reality is that 18 months isn't all that long and it would be preferable if I did not waste all of my time here fighting depression with outrageously priced booze in Tokyo's bars (that's mostly a joke, Mom...settle down).

Before I came, I thought that journalism sounded pretty appealing. On reflection, it sounds like a road to quick bankruptcy and enduring bitterness. No thanks. Medical school was also a possibility, but the reality is that 4 more years of school and another 3 of residency, and the accompanying 30 hour shifts, would suck shit. So, that leaves my original option, which is law.

I've been apprehensive about law because it involves working in a field that is largely regarded as soulless. I like my soul...I'd like to keep it. The alternative to soullessness, however, is poverty. After 5 years of sub-poverty income, thanks to college, I am well aware that I do not enjoy poverty, although I was wealthy enough to have tremendous luxury in comparison to my 3rd world brothers and sisters. Thank you, Mr. Credit Card. Thank you.

I've often talked about intellectual property law, recently, but I haven't really spent a whole lot of time thinking about what that means. I know, superficially, what the fuck IP law covers, but I haven't tried to define it for myself in a way that is really fascinating or even particularly interesting.

The book has changed that. The "Crypto" in Cryptonomicon refers to cryptography, the art and science of encoding information in ways so mathematically robust that it would take the most powerful computers known to man longer than the lifespan of the universe to decode them by brute force. Just think about that for a second...OK, good. Now, when you log into your bank account, you do so using a form of encryption that protects your private data from brute force attacks by vicious little Chinese hackers who will thoroughly enjoy bankrupting you for their own pleasure. It's there and you don't even notice. On the other hand, sending email is like sending a letter without an envelope and is possibly even less secure. Every email should be encrypted, and I, for the life of me, do not understand why they are not. Anyway, I digress.

So, I started thinking about the transmission of information and how, exactly, it falls under the umbrella of intellectual property and the many reasons why businesses and individuals would want to keep information secured with encryption or even more robust forms of protection.

Simply put, the entire idea of intellectual property is based around the concept of knowledge as power. Controlling information is power. Dissemination of certain, select information could potentially ruin the largest corporations in the world or turn a single average individual into a billionaire.

Intellectual property is the idea that information can be controlled and contained and manipulated by individuals and governments and corporations to their own advantage. I find this idea fascinating, both practically and philosophically, and my work in this field will likely touch on nearly all of my intellectual interests sooner or later. Math, science, technology, music, movies...it's ALL somebody's intellectual property. for example, the room that you are sitting in right now...look around. Virtually everything you see in your surroundings very likely either is, or was, the product of someone else's intellectual property. Paint on the wall? IP. Computer? IP. Varnish on the floor? IP. Your chair? IP.

I also look forward to exploring whether or not is even possible to own an idea, and if there is any merit to such ownership if, for example, the aforementioned Chinese hacker can break into your home or company computer, steal your valuable data, and shoot it, in a matter of milliseconds, all over the world. The idea of something so easily stolen and replicated stretches the idea of property to a length that, I suspect, may break it entirely in many instances. Information in the Age of Information wants to propagate itself freely.

So, here's the deal. I will go to school. I will get a JD in IP, which will allow me to pass the bar. I will probably get a PhD, if I still feel like it at the time when such decisions are required to be made. It would smooth my transition into academia, if I decide that I want to teach, it would be cool to have those letters behind my name, and it would probably tack an extra 50 to 100 grand onto my annual salary while I'm doing the fucking corporate work.

The fucking corporate work will likely be irritating, but the good news is that most of it should involve corporations trying to rob each other blind. Why would I care of X-Corp is trying to steal from Y-Corp or vice versa? Not so much with the getting upset about that. Additionally, my time in Japan and my ability to easily (or not so easily, as it were) get around Asia is going to look really, really good on my resume, along with the theoretical PhD and eventual recommendations, so I don't see why I shouldn't stand to make insane amounts of money at the end of the process. Once I have my loans paid off and maybe some extra cash stashed in the stock market and some bank accounts, then I can get on to the non-profit work and maybe teaching, if all goes well.

Thanksgiving at last.

2008-12-01T19:27:00.003+09:00

I didn't post much last week because nothing had really changed all that much and I had been feeling pretty down about missing my first family Thanksgiving in...hmmm...forever, maybe. I don't really like spending all of my time on this blog bitching, so I'd rather not write if things aren't going all that well.

So, last night was a break from the recent trend. I was invited by a co-worker to a Thanksgiving party near my work, so, despite the hour-long train ride, I made the trek over to the party. It was a good idea.

There were several of my co-workers in attendance, as well as a number of friendly Japanese women. It was nice to have a large dose of female energy, because I live in a Casa de Vatos (House of Dudes). I didn't really click with any of them in a romantic sense, but one of my married co-workers is officially on a mission to set me up with one of her friends, so we'll just see how that all goes.

In other good news, my social calendar is finally starting to fill up after a couple of long, lonely months. Next weekend, I am busy Friday, Saturday, and Sunday nights, and I might even be able to work in a Thursday night, if I play my cards right. Saturday night will include a keg of homebrew and I'm almost desperate for a decent fucking beer, so that is an exciting development, indeed. Additionally, I get paid on Saturday...also very, very exciting.

the park and the record store.

2008-11-25T19:57:00.003+09:00

I was killing my usual 17 hours in between classes today at work when I decided that it would probably be a good idea to get the hell out of this cramped little employee area that I spend the vast majority of my life in these days.

So, I looked up some parks in Kawasaki and headed out. I really should have done this a couple of weeks ago, but it didn't even occur to me that there might be public green spaces in Tokyo outside of Yoyogi Park. Well, live and learn.

The park was cool. Really cool. The endless miles of gray brick and concrete in this city will, I think, eventually grind down this Iowa/Oregon boy's spirit if I don't make a point of seeking out some form of nature on a very regular basis.

Unfortunately, while Japanese corporate spaces are very tidy, public spaces are often not. Small parks and public spaces are apparently often the site of significant garbage dumping and littering, thanks at least in part to the many homeless congregating in them. The homeless, while fairly rare here (at least compared to Portland), are still lurking about. Unlike the US, though, the Japanese seem perfectly content to leave them alone to do their thing, which often involves building shanties along the rivers and lying about drunkenly in public parks. On the plus side, I have yet to be approached by a single pushy homeless 20 year old asking me to subsidize his lazy drunkenness, drug abuse, and home piercings..

So, anyway...the park had garbage in it. They don't all, but this one did. I'll take it, garbage and all, much like a starving man snapping into an ancient, dirty Twinkie with gusto.

Tomorrow, maybe some pictures. In the meantime, enjoy Google Street View of my work:

I walk up this staircase to work every day.

Saturday night.

2008-11-22T23:58:00.002+09:00

I'm fighting a cold, but I had a few drinks with the roommates tonight, anyway. I'm the oldest one in the house, right now, which is a strange feeling after being the young one so for long, in another life. I guess I'm all that young any more, although I don't have any illusions that I'm old yet. As soon as I try to argue that I'm old, I'll have someone with 20 years on me tell me that I'm a baby...it never fails. Sooooo annoying. Regardless, it was fun to hang out with them. We had a good time.

Tomorrow I'm hanging out with some of the Wayo girls and bringing my roommates Karl and Andrew along. It should be a good time. We're going drinking, so I hope that the cold settles down a bit. Time will tell, I guess.

Next week: I have Monday off, and then I'd like some acupuncture, and then maybe I will have Friday off. Friday for me is Thursday in the States, so it will be kind of like having Thanksgiving off. Friday night we are having a Thanksgiving party, so I'll celebrate as best I can...it should be fun. I'll be missing home a lot, of course, but I think I'll save that for a later post.

Goodnight, world.

Open for business again.

2008-11-19T12:32:00.004+09:00

Awright, so I decided that my reasons for wanting to keep this blog private were less important than making sure that my friends and family have unrestricted access to it. So...enjoy the no-password freedom.

I'm killing time at work and just finished off some delicious and shockingly cheap sushi. Still fighting the split-shift exhaustion, but I'm in strangely good spirits today. I'm looking forward to moving closer to work, but I can handle this for the time being...commuting for 3+ hours a day sucks, but it will all be worth it if I can bike commute in a month or two. I'm going to call a local acupuncturist right now and see if I can set up an appointment for tomorrow. Wish me luck.

Update!

2008-11-18T16:05:00.005+09:00

Last week was pretty exhausting and so I took the weekend to recover and try to relax for a bit. I've been getting up at 6am and getting home at 11pm, so the time off was nice. Really nice.

I haven't been writing much because there really isn't much to report. Now that I'm working, things are becoming more routine and less interesting. When I start making money that I don't have to hoard for food and commuting expenses, then I think things will get a little more exciting again.

I'm going to make an appointment for acupuncture today for my leg. I went in for an MRI and they wanted me to pay for it on the spot...I told them about 8 times that I didn't have the cash and had to speak to 3 different people before they finally got it through their heads. I was speaking in Japanese, too, for god's sake. Sometimes people assume that foreigners are functionally retarded.

So, anyway. I ended up taking off and got a call back saying that they could do it for 20,000 yen, but that's still too much. I'd rather spend the money on 2 or 3 sessions of acupuncture, at this point, than waste my time and money on an expensive diagnosis before I even start my first treatment. So, screw it. Acupuncture, here I come.

Yeah. So. Things are going all right...could be better, but could be worse. I can live with that.

I am blessed.

2008-11-14T00:59:00.003+09:00

My friend Karen just sent me the most amazing and epically thoughtful care package that I've ever received...or heard of. I'm overcome. Her recent emotional presence and loving friendship has been an amazing balm for my soul through some of the darkest and most tumultuous of times.

Thank you, Karen. Thank you, thank you, and thank you again...

Quick one.

2008-11-12T23:14:00.002+09:00

I'm going to make this quick because I am dead tired.

Today, I got up at 6:10 and left the house at slightly after 6:30. I rode the train into Kawasaki and got to work at exactly 8:00. I missed my first train by about 20 seconds, thanks to some jerks blocking the sidewalk while ineptly parking a work vehicle. However, I did make it to work...on time.

Once there, I had not one, but two no-shows in a row. So, I could have actually slept and gotten to work at a reasonable 10 or 10:30. But no. 8am...for nothing...it was. At least I get paid.

So, I then had a few actual classes spaced out through the day, but just enough to keep me really, really bored. I've been wanting to study calculus, but I've been really way too tired to either focus on it or motivate myself, so that has not been going down. It'll happen eventually, though, I just need to establish a solid routine.

Then, I went to Hamakawasaki to teach a class at the Toshiba plant there. They produce high voltage electrical equipment. I taught my first group class, and it was only a semi-disaster. I'm used to sink or swim situations and tend to thrive in them, but this is an almost entirely new level of irresponsible preparation from a boss. I'm just glad that I'm charming, or I'd have been fucked.

As it was, I pulled it off OK, although I did have to run to the copy machine a total of 3 times. In the middle of class. Fortunately, it was a 2 hour class, and, like I said, I'm charming. So, it was fine. Never let them see you sweat and the world will be your oyster.

On the way out of the plant, I chatted with the boss. The big boss, the corporate guy who runs the joint. It's interesting that he had some interesting characteristics that strongly reminded me of some of the high-ranking corporate types that I knew back home. The longer that I'm here, the more I'm reminded that people are fundamentally the same everywhere, regardless of cultural differences, which is a very good lesson to learn. We had a nice conversation (he's been to Portland), and I was reminded yet again that success in life is often measured by who you know and not by what you know or how good you are at knowing it. It's comforting that I am good at knowing stuff and forming bonds with people, including high-ranking Japanese businessmen.

There was a student tonight...a couple, actually, who seemed interested in a little more than a traditional teacher-student relationship. One of them asked me what I was doing after work. She isn't technically *my* student (there are two teachers), so I may entertain the idea of some dating. I would say that normally the teacher-student power dynamic would overrule such a thing, but in this case I am the one who is technically at a disadvantage since this is her country, I don't speak the language all that well, and she could probably get me deported.

So, yeah. We'll see.

On Barack Obama and a vastly improved Union.

2008-11-08T22:21:00.009+09:00

I've waited to write about Barack Obama because I wanted to let my feelings on the subject settle in, and I wanted to make sure that I could write something that meant something, that I could remember, something beyond the pure, intense elation that I felt on that Wednesday afternoon, here in Tokyo, when the United States of America elected a black man for President.

Barack Obama is more than his skin color. He is more than a racial stereotype or a broken barrier or a shattered glass ceiling. Simply put, the man is the most gifted politician that I have ever seen, and I say that having spent my entire adult life compulsively following politics.

First and foremost, President-elect Obama is an intellectual. His academic credentials are not only top-notch, they are the best of the the best. Simply put, Barack Obama is brilliant. I do not make that assertion out of a sense of idolatry or hero-worship...it's a fact. He has run the most disciplined political campaign that I've seen in my life, and it's not an accident. He did it because he, himself, is deeply disciplined and deeply analytical. He attended Ivy League institutions on scholarships. He was the president of the Harvard Law Review, one of the most distinguished legal journals in the country. Like Bill Clinton before him, if you should meet Barack Obama, you will know, for a fact, that you are standing with the smartest person in the room, or at least in the top 1 or 2 percent. THAT is who you want running your country, not someone you'd like to have a beer with (although I would), not somebody who could tell a dirty joke at a barbecue (although I'm sure he knows a few), but you WANT the guy who can sit down with other people, people who would normally also be considered the smartest persons in the room, and have him sift through their possibly conflicting opinions and decisively arrive at the best possible conclusion. Barack Obama is that person.

I don't expect to agree with every conclusion that he comes to. On the contrary, I expect to regularly disagree with him and the conclusions that he and his administration arrive at. However, I know that when President Obama and I disagree, it won't be because he hasn't considered my opinion or because he arrogantly refuses to consider the possibility that he might be wrong or the ramifications of his actions or inactions. This will not be another Bush administration.

Finally, this would be a very incomplete post if I did not describe my feelings about race in this election.

I cried on Wednesday night when I watched Obama's victory speech in Illinois. I was overcome by the knowledge that my country, the United States, had finally, after so many years, lived up to its previously unfulfilled credo, that all men, and women, are created equal in our intellectual potential and our human capacity to do good things on this planet, and by the fact that white and black and Latino and asian Americans had decided, together, that skin color was less important than ideas and talent and dedication. The inequalities inflicted on the black community over the course of the last 400 years by slavery and by Jim Crow and by subtle and not-so-subtle institutional and interpersonal racism have not been lifted. They remain, and will forever remain, a great stain on American history, one of our greatest sins. Racism will remain a horrible and virulently evil reality in communities all across our country. However, from this day forth, for the very first time, every black child in the United States of America will know that their potential is not limited by the color of their skin, but only by their imagination and capacity for self-improvement. That they could, if they work very hard and are very lucky, become the most powerful man or woman in the world. That is so incredibly beautiful, and I am so proud of my country for the first time in a very long time.

I love America. I love what it can stand for. At its best, it is so very, very good. At its worst, as we have learned over the last 8 years, it can be so very evil. And I have watched and read about evils committed by my country, on television and newspaper and internet, and have despaired for the loss of our great potential to fear and xenophobia and hate of other, different cultures. We reached a turning point in American history, a point where the America of Thomas Jefferson and Abraham Lincoln became America as envisioned by authoritarian oppressors by the names of Dick Cheny, Alberto Gonzales, Donald Rumsfeld, David Addington, John Yoo, Paul Wolfowitz, and George Bush, Jr., who saw no problem with suspending habeas corpus, or with torturing potentially innocent suspects, or with illegally waging war against the innocent and the guilty alike, or with listening in on the private conversations of Americans. They are vile and disgusting human beings for what they have done to my country. There is no room for an intellectual debate with those who would be willing to torture other human beings in exchange for the illusion of security. There is no room for ANYTHING but the strongest possible condemnation. It is my fervent wish to see these men and women (Monica Goodling, I'm looking your way), and more, rot in prison for the crimes that they have committed against my country in the name of power, politics, and security. I will never forgive them for what they've done to the United States. It will take years to undo the damage that they have done, if it can be entirely undone.

Barack Obama's election is a repudiation of the fear-mongering and authoritarianism that these men stand for, and it is the greatest single step in healing our nation's racial divide since the Emancipation Proclamation. A new day has dawned in America, and my only regret is that I couldn't dance in the streets, in joy, with my countrymen.

The leg thing.

2008-11-07T22:24:00.000+09:00

I went into the doctor today, which was an interesting ordeal, given my level of Japanese proficiency and the staff and doctor's level of English proficiency. Fortunately, we made it through.

I apparently have a pinched sciatic nerve, which I suspected might be the case, but wasn't entirely sure. It's making my left leg burn and ache and it makes my left toes feel tingly and a little numb. It is usually caused by a slight herniation of the connective tissue between spinal discs.

The good news is that the condition is usually resolved without surgery. The bad news is that he thinks my knees are in the early stages of osteoarthritis, but I think I could have told him that myself. I also think that my left knee probably has some torn cartilage or something else going on...he thought that the symptoms were arthritic, but I'm skeptical of that. It feels like something else is going on.

So, anyway, nothing particularly earth shattering. I'm scheduled for an MRI next week, and I'm going to be practicing yoga fairly religiously from now on in an attempt to get this straightened out on my own. It feels better just to have a diagnosis, but I'm going to follow through with the MRI and his treatment suggestions. I'm on a vitamin b12 supplement and an anti-inflammatory. We'll see what happens.

So, about the blogging.

2008-11-06T23:58:00.002+09:00

Things have kind of settled into a routine, which makes it hard for me to write...it helps to have some sort of impetus in my life to inspire the blogging, and I've been lacking that a bit over the last week. Yesterday was a big day, though, and I want to chronicle my thoughts on the subject. First black American president? Kind of a big deal.

Anyway, I'll collect my thoughts on the subject and get them down on here. Tomorrow I am headed to the doctor to have my leg looked at...I'll post an update on that, as well.

Disappointment.

2008-11-03T18:27:00.005+09:00

So, this weekend, my roommate, Andrew, planned a party and invited a bunch of people. Now, as we all know, in any given party situation, it is of dire importance to have a relatively even gender balance. However, on Saturday night, I came home from my work Halloween party, and noticed about 10 pairs of men's shoes and 3 pairs of women's shoes. "Oh, shit," I thought to myself. "I fucking knew it. It's a sausage party." And it was. Oh god, how it was.

I had been looking forward to the party, but I knew that Andrew was undoubtedly exaggerating when he said that there would be at least 10 girls coming to his little get together...3 girls is effectively a party disaster of monumental proportions. Do you know what happens when you throw 4 or 5 girls into a party with 15+ guys, and then soak said party down with hard alcohol? Hmmmm? Well, I'll tell you.

It sucks with the ferocity of a thousand daisy-chained Hoovers. It bites like a swimming pool filled with piranhas. It stinks like the rotting, maggot-infested carcasses of a landfill's worth of dead skunks.

Men are under the terrible influence of a vicious drug called testosterone. Even among the best of us, testosterone leads to occasional senseless aggression and occasional hostility. Pour in a bunch of alcohol, and drop a not spectacular collective IQ by another 20 or 30 points, and you have your basic party clusterfuck.

Back to the party...of the 4 females who came, 2 of them left around 11, and that left 2 for the rest of the evening. I think you can see where this is going. The party thinned out, but they were still outnumbered about 4 or 5 to 1. So lame.

I ended up out of the porch alone with both of them separately at various points in the evening and they seemed interested, but I wasn't particularly interested in giving chase, as I have done plenty of that in the last few months. I am pretty much fed up with it. Guys who don't really give a shit, strangely enough, tend to be catnip for the ladies, however, and I kept ending up alone with them out of the porch. Fine then. One of them was hungry, so I walked her down to the nearest convenience store and asked her if she'd like to join me on the bank of the Edogawa for some privacy. She said yes. Fine.

So, on the way to the river, which involved walking back by the apartment, we were intercepted by Andrew, who said that Joe, my other roommate, who had invited the girl, was having a total hissyfit because I had disappeared with her. Apparently Joe is under the impression that women are not sentient beings capable of making their own decisions, but pliable little love toys who exist solely to service him sexually. He had taken to sticking knives in the ceiling to illustrate his rage. Fucking douchebag.

Whatever. I didn't know this girl, didn't have any particular connection to her, and the party was already pretty much a tidal wave of bullshit, as far as I was concerned. I could have escalated the situation in various ways, but the reality is that the easiest course of action was to just go upstairs and placate the douchebag, who I think I will hereafter refer to as "The Douchebag."

Clearly, however, The Douchebag's butt is still chapped by the fact that "his" girl liked me, because he's been a passive aggressive prick for the last 2 days. God, how I hate this high school bullshit. He's leaving on the 10th, and I am really looking forward to it.

Anyway. Once I start getting paid, I won't have to look forward to lame-ass excuses for parties to enhance my social life.

I'm including this sunset pic because it is cool and I like to use beauty to conquer negativity. Here's the beauty, from my porch:

Click to make it bigger.

Fall does come to Japan, sooner or later.

2008-11-01T02:23:00.002+09:00

It's 2:30 in the morning, and I'm about to head to bed after a long week with little sleep. Getting up early has never been my strong spot, and I'm finding that my Tokyo internal clock is no different than anywhere else. I'd harbored hopes, initially following the jet lag, that I might be able to reset my schedule, but...alas. I am a night owl born and bred.

I started work this week and everything went very well. I made it in on time every day, despite the best efforts of Tokyo's train system to thwart me, and my boss is apparently impressed with my rapport with the students. He offered me visa sponsorship and a full time position, which is officially a Huge Deal in the big scheme of me making it work here. I had another interview scheduled for next week with another company, but they want me to work for a week, in "training," without the benefit of pay...I'm confident that I could have gotten the job, but I'm not so cool with working...*ahem*...I mean training...without pay. Mmmmm...no.

I've been thinking a lot about Iowa over the last day or tow, and how my life over the last year has become strangely intertwined with events that occurred there, past and present. It's strange to think of it fondly after so many years of repudiation and disdain. It feels a lot more adult, on a certain level, to feel this strange and deep connection with it, instead of railing against a place that can't feel or appreciate my angst. In some ways, I can visualize Iowa more vividly than Portland, which is really odd. Maybe I'm just too fresh out of P-town, or view it more as home, or something. I don't know.

I'm listening to a Fugees tune...super mellow, beautiful. I'm tired...going to bed now. Goodnight, blog.

All right, then. All is well in the universe.

2008-10-31T11:26:00.002+09:00

I'll make this short and sweet, since I'm writing this from work.

Today my boss offered me a contract and visa sponsorship. That means that, barring any unforeseen disasters, I've made it in Japan. The taste of success is always sweet.

More later.

The gig.

2008-10-29T21:34:00.004+09:00

As promised, here is my update on the job situation.

I started yesterday at 8am, and everything went as expected, for the most part. I saw 3 clients in a row, guided by my co-worker, John, who recruited me after a night of drinking on my first night in Tokyo. Don't ever say that partying with jet-lag in Tokyo never did anyone any good, because I am living proof that you are a liar.

So, yes. I owe John a beer.

My work with the clients largely consists of just talking to them and occasionally, gently, correcting their English. It's not hard work or particularly challenging. I have a largely intuitive grasp of English, but it's a very solid grasp and I can explain the whys and hows, in the cases where there are any...because, as we all know, English is a fucked up language, grammatically speaking. There are also workbook exercises that we can go through, if the student wishes to, but I think they are more interested in stimulating conversation than anything. Most of them are referred to the school by Toshiba, which has a manufacturing plant very nearby. So, I talk to managers, engineers, programmers, etc. It's actually interesting because I get to talk about technology, one of my great loves, as well as business and economics. It seems like a good place for a nerd to be, and I'm making a fairly ridiculous wage for how little actual work is involved. I need more hours to make that wage count for anything, but anything is better than nothing, at this point.

After work today, I tried and failed to cash a check at a local bank...apparently I need an account, much like the United States. Oddly enough, though, it's a cashier's check, which should just be like...you know...cash. Maybe I'll try again tomorrow at the post office, which apparently doubles as a banking institution in Japan. Don't ask. The bad part about banking is that I feel like a moron every time I go inside because my Japanese sucks. I can often say what I need to with decent accuracy, but my listening comprehension is terrible. Practice, I guess.

After the failed attempt at banking, I came home and watched some TV shows that I had downloaded to my laptop, and then I headed down to the river, which is just a few steps from my house, and watched the most amazing sunset. So beautiful. I've included some pictures, for you, my beloved readers. I think fall is almost here, although it is so slow, so very slow, to come to Tokyo. The trees near my house, on the banks of Edogawa, the Edo River, are starting to take on a slightly golden cast, and I hope to see reds and golds and bright yellows very soon.

Goodnight.

first day.

2008-10-28T21:56:00.003+09:00

My first day at work was really, really long. I left the house 16 hours ago and I just got home, so I'm a little exhausted. Tomorrow is a short day, but it starts in 8 hours, so I'm going to take a shower and hit the sack now. Complete update tomorrow.

Tomorrow.

2008-10-26T23:34:00.002+09:00

So, I've been editing internet pages for a company out of the Bay Area, and I pretty much despise it with every fiber in my being. I'm being paid jack shit to fix up the worst English you've ever seen. I haven't been paid this little since I did factory work in Decorah. So, yeah. Think I'll be quitting tomorrow.

I start work Tuesday and I'm really excited to get out into the world and out of this apartment. I'm also going to make a doctor's appointment sometime soon, and set up all the financing in advance through my insurance company and the hospital. It would suck to get hit with a huge bill...I'd rather not do that.

Karen sent me a long email yesterday reflecting on our time together, and I feel, somehow, that I missed the boat on something really good with her. It seems like my timing sucks all the time right now, at this point in my life, and I don't know what to do about that. I've been living in the past and the future so much, lately, that I haven't taken much time to take stock of the present. I guess maybe the grass is always greener wherever you aren't, but it's really easy to play the what-if game. After the way things have gone down with Maria, though, I don't think it's a bad idea to take some time off and take stock of my place in the world and my emotional development. It's so odd to me, though, that someone who I met only a handful of weeks ago would provide me with so much support and love, and that someone who called herself my best friend could offer so little. Life is filled with these weird little surprises, I guess. Some really good, others...not so much.

I got a job!!!

2008-10-24T18:53:00.003+09:00

This post is for my Mom, who has apparently decided that I must be lying dead in a Tokyo gutter if I'm not glued to my computer for 18 hrs a day. Which has been, largely, the case.

Anyway, today started out like any other day this week...that is to say, crappy. It was pouring...pouring...rain. We're not talking light Oregon rain, we're talking soak-your-ass-to-the-bone-in-a-matter-of-minutes rain. I was going to walk to the train station, wearing my suit and carrying my bag with my dress shoes neatly tucked inside, but opted to take the bus, instead, due to the heavy rain.

Bad, bad idea. Traffic here in Ichikawa, and maybe everywhere in Tokyo, travels at a crawl. A slow, slow crawl. Naturally, the rain stopped the second that I got on the bus, and, also naturally, I hadn't eaten breakfast and was furious as a result. Not good.

On one of the 500 train transfers required to get anywhere here, I lost my umbrella. And by my umbrella, I mean either the house's or one of my housemate's. Fuck. I also got turned around in the station and had to ask twice for directions. Inconvenient, to say the least.

Long story short, I met my contact, went in for the interview, and all was well and good. I'm hired. I start Tuesday. Hell yes. First good news this week, and it's really good news.

Two interviews.

2008-10-22T19:05:00.005+09:00

So, the good news is that I have scheduled my first real interview for Friday at 11:45, and another interview on November 5. The first position is for a part-time job, with potential for full-time, and the second is regarding full-time employment with one of Japan's biggest English teaching companies, Berlitz. They have a pretty good reputation, although there are some things about them that I am leery of, not least of which is their policy of requiring six days of un-fucking-paid training. Eh, ya gotta do what ya gotta do.

I was going to say that there is also bad news involved, but the reality is that I should be really happy right now, and focusing on the positive, instead of embracing the negative cycle that I've been..."enjoying"...for the last few days. The fact that it took me two days of job hunting, and three applications to get my first interview should be an indication that everything is going to be all right. I'm concerned about the timeframe between now and my first paycheck, but I will deal with that as it comes. I have money for rent for two months, and will just enforce very strict financial discipline between now and then. It's going to be tight, but it's not un-doable. I can also pick up some part-time work, in the meantime, that will at least give me a small income stream, and I also have a couple of other applications out there that may yet produce results quickly. I'm also considering a transition to South Korea, probably temporarily, to work until I can find a job in Japan. If they offer me a position soon enough, it would be hard not to take it and there seems to be a very high level of demand for English teachers in South Korea.

Here's the big problem, and it's stressing me out. A visa application in Japan requires four to five weeks for approval. I basically need to start working nearly full-time almost immediately. On the plus side, though, there seem to be some opportunities for me to make money online doing some various odd jobs...editing and tutoring, for two. it is not really an issue of survival, but fun. Tokyo is not that expensive to live in, although it's not cheap, but travel and entertainment are expensive. So, the less income I have, the more I sit around in my apartment going slowly, but surely, stir crazy.

I'm attaching a picture of the view from my window on the fifth story. The window has a ledge that is quite solid, and I've been sitting at it at night with my feet dangling five stories in the air and letting the cool night breeze washing over me. My first day here, Wednesday, I bought a pack of cigarettes that I finished off tonight. I've been giving them away whenever possible and only having one or two a day, but it is still a relief to have them gone. They are super cheap here...about 300 yen per pack, which about three dollars in US. I won't be buying them again, but it was a nice distraction while it lasted, and it's always nice to have a reminder now and then of why I'm not a smoker.

I talked to Ali and Tom and my sister and Nathan today, and it was really nice to hear so many friendly voices back home. This is still all very unfamiliar, and it's going to take a while before I feel at home here. I'm handling the culture shock pretty well, I think, but it's never easy all the time for any foreigner in a new place.

Quickie.

2008-10-22T00:29:00.003+09:00

Things are slowing down a bit, now, since I'm looking for work and trying not to spend money. Today I mostly hung out around the house, although I did take a quick trip down to the local market to buy some real food. I've been eating a lot of noodles and pre-packaged crap, so it was time to go pick up some vegetables and juice and a staple or two. Groceries here actually aren't that expensive and seafood is insanely cheap, so I'll probably be frequently augmenting my protein supply with it, as well as bribing local stray kitties who think that they are impervious to my charms.

I've been feeling a bit of the malaise over the last couple of days. It was largely due, today, to the fact that my knee has been fucked up and I've been trying to rest it and ice it and compress it and elevate it. It's a pain in the ass, as you'd suspect, but the procedure does seem to be helping. If I can't get it substantially under control in the next few days, though, it'll be time to see a doctor. I did buy travel insurance before I left, so it's not a huge deal, although I don't really want to pay the deductible, either.

I've been getting in touch with some anger over my ex's refusal to offer me any kind of support during this difficult transitional period, but, on the other hand, it's not like it's a big change from her behavior over the last 2 months. I don't know how she went from so warm to so cold...it makes me question my judgment in the whole matter. Maybe she was never all that warm to begin with. Right now it feels like future friendship with her is fairly out of the question, but I suppose that could all change. I shouldn't have to beg my friends to be my friends when I need them...that I know for a fucking fact.

On the other hand, anger is probably exactly what I needed to just cut strings once and for all and really move on with my life, so maybe it's all for the best. Besides, I've been getting a lot of support from my old friends and from new and unexpected quarters, so that has really helped to keep me going and stay focused on the future. More on that later.

Anyway, I guess this wasn't all that quick. I can write for days, these days, when I let open the floodgates. Tomorrow I'll try to provide a description of the area and my apartment for you all.

Working...not quite yet, no.

2008-10-20T20:02:00.003+09:00

Today went pretty well, aside from the horrible hangover. I got a lot done...completely polished up my resume and finished a cover letter and sent out an application to one of the bigger language schools in Japan. They responded almost immediately, requesting a resume and sending a questionnaire. The questionnaire, of course, was 37 pages long, so I spent a lot of time finishing that off, but, by this time tomorrow, I should have a good six or seven applications completed and out in the world.

I also managed to talk to my parents and my friend Karen. Sweet.

I have to edit a bunch of the most retarded webpages you've ever seen your life, so I should get to that. Maybe I'll throw in another post later, if I have the motivation.

This blog is now set to private, so if you are reading it, congratulations...you are cool.