Next weekend promises to be fairly epic. In the spring, the cherry tree in Japan blossom, and the Japanese people go frickin' insane with the partying. On Saturday, I have two hanami (flower watching) parties, and another on Sunday. Saturday's will involve simply going to the park with food and booze and then drinking first with my friends and then with my new co-workers in the company of beautifully blooming cherry trees. We'll be located in Yoyogi Park...it's the biggest in Tokyo, and there will be a metric assload of people there. Later in the day and into the evening, soundsystems will be fired up around the park, and there will be bands and DJs and dancing and singing. In theory, it will be awesome. Big surreal events tend to remind me of Burning Man, so I'm wondering if I'll get that vibe in this case...guess we'll find out.
I also have a couchsurfer from Sweden staying with me, which should be fun. She's coming from China and staying for a few nights. Probably couldn't have picked a better time to come to Tokyo...
My last post elicited a lot of supportive emails from my friends and family, and I really appreciate it. I couldn't do this without you all cheering me on. I love you all! Even the bitchy ones (you know who you are).
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Saturday, March 21, 2009
I'm tired....saturdays suck.
Saturdays at the eikaiwa (English school) are really weak. One of my co-workers was out, so I filled his shift for him. Last night, of course, I went to hang out with the old roommates, and there was a lot of drinking and not that much sleep. So, I am tired.
A friend of mine in Portland posted some pictures of my old favorite bar on Facebook. It is a few blocks walk from my old house and the atmosphere is eclectic, funky, and weird. I often felt more at home there than in my own living room, especially during some difficult periods at the old homestead with one especially horrible girlfriend, and I held my going away party there.
It was strange to see this lovely, special girl, who I had introduced to the bar and whose place in my life is still not entirely clear to me, with her friends in this place that I loved, and I felt so very, very far away. Today, low on cash yet again and fighting exhaustion, I wondered, I think maybe for the first time, what the hell am I doing here?
I don't know if there's a simple answer to that question, but my new job is going to need to be really pretty awesome or this thing probably just isn't going to work out. I've been making it by the skin of my teeth since I got here and it'll be a full 6 months of just barely...barely...skating by, and I really don't know how much more I can handle.
However, tomorrow is another day and the job looks to be pretty awesome.
A friend of mine in Portland posted some pictures of my old favorite bar on Facebook. It is a few blocks walk from my old house and the atmosphere is eclectic, funky, and weird. I often felt more at home there than in my own living room, especially during some difficult periods at the old homestead with one especially horrible girlfriend, and I held my going away party there.
It was strange to see this lovely, special girl, who I had introduced to the bar and whose place in my life is still not entirely clear to me, with her friends in this place that I loved, and I felt so very, very far away. Today, low on cash yet again and fighting exhaustion, I wondered, I think maybe for the first time, what the hell am I doing here?
I don't know if there's a simple answer to that question, but my new job is going to need to be really pretty awesome or this thing probably just isn't going to work out. I've been making it by the skin of my teeth since I got here and it'll be a full 6 months of just barely...barely...skating by, and I really don't know how much more I can handle.
However, tomorrow is another day and the job looks to be pretty awesome.
Monday, March 16, 2009
Latest and greatest.
I've been spending some time walking around my new neighborhood and getting to know the joint. Sometimes Tokyo all looks the same...all grays and earth tones and strangly vertical buildings, largely devoid of any redeeming architectural qualities. Don't get me wrong, there's a lot of interesting architecture here, but you typically have to look for it. Your average house/apartment building architecture is generally horrible, which is really kind of weird given the amazing beauty of traditional Japanese buildings. Fortunately, there are many temples about in *exactly* that ancient, beautiful style of architecture.
So there are lots of little parks and plants lining the streets here, which is a major shift from Ichikawa. The train station is also surprisingly interesting, architecturally, and I'm kind of dying to photograph it...that desire, however, is strongly dampened by the overall shittiness of my cheap-ass camera. On the other hand, I did manage to shoot an entire music video with the aforementioned crappy camera, so I guess I shouldn't complain too much. In any case, the station has lots of interesting curves and angles...I really like it.
This weekend I was pretty naughty. I DJed again on Saturday night in Daikanyama, which is near Shibuya. My last train shoots out of there at 12:40, which is a definite improvement over Ichikawa, although it's still pretty early. Fortunately, it's not hard to find overnight activities in Shibuya if necessary. The main problem is the fact that you will spend insane quantities of money if you aren't careful. For example, last night I was delighted to find myself in a bar that had Red Hook in bottles. You have no idea how very, very happy I was to find decent beer in this god-forsaken city. The Japanese apparently hate good beer, they're apparently about a decade or more behind the States in this regard. Sadly, a single beer will usually run somewhere between 600 and 900 yen, which is the approximate equivalent of 6-9 dollars.
Sadly, my happiness about the beer was tempered by the meat market atmosphere. Also, let me point out that gaijin (foreigners) in Tokyo are often relentlessly fucking stupid. Obviously, I have many wonderful gaijin friends, but, when it comes to meeting new people, I'm quickly approaching the point where I'm more comfortable with Japanese than with foreigners, which is kind of a weird deal.
Let's wrap this up, people. I'm fooling around with some new software that makes remixing incredibly easy, so I spent most of the day working on something new. My compositions from scratch tend to get out of control pretty rapidly, so remixing gives me a definite structure and path to follow. I think it's a good way to develop my skills, and it's a natural extension of DJing so it seems to come more easily.
I have other stuff on my mind, but I can't get it all onto the internet. There just aren't enough hours in the day.
So there are lots of little parks and plants lining the streets here, which is a major shift from Ichikawa. The train station is also surprisingly interesting, architecturally, and I'm kind of dying to photograph it...that desire, however, is strongly dampened by the overall shittiness of my cheap-ass camera. On the other hand, I did manage to shoot an entire music video with the aforementioned crappy camera, so I guess I shouldn't complain too much. In any case, the station has lots of interesting curves and angles...I really like it.
This weekend I was pretty naughty. I DJed again on Saturday night in Daikanyama, which is near Shibuya. My last train shoots out of there at 12:40, which is a definite improvement over Ichikawa, although it's still pretty early. Fortunately, it's not hard to find overnight activities in Shibuya if necessary. The main problem is the fact that you will spend insane quantities of money if you aren't careful. For example, last night I was delighted to find myself in a bar that had Red Hook in bottles. You have no idea how very, very happy I was to find decent beer in this god-forsaken city. The Japanese apparently hate good beer, they're apparently about a decade or more behind the States in this regard. Sadly, a single beer will usually run somewhere between 600 and 900 yen, which is the approximate equivalent of 6-9 dollars.
Sadly, my happiness about the beer was tempered by the meat market atmosphere. Also, let me point out that gaijin (foreigners) in Tokyo are often relentlessly fucking stupid. Obviously, I have many wonderful gaijin friends, but, when it comes to meeting new people, I'm quickly approaching the point where I'm more comfortable with Japanese than with foreigners, which is kind of a weird deal.
Let's wrap this up, people. I'm fooling around with some new software that makes remixing incredibly easy, so I spent most of the day working on something new. My compositions from scratch tend to get out of control pretty rapidly, so remixing gives me a definite structure and path to follow. I think it's a good way to develop my skills, and it's a natural extension of DJing so it seems to come more easily.
I have other stuff on my mind, but I can't get it all onto the internet. There just aren't enough hours in the day.
Monday, March 9, 2009
Wow.
This post is going to be a little long...my mind is in about a million different places right now, and a lot of things have happened recently. Mostly good...some, not so much, but mostly pretty good.
The first one: I had a job interview on Friday, and they emailed less than one business day later to let me know that I got the gig. That means they liked me, I suppose. I start on April 9th. The salary is good, the vacation is spectacular at over 6 weeks (not including the ample national holidays) in a contract year, and the best part is the fact that the company seems to generally give a shit about the people who make them their money. I'm really happy about that. You know what? Screw happy, I'm ecstatic. This job is a rarity in Japan. I'm a little overwhelmed.
The job itself: I'll be teaching first through fourth graders at an elementary school. I'll be reading, speaking, and studying Japanese every single day at work. With this job, the possibility of achieving some real fluency in Japanese becomes a possibility. More than a possiblity. One of my goals here is to become conversant in Japanese, so this job is more than a paycheck and stability and good times with the cutest damn children you've ever seen...it'll help me to accomplish one of the things that I really wanted from my trip to Japan.
2nd thing. I just moved out of Ichikawa into Tokyo proper. My commute time is reduced by about...no joke...3 to 4 hours per day. Yeah. I've been going home in between my split shifts, where I need to kill about 6 to 7 hours, and it's been driving me inexorably over the cliff. Not any more.
My new place is nice. My room is bigger. The bed is more comfortable. My roommates are cool, although my old roommates were (with some exceptions) pretty awesome as well. However, most of my roommates here are Japanese, so, again, I'm presented with more opportunities to improve my Japanese skill. I'm noticing a trend.
The area is also nice, too. I'm currently about 20 minutes, by walking and train, from Shibuya, which is basically the heart of Tokyo. I can make it to my current job in about 25 minutes. I may have to move closer to future job at some point, but I'll worry about that later. I can handle up to an hour without going too insane. More than that might tip the scales, but we'll see how it goes.
3rd thing. I had my first couchsurfer, the girl who I stayed with in Korea. It was all right, but definitely a mistake to host while I was moving. I was just stressed and exhausted and it wasn't really ideal. I couldn't take her out and show her the town like I would have if I'd been operating at 100%. Anyway. Live and learn. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't going a little nuts by the time she left this morning, but, hey. You need your space, especially when you've been moving and going to job interviews and watching your current company--lying-ass sack of crap company, that is--blow up in your face.
4th thing. The ex and I had the big drawn out email session last week, as previously noted, and it was good to get everything in the open. It's taken virtually all of my anger way, which is good, but the loss of the hurt and anger has let some of the sadness to float back to the top. Even that is different, though, because I've realized that some of my good memories weren't nearly as good as I'd thought. Not for her, anyway. So the sadness, while still sad, is muted from where it was before.
I brought a rock with me to Tokyo, a bit of red and gold sand-beaten glass or plastic or maybe even actual quartz or something, although I doubt it. It was a small memento from a trip last spring, which now feels like a million years ago. I found it, while moving, and I realized that it didn't mean what I thought it did. I thought that it was a tangible piece of beautiful moment that I wanted to hold onto, but the reality is that the moment just isn't what I thought it was. I can't make it something that it's not. It wasn't that it was bad...I just didn't have the whole story until now.
I put it into my pocket. Yesterday, while walking around my new neighborhood, I found a street that followed a canal, deep and green. I took the stone out of my pocket and climbed up the ledge and I leaned onto the rail protecting the canal from the people, or vice versa. I took it out and I looked at it for a moment, and then I gently tossed it out into the water and watched the pretty red and gold sink down into the green murk of the canal. I'm happy to let it go because it means that I can let go of other memories, too.
Regarding memories, I recommend a movie by Akira Kurosawa called Rashomon. It's an extremely dark film about a samurai's murder, but the film is ultimately not about violence, but about the deceptiveness of recollection and the tricks that our minds play on us. I have my memories, you all have yours, and somewhere in between lies the truth of the matter.
The first one: I had a job interview on Friday, and they emailed less than one business day later to let me know that I got the gig. That means they liked me, I suppose. I start on April 9th. The salary is good, the vacation is spectacular at over 6 weeks (not including the ample national holidays) in a contract year, and the best part is the fact that the company seems to generally give a shit about the people who make them their money. I'm really happy about that. You know what? Screw happy, I'm ecstatic. This job is a rarity in Japan. I'm a little overwhelmed.
The job itself: I'll be teaching first through fourth graders at an elementary school. I'll be reading, speaking, and studying Japanese every single day at work. With this job, the possibility of achieving some real fluency in Japanese becomes a possibility. More than a possiblity. One of my goals here is to become conversant in Japanese, so this job is more than a paycheck and stability and good times with the cutest damn children you've ever seen...it'll help me to accomplish one of the things that I really wanted from my trip to Japan.
2nd thing. I just moved out of Ichikawa into Tokyo proper. My commute time is reduced by about...no joke...3 to 4 hours per day. Yeah. I've been going home in between my split shifts, where I need to kill about 6 to 7 hours, and it's been driving me inexorably over the cliff. Not any more.
My new place is nice. My room is bigger. The bed is more comfortable. My roommates are cool, although my old roommates were (with some exceptions) pretty awesome as well. However, most of my roommates here are Japanese, so, again, I'm presented with more opportunities to improve my Japanese skill. I'm noticing a trend.
The area is also nice, too. I'm currently about 20 minutes, by walking and train, from Shibuya, which is basically the heart of Tokyo. I can make it to my current job in about 25 minutes. I may have to move closer to future job at some point, but I'll worry about that later. I can handle up to an hour without going too insane. More than that might tip the scales, but we'll see how it goes.
3rd thing. I had my first couchsurfer, the girl who I stayed with in Korea. It was all right, but definitely a mistake to host while I was moving. I was just stressed and exhausted and it wasn't really ideal. I couldn't take her out and show her the town like I would have if I'd been operating at 100%. Anyway. Live and learn. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't going a little nuts by the time she left this morning, but, hey. You need your space, especially when you've been moving and going to job interviews and watching your current company--lying-ass sack of crap company, that is--blow up in your face.
4th thing. The ex and I had the big drawn out email session last week, as previously noted, and it was good to get everything in the open. It's taken virtually all of my anger way, which is good, but the loss of the hurt and anger has let some of the sadness to float back to the top. Even that is different, though, because I've realized that some of my good memories weren't nearly as good as I'd thought. Not for her, anyway. So the sadness, while still sad, is muted from where it was before.
I brought a rock with me to Tokyo, a bit of red and gold sand-beaten glass or plastic or maybe even actual quartz or something, although I doubt it. It was a small memento from a trip last spring, which now feels like a million years ago. I found it, while moving, and I realized that it didn't mean what I thought it did. I thought that it was a tangible piece of beautiful moment that I wanted to hold onto, but the reality is that the moment just isn't what I thought it was. I can't make it something that it's not. It wasn't that it was bad...I just didn't have the whole story until now.
I put it into my pocket. Yesterday, while walking around my new neighborhood, I found a street that followed a canal, deep and green. I took the stone out of my pocket and climbed up the ledge and I leaned onto the rail protecting the canal from the people, or vice versa. I took it out and I looked at it for a moment, and then I gently tossed it out into the water and watched the pretty red and gold sink down into the green murk of the canal. I'm happy to let it go because it means that I can let go of other memories, too.
Regarding memories, I recommend a movie by Akira Kurosawa called Rashomon. It's an extremely dark film about a samurai's murder, but the film is ultimately not about violence, but about the deceptiveness of recollection and the tricks that our minds play on us. I have my memories, you all have yours, and somewhere in between lies the truth of the matter.
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Super fucking busy.
The last few days have been a little bit crazy because of two factors, one of which I will discuss here directly. In my last post, I mentioned a "huge fucking distraction," which was an unkind way of saying that my ex-girlfriend had emailed me after 4 months of no communication between us. I put it into unkind terms because I'd been feeling bitter. OK, realistically, bitter is not really the correct emotion. Bitter is a 5'3", 98-pound, beach-bullied Everquest junkie...my emotion was the Incredible Hulk on steroids, crystal meth, and a 5 gallons of tequila (I may be slightly exaggerating). The whole thing had been more than significantly heartbreaking. Those of you who've followed the blog probably have a good idea of what I've been going through here, so I don't think I need to retell painful old tales.
She emailed to apologize for the gap in communication and I sent back a less than cheerful response, which kicked off a series of accusations and counter-accusations, both of which probably contained a lot of truth or at least truth through the lens of individual experience. We ended up rehashing some of the less pleasant details of our relationship and I learned some new things about our relationship that have haunted me to greater or lesser degrees in all of my long-term relationships. In any case, it was not particularly fun to go through recent, barely scabbed-over wounds with sandpaper, razor blades, and rubbing alcohol. However, the tone eventually shifted, and we both took responsibility for our various misdeeds and faults, which is the foundation of forgiveness and ultimately will give us to ability to fully move forward. I forgave a previous girlfriend for some pretty heinous behavior, but she never managed to show any remorse or real self-awareness, which is why any future relationship with her would be impossible and, ultimately, totally pointless. In her case, the act of forgiveness was solely for my own sanity, not out of any sense of great altruism, although I did recognize that she was simply a very sad, flawed person. My ex-ex-girlfriend, that is.
Jesus, I try not to use names on this fucking thing so that it's more or less anonymous unless you know me, but this ex-ex-girlfriend and ex-girlfriend shit is getting a little tedious. I digress.
Anyway, my most recent ex...can we just call her M? My most recent girlfriend took responsibility for her faults and I took responsibility for mine, and we ended our emails on a fairly positive note. I have forgiven her and (I think) vice versa. I think it's very possible that we'll have some semblance of a working friendship in the not-terribly-distant future, which would be a nice change from my previous girlfriends. I'm not ready for a resumption of full-on casual communication yet, but that'll probably happen with time. I'm open to the possibility.
I am moving this week, so with the combination of the recent emails and getting the fuck out of a place where I suffered a lot on several levels, I can finally close most of the chapter on my long, fucking thoroughly unpleasant beginning in Japan, and I'm really, really happy about that. Sprinkle a new job and adequate goddamn pay in the mix here, and things could actually be quite pleasant.
Factor #2 is going to have to wait a day or two. I have some resumes to email out.
She emailed to apologize for the gap in communication and I sent back a less than cheerful response, which kicked off a series of accusations and counter-accusations, both of which probably contained a lot of truth or at least truth through the lens of individual experience. We ended up rehashing some of the less pleasant details of our relationship and I learned some new things about our relationship that have haunted me to greater or lesser degrees in all of my long-term relationships. In any case, it was not particularly fun to go through recent, barely scabbed-over wounds with sandpaper, razor blades, and rubbing alcohol. However, the tone eventually shifted, and we both took responsibility for our various misdeeds and faults, which is the foundation of forgiveness and ultimately will give us to ability to fully move forward. I forgave a previous girlfriend for some pretty heinous behavior, but she never managed to show any remorse or real self-awareness, which is why any future relationship with her would be impossible and, ultimately, totally pointless. In her case, the act of forgiveness was solely for my own sanity, not out of any sense of great altruism, although I did recognize that she was simply a very sad, flawed person. My ex-ex-girlfriend, that is.
Jesus, I try not to use names on this fucking thing so that it's more or less anonymous unless you know me, but this ex-ex-girlfriend and ex-girlfriend shit is getting a little tedious. I digress.
Anyway, my most recent ex...can we just call her M? My most recent girlfriend took responsibility for her faults and I took responsibility for mine, and we ended our emails on a fairly positive note. I have forgiven her and (I think) vice versa. I think it's very possible that we'll have some semblance of a working friendship in the not-terribly-distant future, which would be a nice change from my previous girlfriends. I'm not ready for a resumption of full-on casual communication yet, but that'll probably happen with time. I'm open to the possibility.
I am moving this week, so with the combination of the recent emails and getting the fuck out of a place where I suffered a lot on several levels, I can finally close most of the chapter on my long, fucking thoroughly unpleasant beginning in Japan, and I'm really, really happy about that. Sprinkle a new job and adequate goddamn pay in the mix here, and things could actually be quite pleasant.
Factor #2 is going to have to wait a day or two. I have some resumes to email out.
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