I'll make this short and sweet, since I'm writing this from work.
Today my boss offered me a contract and visa sponsorship. That means that, barring any unforeseen disasters, I've made it in Japan. The taste of success is always sweet.
More later.
Friday, October 31, 2008
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
The gig.
As promised, here is my update on the job situation.
I started yesterday at 8am, and everything went as expected, for the most part. I saw 3 clients in a row, guided by my co-worker, John, who recruited me after a night of drinking on my first night in Tokyo. Don't ever say that partying with jet-lag in Tokyo never did anyone any good, because I am living proof that you are a liar.
So, yes. I owe John a beer.
My work with the clients largely consists of just talking to them and occasionally, gently, correcting their English. It's not hard work or particularly challenging. I have a largely intuitive grasp of English, but it's a very solid grasp and I can explain the whys and hows, in the cases where there are any...because, as we all know, English is a fucked up language, grammatically speaking. There are also workbook exercises that we can go through, if the student wishes to, but I think they are more interested in stimulating conversation than anything. Most of them are referred to the school by Toshiba, which has a manufacturing plant very nearby. So, I talk to managers, engineers, programmers, etc. It's actually interesting because I get to talk about technology, one of my great loves, as well as business and economics. It seems like a good place for a nerd to be, and I'm making a fairly ridiculous wage for how little actual work is involved. I need more hours to make that wage count for anything, but anything is better than nothing, at this point.
After work today, I tried and failed to cash a check at a local bank...apparently I need an account, much like the United States. Oddly enough, though, it's a cashier's check, which should just be like...you know...cash. Maybe I'll try again tomorrow at the post office, which apparently doubles as a banking institution in Japan. Don't ask. The bad part about banking is that I feel like a moron every time I go inside because my Japanese sucks. I can often say what I need to with decent accuracy, but my listening comprehension is terrible. Practice, I guess.
After the failed attempt at banking, I came home and watched some TV shows that I had downloaded to my laptop, and then I headed down to the river, which is just a few steps from my house, and watched the most amazing sunset. So beautiful. I've included some pictures, for you, my beloved readers. I think fall is almost here, although it is so slow, so very slow, to come to Tokyo. The trees near my house, on the banks of Edogawa, the Edo River, are starting to take on a slightly golden cast, and I hope to see reds and golds and bright yellows very soon.
Goodnight.
I started yesterday at 8am, and everything went as expected, for the most part. I saw 3 clients in a row, guided by my co-worker, John, who recruited me after a night of drinking on my first night in Tokyo. Don't ever say that partying with jet-lag in Tokyo never did anyone any good, because I am living proof that you are a liar.
So, yes. I owe John a beer.
My work with the clients largely consists of just talking to them and occasionally, gently, correcting their English. It's not hard work or particularly challenging. I have a largely intuitive grasp of English, but it's a very solid grasp and I can explain the whys and hows, in the cases where there are any...because, as we all know, English is a fucked up language, grammatically speaking. There are also workbook exercises that we can go through, if the student wishes to, but I think they are more interested in stimulating conversation than anything. Most of them are referred to the school by Toshiba, which has a manufacturing plant very nearby. So, I talk to managers, engineers, programmers, etc. It's actually interesting because I get to talk about technology, one of my great loves, as well as business and economics. It seems like a good place for a nerd to be, and I'm making a fairly ridiculous wage for how little actual work is involved. I need more hours to make that wage count for anything, but anything is better than nothing, at this point.
After work today, I tried and failed to cash a check at a local bank...apparently I need an account, much like the United States. Oddly enough, though, it's a cashier's check, which should just be like...you know...cash. Maybe I'll try again tomorrow at the post office, which apparently doubles as a banking institution in Japan. Don't ask. The bad part about banking is that I feel like a moron every time I go inside because my Japanese sucks. I can often say what I need to with decent accuracy, but my listening comprehension is terrible. Practice, I guess.
After the failed attempt at banking, I came home and watched some TV shows that I had downloaded to my laptop, and then I headed down to the river, which is just a few steps from my house, and watched the most amazing sunset. So beautiful. I've included some pictures, for you, my beloved readers. I think fall is almost here, although it is so slow, so very slow, to come to Tokyo. The trees near my house, on the banks of Edogawa, the Edo River, are starting to take on a slightly golden cast, and I hope to see reds and golds and bright yellows very soon.
Goodnight.
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
first day.
My first day at work was really, really long. I left the house 16 hours ago and I just got home, so I'm a little exhausted. Tomorrow is a short day, but it starts in 8 hours, so I'm going to take a shower and hit the sack now. Complete update tomorrow.
Sunday, October 26, 2008
Tomorrow.
So, I've been editing internet pages for a company out of the Bay Area, and I pretty much despise it with every fiber in my being. I'm being paid jack shit to fix up the worst English you've ever seen. I haven't been paid this little since I did factory work in Decorah. So, yeah. Think I'll be quitting tomorrow.
I start work Tuesday and I'm really excited to get out into the world and out of this apartment. I'm also going to make a doctor's appointment sometime soon, and set up all the financing in advance through my insurance company and the hospital. It would suck to get hit with a huge bill...I'd rather not do that.
Karen sent me a long email yesterday reflecting on our time together, and I feel, somehow, that I missed the boat on something really good with her. It seems like my timing sucks all the time right now, at this point in my life, and I don't know what to do about that. I've been living in the past and the future so much, lately, that I haven't taken much time to take stock of the present. I guess maybe the grass is always greener wherever you aren't, but it's really easy to play the what-if game. After the way things have gone down with Maria, though, I don't think it's a bad idea to take some time off and take stock of my place in the world and my emotional development. It's so odd to me, though, that someone who I met only a handful of weeks ago would provide me with so much support and love, and that someone who called herself my best friend could offer so little. Life is filled with these weird little surprises, I guess. Some really good, others...not so much.
I start work Tuesday and I'm really excited to get out into the world and out of this apartment. I'm also going to make a doctor's appointment sometime soon, and set up all the financing in advance through my insurance company and the hospital. It would suck to get hit with a huge bill...I'd rather not do that.
Karen sent me a long email yesterday reflecting on our time together, and I feel, somehow, that I missed the boat on something really good with her. It seems like my timing sucks all the time right now, at this point in my life, and I don't know what to do about that. I've been living in the past and the future so much, lately, that I haven't taken much time to take stock of the present. I guess maybe the grass is always greener wherever you aren't, but it's really easy to play the what-if game. After the way things have gone down with Maria, though, I don't think it's a bad idea to take some time off and take stock of my place in the world and my emotional development. It's so odd to me, though, that someone who I met only a handful of weeks ago would provide me with so much support and love, and that someone who called herself my best friend could offer so little. Life is filled with these weird little surprises, I guess. Some really good, others...not so much.
Friday, October 24, 2008
I got a job!!!
This post is for my Mom, who has apparently decided that I must be lying dead in a Tokyo gutter if I'm not glued to my computer for 18 hrs a day. Which has been, largely, the case.
Anyway, today started out like any other day this week...that is to say, crappy. It was pouring...pouring...rain. We're not talking light Oregon rain, we're talking soak-your-ass-to-the-bone-in-a-matter-of-minutes rain. I was going to walk to the train station, wearing my suit and carrying my bag with my dress shoes neatly tucked inside, but opted to take the bus, instead, due to the heavy rain.
Bad, bad idea. Traffic here in Ichikawa, and maybe everywhere in Tokyo, travels at a crawl. A slow, slow crawl. Naturally, the rain stopped the second that I got on the bus, and, also naturally, I hadn't eaten breakfast and was furious as a result. Not good.
On one of the 500 train transfers required to get anywhere here, I lost my umbrella. And by my umbrella, I mean either the house's or one of my housemate's. Fuck. I also got turned around in the station and had to ask twice for directions. Inconvenient, to say the least.
Long story short, I met my contact, went in for the interview, and all was well and good. I'm hired. I start Tuesday. Hell yes. First good news this week, and it's really good news.
Anyway, today started out like any other day this week...that is to say, crappy. It was pouring...pouring...rain. We're not talking light Oregon rain, we're talking soak-your-ass-to-the-bone-in-a-matter-of-minutes rain. I was going to walk to the train station, wearing my suit and carrying my bag with my dress shoes neatly tucked inside, but opted to take the bus, instead, due to the heavy rain.
Bad, bad idea. Traffic here in Ichikawa, and maybe everywhere in Tokyo, travels at a crawl. A slow, slow crawl. Naturally, the rain stopped the second that I got on the bus, and, also naturally, I hadn't eaten breakfast and was furious as a result. Not good.
On one of the 500 train transfers required to get anywhere here, I lost my umbrella. And by my umbrella, I mean either the house's or one of my housemate's. Fuck. I also got turned around in the station and had to ask twice for directions. Inconvenient, to say the least.
Long story short, I met my contact, went in for the interview, and all was well and good. I'm hired. I start Tuesday. Hell yes. First good news this week, and it's really good news.
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Two interviews.
So, the good news is that I have scheduled my first real interview for Friday at 11:45, and another interview on November 5. The first position is for a part-time job, with potential for full-time, and the second is regarding full-time employment with one of Japan's biggest English teaching companies, Berlitz. They have a pretty good reputation, although there are some things about them that I am leery of, not least of which is their policy of requiring six days of un-fucking-paid training. Eh, ya gotta do what ya gotta do.
I was going to say that there is also bad news involved, but the reality is that I should be really happy right now, and focusing on the positive, instead of embracing the negative cycle that I've been..."enjoying"...for the last few days. The fact that it took me two days of job hunting, and three applications to get my first interview should be an indication that everything is going to be all right. I'm concerned about the timeframe between now and my first paycheck, but I will deal with that as it comes. I have money for rent for two months, and will just enforce very strict financial discipline between now and then. It's going to be tight, but it's not un-doable. I can also pick up some part-time work, in the meantime, that will at least give me a small income stream, and I also have a couple of other applications out there that may yet produce results quickly. I'm also considering a transition to South Korea, probably temporarily, to work until I can find a job in Japan. If they offer me a position soon enough, it would be hard not to take it and there seems to be a very high level of demand for English teachers in South Korea.
Here's the big problem, and it's stressing me out. A visa application in Japan requires four to five weeks for approval. I basically need to start working nearly full-time almost immediately. On the plus side, though, there seem to be some opportunities for me to make money online doing some various odd jobs...editing and tutoring, for two. it is not really an issue of survival, but fun. Tokyo is not that expensive to live in, although it's not cheap, but travel and entertainment are expensive. So, the less income I have, the more I sit around in my apartment going slowly, but surely, stir crazy.
I'm attaching a picture of the view from my window on the fifth story. The window has a ledge that is quite solid, and I've been sitting at it at night with my feet dangling five stories in the air and letting the cool night breeze washing over me. My first day here, Wednesday, I bought a pack of cigarettes that I finished off tonight. I've been giving them away whenever possible and only having one or two a day, but it is still a relief to have them gone. They are super cheap here...about 300 yen per pack, which about three dollars in US. I won't be buying them again, but it was a nice distraction while it lasted, and it's always nice to have a reminder now and then of why I'm not a smoker.
I talked to Ali and Tom and my sister and Nathan today, and it was really nice to hear so many friendly voices back home. This is still all very unfamiliar, and it's going to take a while before I feel at home here. I'm handling the culture shock pretty well, I think, but it's never easy all the time for any foreigner in a new place.
I was going to say that there is also bad news involved, but the reality is that I should be really happy right now, and focusing on the positive, instead of embracing the negative cycle that I've been..."enjoying"...for the last few days. The fact that it took me two days of job hunting, and three applications to get my first interview should be an indication that everything is going to be all right. I'm concerned about the timeframe between now and my first paycheck, but I will deal with that as it comes. I have money for rent for two months, and will just enforce very strict financial discipline between now and then. It's going to be tight, but it's not un-doable. I can also pick up some part-time work, in the meantime, that will at least give me a small income stream, and I also have a couple of other applications out there that may yet produce results quickly. I'm also considering a transition to South Korea, probably temporarily, to work until I can find a job in Japan. If they offer me a position soon enough, it would be hard not to take it and there seems to be a very high level of demand for English teachers in South Korea.
Here's the big problem, and it's stressing me out. A visa application in Japan requires four to five weeks for approval. I basically need to start working nearly full-time almost immediately. On the plus side, though, there seem to be some opportunities for me to make money online doing some various odd jobs...editing and tutoring, for two. it is not really an issue of survival, but fun. Tokyo is not that expensive to live in, although it's not cheap, but travel and entertainment are expensive. So, the less income I have, the more I sit around in my apartment going slowly, but surely, stir crazy.
I'm attaching a picture of the view from my window on the fifth story. The window has a ledge that is quite solid, and I've been sitting at it at night with my feet dangling five stories in the air and letting the cool night breeze washing over me. My first day here, Wednesday, I bought a pack of cigarettes that I finished off tonight. I've been giving them away whenever possible and only having one or two a day, but it is still a relief to have them gone. They are super cheap here...about 300 yen per pack, which about three dollars in US. I won't be buying them again, but it was a nice distraction while it lasted, and it's always nice to have a reminder now and then of why I'm not a smoker.
I talked to Ali and Tom and my sister and Nathan today, and it was really nice to hear so many friendly voices back home. This is still all very unfamiliar, and it's going to take a while before I feel at home here. I'm handling the culture shock pretty well, I think, but it's never easy all the time for any foreigner in a new place.
Quickie.
Things are slowing down a bit, now, since I'm looking for work and trying not to spend money. Today I mostly hung out around the house, although I did take a quick trip down to the local market to buy some real food. I've been eating a lot of noodles and pre-packaged crap, so it was time to go pick up some vegetables and juice and a staple or two. Groceries here actually aren't that expensive and seafood is insanely cheap, so I'll probably be frequently augmenting my protein supply with it, as well as bribing local stray kitties who think that they are impervious to my charms.
I've been feeling a bit of the malaise over the last couple of days. It was largely due, today, to the fact that my knee has been fucked up and I've been trying to rest it and ice it and compress it and elevate it. It's a pain in the ass, as you'd suspect, but the procedure does seem to be helping. If I can't get it substantially under control in the next few days, though, it'll be time to see a doctor. I did buy travel insurance before I left, so it's not a huge deal, although I don't really want to pay the deductible, either.
I've been getting in touch with some anger over my ex's refusal to offer me any kind of support during this difficult transitional period, but, on the other hand, it's not like it's a big change from her behavior over the last 2 months. I don't know how she went from so warm to so cold...it makes me question my judgment in the whole matter. Maybe she was never all that warm to begin with. Right now it feels like future friendship with her is fairly out of the question, but I suppose that could all change. I shouldn't have to beg my friends to be my friends when I need them...that I know for a fucking fact.
On the other hand, anger is probably exactly what I needed to just cut strings once and for all and really move on with my life, so maybe it's all for the best. Besides, I've been getting a lot of support from my old friends and from new and unexpected quarters, so that has really helped to keep me going and stay focused on the future. More on that later.
Anyway, I guess this wasn't all that quick. I can write for days, these days, when I let open the floodgates. Tomorrow I'll try to provide a description of the area and my apartment for you all.
I've been feeling a bit of the malaise over the last couple of days. It was largely due, today, to the fact that my knee has been fucked up and I've been trying to rest it and ice it and compress it and elevate it. It's a pain in the ass, as you'd suspect, but the procedure does seem to be helping. If I can't get it substantially under control in the next few days, though, it'll be time to see a doctor. I did buy travel insurance before I left, so it's not a huge deal, although I don't really want to pay the deductible, either.
I've been getting in touch with some anger over my ex's refusal to offer me any kind of support during this difficult transitional period, but, on the other hand, it's not like it's a big change from her behavior over the last 2 months. I don't know how she went from so warm to so cold...it makes me question my judgment in the whole matter. Maybe she was never all that warm to begin with. Right now it feels like future friendship with her is fairly out of the question, but I suppose that could all change. I shouldn't have to beg my friends to be my friends when I need them...that I know for a fucking fact.
On the other hand, anger is probably exactly what I needed to just cut strings once and for all and really move on with my life, so maybe it's all for the best. Besides, I've been getting a lot of support from my old friends and from new and unexpected quarters, so that has really helped to keep me going and stay focused on the future. More on that later.
Anyway, I guess this wasn't all that quick. I can write for days, these days, when I let open the floodgates. Tomorrow I'll try to provide a description of the area and my apartment for you all.
Monday, October 20, 2008
Working...not quite yet, no.
Today went pretty well, aside from the horrible hangover. I got a lot done...completely polished up my resume and finished a cover letter and sent out an application to one of the bigger language schools in Japan. They responded almost immediately, requesting a resume and sending a questionnaire. The questionnaire, of course, was 37 pages long, so I spent a lot of time finishing that off, but, by this time tomorrow, I should have a good six or seven applications completed and out in the world.
I also managed to talk to my parents and my friend Karen. Sweet.
I have to edit a bunch of the most retarded webpages you've ever seen your life, so I should get to that. Maybe I'll throw in another post later, if I have the motivation.
This blog is now set to private, so if you are reading it, congratulations...you are cool.
I also managed to talk to my parents and my friend Karen. Sweet.
I have to edit a bunch of the most retarded webpages you've ever seen your life, so I should get to that. Maybe I'll throw in another post later, if I have the motivation.
This blog is now set to private, so if you are reading it, congratulations...you are cool.
Privacy.
This blog is for me and mine, and I'm setting it to private in the next day or two. Invites will be sent out to the email addresses of my friends and loved ones at the exact instant that it goes private. I have no preconditions for who may see this blog, so please feel free to send me an email if I forget or neglect to include you in the initial list of invitees. If you want to be part of my life, you are invited.
You will need a Google (ie. Gmail address) account to view the blog on an indefinite basis...I'll be happy to set one up for those who need help. I'll leave this post up for a day or two until I set the blog to private, so feel free to leave me questions or comments, either here or at my email address.
I am a very lucky man. My support network here and at home is very deep and very wide. You know who you are, and you have my deepest gratitude and love. I am open and warm and loving, and you are my reward. Thank you so much for your kind words and thoughts. I want you to have this window into my mind and my experiences. I want to share them with you without restraint.
It is cool and rainy here tonight. Fall comes late to Tokyo, but, if I close my eyes, it sounds and feels like home.
You will need a Google (ie. Gmail address) account to view the blog on an indefinite basis...I'll be happy to set one up for those who need help. I'll leave this post up for a day or two until I set the blog to private, so feel free to leave me questions or comments, either here or at my email address.
I am a very lucky man. My support network here and at home is very deep and very wide. You know who you are, and you have my deepest gratitude and love. I am open and warm and loving, and you are my reward. Thank you so much for your kind words and thoughts. I want you to have this window into my mind and my experiences. I want to share them with you without restraint.
It is cool and rainy here tonight. Fall comes late to Tokyo, but, if I close my eyes, it sounds and feels like home.
Saturday, October 18, 2008
The sorrow.
I wrote this earlier today...fuck it, I'm publishing it. It's my life, it's my blog, and I have the right to be selfish. I've paid for that right a thousand times with my own tears, and no one...no one...has the right to complain until they've tried walking a single step in my shoes over the past month and a half.
Furthermore, this is very likely to be my last blog post for a while. Following this last moment of catharsis, I don't think that I want to share my life with the world any more, outside of my close circle of family and friends. The world is cruel, sometimes. I'm going to write for myself and myself alone. Those who want to be a part of my life are invited to share it with me. I'm deleting my facebook profile as well, to isolate myself from the party pictures and the flip status updates and the new friends and the place where she left our love behind. It's too painful, and I can see too much through friends of friends and through my self-destructively over-competent nerd skills.
Over the last year, I slowly allowed myself to fall in love with a young woman who came to Portland from the east coast, and who shall remain nameless. She planned to go to graduate school away from Portland and I planned to come here, to Japan, so we knew that our relationship, if it progressed, was, at best, going to be difficult and, at worst, doomed. In the early stages, it was an ever present shadow, but we enjoyed each other's company and so things moved forward, regardless. I fell in love with her first, and told her so, gently. The feeling had been building for weeks, and I couldn't keep it inside any more. Love must be shared. I waited patiently over the course of more weeks for her to reciprocate. I didn't push the issue, or jealously demand her love. Eventually, one beautiful morning in her room, she told me that she loved me too.
This is hard. This is really, really hard. Gotta keep going...I need to get this out of my head.
And so we loved each other, and it was very good. I gave her my heart. I cooked for her, I cleaned for her, I picked her up from work when I could, and I was there for her whenever and wherever she needed help. I was content. I recall one rainy evening when I picked her up on the side of the road. She had called me, on her cell phone, for help. Her bike had a flat tire. I came and got her, and I felt such great joy that I could be with her and that I could be there for her...just one small memory out of the many times that I offered her my love and encouragement and support.
I was in school throughout the course of our relationship, taking a heavy classload, but my time with her was precious and so I sacrificed as much as I could to be with her and still accomplish my goals. I did. I did both. I graduated with excellent grades, with honors, and yet I still enjoyed my life as much as possible, together with her and with my friend, B., and my cat, Ashes.
And eventually I graduated. Our time together, now becoming short, grew sadder and sadder, but it was still mostly happy and good. We loved each other and, as the time of her departure grew nearer, we gradually made greater and more extravagant claims of love. We did not want our time in Portland to end. But, after a wonderful, terrible, bittersweet week of living together, in my apartment, come to an end it did.
It was excruciating. I cried and cried, much like I am now, but there was nothing to be done. I called her every day, and we spoke on the phone at length. We talked about our plans for the future after my trip, living and loving together in San Diego, where she was going to grad school. I was looking for work in Japan, and expected to find something directly, but the jobs that I'd applied for never materialized. For the first time in my life, since I'd started school, and giving a shit, it was difficult to achieve my goal. It felt like failure, although I know that, thanks to my own perfectionism, I was being unduly hard on myself.
I told her, one hot day in August, that I wanted to just come to her college town to be with her, instead of moving to Japan. That was the beginning of the end. On the phone, she went icicle cold and berated me for my decision. Rather than joyful, she was clearly upset and very nearly on the verge of outright anger. The fact that she was right didn't lessen the sting of rejection.
It wasn't the first time that she had reacted in that way. In April, my roommate told me that he needed to move out, and her roommate told us that it would be OK if I moved in. I told her that we would need to discuss it carefully before we made any decisions, trying to take things slow, but, again, she went as cold as the Arctic tundra, and told me that she needed some time and space. I barely heard from her for about 4 days, before the thaw came and we were together again.
It should have been clear, then, that she had some very serious commitment issues regarding our relationship, and I should have broken it off right then, long before we got to the point, later that summer, where we were mutually declaring the depths of our great love from 2800 miles away.
I am a fool.
So, her sister stepped in and calmed the situation down before it melted down into the inevitable explosion. After all, we still loved each other. I could just go to Japan, as planned, and we would just see what would happen. No need for any dramatic action.
Rather than look for work in Japan from the United States, I decided to just take off. I had money, and I slowly stashed away the important things and got rid of the things that had tied me down for years in the States. I eventually left my dear Ashes with my parents, at the cost of such great pain that it is better if I don't think about it. The plan was to look for work here and we'd just see what would happen.
As she left with her parents for graduate school, I immediately noticed another great chilling, more coldness. Where before we had talked for an hour a day, every day...now, on the eve of September...nothing. No calls from her, barely returned text messages. I still don't know exactly what happened. She never really told me. Our ability to effectively communicate somehow died on that trip, and I have to learn to accept that I'll never understand what happened.
I broke up with her on the night before she arrived at graduate school and while I was moving out of my apartment, a horrific undertaking even without the onus of a breakup. I shouldn't have had to do it, but she wasn't strong enough to hurt me. I think maybe she hoped that things would just peter out over the course of time, but I don't really know. I probably never will. Maybe I jumped the gun and if I had just let it ride, things would have worked out much differently. Again...I'll never know.
We talked, we expressed our need to remain friends and to remain in contact. She told me that she wanted to be in my life, to be part of it. She told me this repeatedly over the weeks, but again...I felt the coldness, the detachment. Two weeks went by without contact, after what I felt was a particularly thoughtless conversation, and then she called out of the blue, and we talked, and we reaffirmed our love and our desire to be friends. Again. And I felt better. Again.
When I left for Japan, she was the last person I talked to in Portland. We declared our love, and our desire to be friends. Yadda yadda yadda...so meaningless, now. I had sent her a package with a note expressing myself. Same song and dance. My love for her. My desire to be friends, to stay in contact. I wrote it on a piece of paper that she had sent to me with her birthday present, a t-shirt that she'd bought for me, and a souvenir pen. Considering the number of hours and the amount of thought that I'd put into her present a few months earlier, I suppose I should have been insulted. I wasn't. The note was what really mattered...it's sitting next to me, but I will be putting it away shortly. Maybe I'll just destroy it. It contains, again, more declarations of love and friendship and desire to stay in touch. God, it's all so fucking hollow now.
After I'd been here for about a week, I sent her an email asking her for an update and explaining that I really needed to know how she was doing and what she was doing. I'd been feeling isolated here and I really needed to hear from her. I needed to know that she cared. She took over 2 days to take 5 fucking minutes to bother to respond to my really heartfelt plea, and her response broke my heart...again.
She told me that it was really over and that she needed time to put herself back together and that she wanted limited communication between us. She ended the note with "Best," and then signed her name, as if I were a business acquaintance or an old college buddy.
I have to respect her wishes, even though my only desire in this world is to hold her and to whisper in her ear one more time. I have chased and chased and chased and given and given and given. I've offered her my soul on a platter...I can't chase her or give her any more.
It's over now. It's over and I need to move on. My unanswered questions will remain unanswered, and our friendship will become a friendship in name only, not in either words or actions. As of this moment, I fully expect that we will become just another pair of estranged ex-lovers, and that is the very saddest part of this story.
It's her, though. It's her choice. I've done nothing to deliberately hurt her...I've done nothing wrong. She wants me out of her life, at least in any meaningful sort of way. How can I argue? Why should I try to convince her otherwise? I can't. I won't. Not any more. It is useless.
I will stop giving myself to people in this way. In the future, I will wait. I will set my standards higher, and I will choose as carefully as possible, and I will bail out of any relationship at the very earliest sign of any great flaw or misdeed or emotional detachment. Those 3 fatal words, "I love you," have been my downfall for too, too long. My soul is shredded and scarred every time I go through this, and this is the worst yet...I can't do it any more. I had dreams of children and marriage and a love that would last me the rest of my days with this woman. And now I have nothing. The taste is bitter, so bitter.
My self-declared and mutually affirmed Great Love has died. It is taking more than a little of me with it. I will not be a fool any more, but the wisdom I now possess has a very nasty cost.
Goodbye, my love. I hope you have what you need. Tomorrow is another day for both of us. We face it without each other. Goodbye.
Furthermore, this is very likely to be my last blog post for a while. Following this last moment of catharsis, I don't think that I want to share my life with the world any more, outside of my close circle of family and friends. The world is cruel, sometimes. I'm going to write for myself and myself alone. Those who want to be a part of my life are invited to share it with me. I'm deleting my facebook profile as well, to isolate myself from the party pictures and the flip status updates and the new friends and the place where she left our love behind. It's too painful, and I can see too much through friends of friends and through my self-destructively over-competent nerd skills.
Over the last year, I slowly allowed myself to fall in love with a young woman who came to Portland from the east coast, and who shall remain nameless. She planned to go to graduate school away from Portland and I planned to come here, to Japan, so we knew that our relationship, if it progressed, was, at best, going to be difficult and, at worst, doomed. In the early stages, it was an ever present shadow, but we enjoyed each other's company and so things moved forward, regardless. I fell in love with her first, and told her so, gently. The feeling had been building for weeks, and I couldn't keep it inside any more. Love must be shared. I waited patiently over the course of more weeks for her to reciprocate. I didn't push the issue, or jealously demand her love. Eventually, one beautiful morning in her room, she told me that she loved me too.
This is hard. This is really, really hard. Gotta keep going...I need to get this out of my head.
And so we loved each other, and it was very good. I gave her my heart. I cooked for her, I cleaned for her, I picked her up from work when I could, and I was there for her whenever and wherever she needed help. I was content. I recall one rainy evening when I picked her up on the side of the road. She had called me, on her cell phone, for help. Her bike had a flat tire. I came and got her, and I felt such great joy that I could be with her and that I could be there for her...just one small memory out of the many times that I offered her my love and encouragement and support.
I was in school throughout the course of our relationship, taking a heavy classload, but my time with her was precious and so I sacrificed as much as I could to be with her and still accomplish my goals. I did. I did both. I graduated with excellent grades, with honors, and yet I still enjoyed my life as much as possible, together with her and with my friend, B., and my cat, Ashes.
And eventually I graduated. Our time together, now becoming short, grew sadder and sadder, but it was still mostly happy and good. We loved each other and, as the time of her departure grew nearer, we gradually made greater and more extravagant claims of love. We did not want our time in Portland to end. But, after a wonderful, terrible, bittersweet week of living together, in my apartment, come to an end it did.
It was excruciating. I cried and cried, much like I am now, but there was nothing to be done. I called her every day, and we spoke on the phone at length. We talked about our plans for the future after my trip, living and loving together in San Diego, where she was going to grad school. I was looking for work in Japan, and expected to find something directly, but the jobs that I'd applied for never materialized. For the first time in my life, since I'd started school, and giving a shit, it was difficult to achieve my goal. It felt like failure, although I know that, thanks to my own perfectionism, I was being unduly hard on myself.
I told her, one hot day in August, that I wanted to just come to her college town to be with her, instead of moving to Japan. That was the beginning of the end. On the phone, she went icicle cold and berated me for my decision. Rather than joyful, she was clearly upset and very nearly on the verge of outright anger. The fact that she was right didn't lessen the sting of rejection.
It wasn't the first time that she had reacted in that way. In April, my roommate told me that he needed to move out, and her roommate told us that it would be OK if I moved in. I told her that we would need to discuss it carefully before we made any decisions, trying to take things slow, but, again, she went as cold as the Arctic tundra, and told me that she needed some time and space. I barely heard from her for about 4 days, before the thaw came and we were together again.
It should have been clear, then, that she had some very serious commitment issues regarding our relationship, and I should have broken it off right then, long before we got to the point, later that summer, where we were mutually declaring the depths of our great love from 2800 miles away.
I am a fool.
So, her sister stepped in and calmed the situation down before it melted down into the inevitable explosion. After all, we still loved each other. I could just go to Japan, as planned, and we would just see what would happen. No need for any dramatic action.
Rather than look for work in Japan from the United States, I decided to just take off. I had money, and I slowly stashed away the important things and got rid of the things that had tied me down for years in the States. I eventually left my dear Ashes with my parents, at the cost of such great pain that it is better if I don't think about it. The plan was to look for work here and we'd just see what would happen.
As she left with her parents for graduate school, I immediately noticed another great chilling, more coldness. Where before we had talked for an hour a day, every day...now, on the eve of September...nothing. No calls from her, barely returned text messages. I still don't know exactly what happened. She never really told me. Our ability to effectively communicate somehow died on that trip, and I have to learn to accept that I'll never understand what happened.
I broke up with her on the night before she arrived at graduate school and while I was moving out of my apartment, a horrific undertaking even without the onus of a breakup. I shouldn't have had to do it, but she wasn't strong enough to hurt me. I think maybe she hoped that things would just peter out over the course of time, but I don't really know. I probably never will. Maybe I jumped the gun and if I had just let it ride, things would have worked out much differently. Again...I'll never know.
We talked, we expressed our need to remain friends and to remain in contact. She told me that she wanted to be in my life, to be part of it. She told me this repeatedly over the weeks, but again...I felt the coldness, the detachment. Two weeks went by without contact, after what I felt was a particularly thoughtless conversation, and then she called out of the blue, and we talked, and we reaffirmed our love and our desire to be friends. Again. And I felt better. Again.
When I left for Japan, she was the last person I talked to in Portland. We declared our love, and our desire to be friends. Yadda yadda yadda...so meaningless, now. I had sent her a package with a note expressing myself. Same song and dance. My love for her. My desire to be friends, to stay in contact. I wrote it on a piece of paper that she had sent to me with her birthday present, a t-shirt that she'd bought for me, and a souvenir pen. Considering the number of hours and the amount of thought that I'd put into her present a few months earlier, I suppose I should have been insulted. I wasn't. The note was what really mattered...it's sitting next to me, but I will be putting it away shortly. Maybe I'll just destroy it. It contains, again, more declarations of love and friendship and desire to stay in touch. God, it's all so fucking hollow now.
After I'd been here for about a week, I sent her an email asking her for an update and explaining that I really needed to know how she was doing and what she was doing. I'd been feeling isolated here and I really needed to hear from her. I needed to know that she cared. She took over 2 days to take 5 fucking minutes to bother to respond to my really heartfelt plea, and her response broke my heart...again.
She told me that it was really over and that she needed time to put herself back together and that she wanted limited communication between us. She ended the note with "Best," and then signed her name, as if I were a business acquaintance or an old college buddy.
I have to respect her wishes, even though my only desire in this world is to hold her and to whisper in her ear one more time. I have chased and chased and chased and given and given and given. I've offered her my soul on a platter...I can't chase her or give her any more.
It's over now. It's over and I need to move on. My unanswered questions will remain unanswered, and our friendship will become a friendship in name only, not in either words or actions. As of this moment, I fully expect that we will become just another pair of estranged ex-lovers, and that is the very saddest part of this story.
It's her, though. It's her choice. I've done nothing to deliberately hurt her...I've done nothing wrong. She wants me out of her life, at least in any meaningful sort of way. How can I argue? Why should I try to convince her otherwise? I can't. I won't. Not any more. It is useless.
I will stop giving myself to people in this way. In the future, I will wait. I will set my standards higher, and I will choose as carefully as possible, and I will bail out of any relationship at the very earliest sign of any great flaw or misdeed or emotional detachment. Those 3 fatal words, "I love you," have been my downfall for too, too long. My soul is shredded and scarred every time I go through this, and this is the worst yet...I can't do it any more. I had dreams of children and marriage and a love that would last me the rest of my days with this woman. And now I have nothing. The taste is bitter, so bitter.
My self-declared and mutually affirmed Great Love has died. It is taking more than a little of me with it. I will not be a fool any more, but the wisdom I now possess has a very nasty cost.
Goodbye, my love. I hope you have what you need. Tomorrow is another day for both of us. We face it without each other. Goodbye.
Friday, October 17, 2008
Today was lame. So lame.
So, I woke up and finished off my resume and cover letter, shaved, ironed my suit, ate a quick breakfast, snapped a couple of photos for recruiters with my snazzy shave and necktie, and drank my MacGuyver-brewed coffee. No problem, although I need a new french press the very second that I have disposable income, because my non-french pressed coffee is fucking weak-sauce.
Then, I ran out the door at about 11 to: 1) change some dollars to yen, and 2) get on to my interview. Sadly, I was wearing the nice leather shoes that I bought with my suit. 15 minutes of walking later, of course, I had my first blister. Shocking. Luckily, I'd anticipated such a happening, and brought tennis shoes to change into. No problem.
So THEN, I went into the bank and tried to get some dollars changed to yen. Holy language barrier, Batman. Keep in mind that my interview is at 1:30, and it is now 11:30. I need an hour, and some padding in case I get lost, to get to my interview. After about 20 minutes of wrangling and waiting, I get to the person I need to see, who hands me a sheet of paper that requires my name, address, and phone number. Of course, being thoroughly prepared, I had 1 out of the 3...the least important one. Fuck.
So, defeated by the stupid bank bureaucracy, I ran back home to grab the necessary info. On the way, I realized that there was no way that I'd make it back to the bank in time, since they close at 3 o'clock. That's right. 3:00 pm. They all do, here. So, I go home and get new directions to the interview, which was conveniently located all the way across Tokyo, from the station nearest to my house. Getting there involved a few minor snafus, but nothing too out of hand. I made it on time. Barely on time. No problem.
At the interview, they seem really impressed, but they don't really have any positions open for me right now. Fine. THEN, while talking to the recruiter, it's revealed that, in fact, there are 7 positions open in Nagoya, Japan's 3rd largest city. THEN, the recruiter tells me that it's probably a good idea to work for Japan's language schools for a while, because the private schools will probably want teaching experience (never mind my 4 years of tutoring experience. OK, fine. I just wasted 3 hours getting there and interviewing, but maybe something will come up. Maaaayyyyybe somebody will be really desperate. In the next two weeks. Yeah. I'm going to email these (expletive deleted) on Monday, at the latest, and inform them that they have a 3 week window to find me a job, during which I will very likely either be signing a 1 year contract with a language school, or headed home to Portland, where I will undoubtedly be too poor and far too furious to return in April, their prime recruiting time. I might leave out the furious part.
So, then. The trip home. Holy god. Wrong train after wrong train. Back and forth to the same platform...2 times. Getting off to verify my route, and then getting right back on the next train...after, of course, a 10-15 minute wait. Remember that part where I had no yen, thanks to Mr. Uptight Japanese Banking System? Yeah, so I'm also starving and dying of thirst. Let me just say that when I got home...I pretty much hated the world.
Got home, changed outta the suit, and headed out the door in search of 7-11, apparently the only financial institution in this banking hell that can be bothered to operate an international ATM. 5 kilometers later...note that I forgot to eat and/or drink before I left...I find the 7-11 and get my cash, a hot Japanese entree, a small bottle of iced coffee, and a small bottle of whiskey.
Had I not acquired all of those things, my sanity would be currently in serious jeopardy. As it is, I am pretty all right. I slammed my coffee and ate my humble dinner on the bank of the Edogawa (Edo river...some might call it the Edogawa River, but that would translate to the Edo River River), and took a couple of nice, big nips off the bottle before walking back. It was a fairly pleasant way to end a long, horrible day. I walked the 5k back and ran into a nice Wayo student, not one of mine, feeding a few of the many stray cats that live along the Edogawa. We chatted for a few minutes, in broken English and broken Japanese, and that was nice, too, after a long day of feeling pretty isolated here in non-gigantic-white-guy land.
Sooooo. Anyhoo. That was my day, and this post is officially a small autobiography. Go me.
One last thing: an old lady on one of the train platforms walked by me, in my suit and my sunglasses and tennis shoes, and exclaimed, "okii da yo!" which means "he's big!" in Japanese. It made me smile. Japanese old people are awesome.
Then, I ran out the door at about 11 to: 1) change some dollars to yen, and 2) get on to my interview. Sadly, I was wearing the nice leather shoes that I bought with my suit. 15 minutes of walking later, of course, I had my first blister. Shocking. Luckily, I'd anticipated such a happening, and brought tennis shoes to change into. No problem.
So THEN, I went into the bank and tried to get some dollars changed to yen. Holy language barrier, Batman. Keep in mind that my interview is at 1:30, and it is now 11:30. I need an hour, and some padding in case I get lost, to get to my interview. After about 20 minutes of wrangling and waiting, I get to the person I need to see, who hands me a sheet of paper that requires my name, address, and phone number. Of course, being thoroughly prepared, I had 1 out of the 3...the least important one. Fuck.
So, defeated by the stupid bank bureaucracy, I ran back home to grab the necessary info. On the way, I realized that there was no way that I'd make it back to the bank in time, since they close at 3 o'clock. That's right. 3:00 pm. They all do, here. So, I go home and get new directions to the interview, which was conveniently located all the way across Tokyo, from the station nearest to my house. Getting there involved a few minor snafus, but nothing too out of hand. I made it on time. Barely on time. No problem.
At the interview, they seem really impressed, but they don't really have any positions open for me right now. Fine. THEN, while talking to the recruiter, it's revealed that, in fact, there are 7 positions open in Nagoya, Japan's 3rd largest city. THEN, the recruiter tells me that it's probably a good idea to work for Japan's language schools for a while, because the private schools will probably want teaching experience (never mind my 4 years of tutoring experience. OK, fine. I just wasted 3 hours getting there and interviewing, but maybe something will come up. Maaaayyyyybe somebody will be really desperate. In the next two weeks. Yeah. I'm going to email these (expletive deleted) on Monday, at the latest, and inform them that they have a 3 week window to find me a job, during which I will very likely either be signing a 1 year contract with a language school, or headed home to Portland, where I will undoubtedly be too poor and far too furious to return in April, their prime recruiting time. I might leave out the furious part.
So, then. The trip home. Holy god. Wrong train after wrong train. Back and forth to the same platform...2 times. Getting off to verify my route, and then getting right back on the next train...after, of course, a 10-15 minute wait. Remember that part where I had no yen, thanks to Mr. Uptight Japanese Banking System? Yeah, so I'm also starving and dying of thirst. Let me just say that when I got home...I pretty much hated the world.
Got home, changed outta the suit, and headed out the door in search of 7-11, apparently the only financial institution in this banking hell that can be bothered to operate an international ATM. 5 kilometers later...note that I forgot to eat and/or drink before I left...I find the 7-11 and get my cash, a hot Japanese entree, a small bottle of iced coffee, and a small bottle of whiskey.
Had I not acquired all of those things, my sanity would be currently in serious jeopardy. As it is, I am pretty all right. I slammed my coffee and ate my humble dinner on the bank of the Edogawa (Edo river...some might call it the Edogawa River, but that would translate to the Edo River River), and took a couple of nice, big nips off the bottle before walking back. It was a fairly pleasant way to end a long, horrible day. I walked the 5k back and ran into a nice Wayo student, not one of mine, feeding a few of the many stray cats that live along the Edogawa. We chatted for a few minutes, in broken English and broken Japanese, and that was nice, too, after a long day of feeling pretty isolated here in non-gigantic-white-guy land.
Sooooo. Anyhoo. That was my day, and this post is officially a small autobiography. Go me.
One last thing: an old lady on one of the train platforms walked by me, in my suit and my sunglasses and tennis shoes, and exclaimed, "okii da yo!" which means "he's big!" in Japanese. It made me smile. Japanese old people are awesome.
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Rough spot.
Today was my first whole day in my new apartment and, rather than elated, I've felt a pretty potent general malaise. I'm feeling the pressure, now, to get a job rather acutely, and I'm having some doubts about the living situation. It's not, precisely, that the inmates are unfriendly, but there is a general lack of camaraderie that is a bit surprising given the fact that we are all members of the extreme minorities. On Tuesday, for example, I trekked all the way across Tokyo, through incredibly densely populated areas, and did not see, to my knowledge, a single non-Japanese person. That kind of monoculture is unheard of in cities like New York or LA, but it is common in the wards of Tokyo. You would think that we minorities would bond a little harder, under the circumstances. There's also a lot of institutionalized racism here that I'll probably discuss in a later post. Most Japanese, of course, are at least polite and even friendly, but I would be unable to rent an apartment, in the most common example of institutional racism.
So, tomorrow I go to my interview at 1:30 and I am lacking both cash and shaving cream...might have to rough it with plain old soap, although I hate to do that. I need to convert dollars to yen tomorrow, either way, but I wish I had done that before I ran out. On the other hand, I can't spend yen if I don't have them in hand and that's not a bad thing, either.
So, yeah. Anyway. Kind of a down day, but that is to be expected on occasion. The only thing to do is pick myself back up and get back to it.
*edit* OK, one of my roommates is pretty damn friendly. The others, maybe not so much, but I'll give it some time before making any full judjments...
So, tomorrow I go to my interview at 1:30 and I am lacking both cash and shaving cream...might have to rough it with plain old soap, although I hate to do that. I need to convert dollars to yen tomorrow, either way, but I wish I had done that before I ran out. On the other hand, I can't spend yen if I don't have them in hand and that's not a bad thing, either.
So, yeah. Anyway. Kind of a down day, but that is to be expected on occasion. The only thing to do is pick myself back up and get back to it.
*edit* OK, one of my roommates is pretty damn friendly. The others, maybe not so much, but I'll give it some time before making any full judjments...
Quick one.
I'm looking for work today, which really isn't that exciting, so I'll just include some quick shots of my room. Most of my stuff is put away, now. Minimalism is nice...click on the photos for a larger shot.
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
In the new apartment.
Well, I'm here in the new place. It's actually a lot nicer than I was expecting, although I'd hesitate to call it glamorous by any stretch of the imagination. There are 6 rooms and 2 shared bathrooms, common area, and kitchen. The rent is about 620 a month at the current exchange rate, which is a lot more than I was thinking...nothing to do about it now, though, except to get working as soon as possible.
This is what is known as a gaijin house, which means that it is occupied by foreigners on both a long-term and short-term basis until they find other housing or move out of Japan. It's cheaper than a hostel, by a lot, but is effectively much the same thing, except without the constant supervision of staff members. So, cleanliness is a bit less than the ideal, but it's not a shithole either. At the moment, I'm pretty happy with it and I look forward to meeting my roommates.
As I was leaving today, after paying the rent and deposit, I saw this stunning cloud formation from my porch. I'm not really into the whole omen thing, but I'll take any good news that I can get.
Final note: the internet connection here is fast. Unholy fast. Burn your face off fast. I've never-seen-anything-fucking-like-it fast. I'm going to be filling up a hard drive or two, and my loyal followers can finally look forward to me shutting the hell up about my stupid weak-sauce internet connections...
This is what is known as a gaijin house, which means that it is occupied by foreigners on both a long-term and short-term basis until they find other housing or move out of Japan. It's cheaper than a hostel, by a lot, but is effectively much the same thing, except without the constant supervision of staff members. So, cleanliness is a bit less than the ideal, but it's not a shithole either. At the moment, I'm pretty happy with it and I look forward to meeting my roommates.
As I was leaving today, after paying the rent and deposit, I saw this stunning cloud formation from my porch. I'm not really into the whole omen thing, but I'll take any good news that I can get.
Final note: the internet connection here is fast. Unholy fast. Burn your face off fast. I've never-seen-anything-fucking-like-it fast. I'm going to be filling up a hard drive or two, and my loyal followers can finally look forward to me shutting the hell up about my stupid weak-sauce internet connections...
Dreams and waking.
If you've been following this blog, then you know I've been having severe jet lag since I got here, but today I made it to 7:00...a new record. I spent last night at Rebecca and Yasunori's place, and it is nice and dark in the room that they put me up in. So, I woke up at 5:30, per usual, but managed to make it back sleep fairly easily.
Of course, getting to sleep through that difficult window from 5:30 to 7 just means that I get to enjoy more of the weird, vivid dreams that were haunting me in Portland. I use the word "enjoy" loosely, but "weird" and "vivid" may be understatements. I could describe them, but, frankly, they're a little too personal for a public blog of this nature.
Today I get into my new digs...probably post an update on them later.
Of course, getting to sleep through that difficult window from 5:30 to 7 just means that I get to enjoy more of the weird, vivid dreams that were haunting me in Portland. I use the word "enjoy" loosely, but "weird" and "vivid" may be understatements. I could describe them, but, frankly, they're a little too personal for a public blog of this nature.
Today I get into my new digs...probably post an update on them later.
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
The Stench of Fear
People have asked me the same question for months: Aren't you afraid? And the answer has been, almost universally, no. I'm not afraid of this trip. I'm not afraid of being here, finding work, making friends, or being lodged in a country where I have a limited command of the language and culture. My fears here are the same, in fact, as they are at home, if and when I choose to allow myself to dwell on them. I fear failure, in a general sense. I fear my own weaknesses. I fear that I won't be healthy mentally.
Those fears, however, are offset by my knowledge that I am strong, that I rarely fail, and that my willingness to feel and my willingness to acknowledge my feelings to myself and others is healthy. My biggest fear and saddest failure has already occurred and that situation is and was largely out of my control, so I've already experienced one of the worst things, relatively speaking, of course, that could have happened to me, whether I'm here or anywhere else.
So, the answer is no. I'm not afraid. I refuse to be. Life should be embraced, never denied for the sake of fear. Fear is a choice, and I choose another path. This is as good of a place to rebuild my life and myself as anywhere, and probably better in many ways than most. And, in 2 years...grad school.
In more practical news, I'm leaving my current couchsurfing host for my friend Rebecca's apartment today. Tomorrow I move into my new place, although the exact time is still yet to be determined. I'm going to stash my luggage in a train station locker so that I can move around a little more freely. I'm really excited to get my own space and some privacy and begin actually settling into my new life here. This place will not be home for a while (or maybe ever, for that matter), but it'll be one step closer tomorrow. I am glad. The search for work also begins in earnest in the morning on Thursday, sooner if I can find an internet connection that doesn't drive me utterly insane.
Final thought: all of this blogging has me seriously considering what it would look like to write a book. I've always been intrigued by the idea of writing, but this period in my life has me motivated in a way that I've never been before. I have to restrain myself from writing more for this blog, because I want it to be a convenient way for my friends and family to catch up on me...but I could easily write way, way more than I am right now. Hmm.
Those fears, however, are offset by my knowledge that I am strong, that I rarely fail, and that my willingness to feel and my willingness to acknowledge my feelings to myself and others is healthy. My biggest fear and saddest failure has already occurred and that situation is and was largely out of my control, so I've already experienced one of the worst things, relatively speaking, of course, that could have happened to me, whether I'm here or anywhere else.
So, the answer is no. I'm not afraid. I refuse to be. Life should be embraced, never denied for the sake of fear. Fear is a choice, and I choose another path. This is as good of a place to rebuild my life and myself as anywhere, and probably better in many ways than most. And, in 2 years...grad school.
In more practical news, I'm leaving my current couchsurfing host for my friend Rebecca's apartment today. Tomorrow I move into my new place, although the exact time is still yet to be determined. I'm going to stash my luggage in a train station locker so that I can move around a little more freely. I'm really excited to get my own space and some privacy and begin actually settling into my new life here. This place will not be home for a while (or maybe ever, for that matter), but it'll be one step closer tomorrow. I am glad. The search for work also begins in earnest in the morning on Thursday, sooner if I can find an internet connection that doesn't drive me utterly insane.
Final thought: all of this blogging has me seriously considering what it would look like to write a book. I've always been intrigued by the idea of writing, but this period in my life has me motivated in a way that I've never been before. I have to restrain myself from writing more for this blog, because I want it to be a convenient way for my friends and family to catch up on me...but I could easily write way, way more than I am right now. Hmm.
Monday, October 13, 2008
Some frustration.
I simply cannot...cannot...find a decent fucking free wireless internet connection in this town. I had no idea that the largest city in one of the most technologically advanced countries in the world would stingily dole out wi-fi like it is composed of goddamn golden sky nuggets. Frustrating...very frustrating. I know that the whole city is covered with 3G, but I have neither an adapter nor a service provider nor the money to acquire either. So, looks like I'm just going to be angry about internet connectivity for at least a few more days.
While I'm bitching, I should also point out that coffee here is outrageously expensive. While I have had some really good coffee for $5 for a tiny cup, a lot of it is undeniably crappy. Also, the two guys I've been staying with aren't coffee drinkers, so I can't even make the delicious Stumptown that Briana sent with me. Today, I've simply broken down and spent stupid amounts of money on coffee. I won't be able to do it much in the future, but I've allotted for a certain amount of splurging for my first week here. I am, after all, on something of a vacation. I'm not here to be a fucking monk, and I think anyone who knows me knows that being a monk is a virtual impossibility for me under any circumstance. Self denial? Not my strong point. Not so much. Life is too short.
Good beer is also something of a commodity, although I did find some decent stuff in a store on my first night. So, it's not impossible to find, just not that widely available. Rather than drink crappy beer, however, there's a super light, relatively cheap alcoholic beverage similar to American malt beverages, but lighter, not sweet, and without the shit-tastic aftertaste.
I've been thinking about Maria a lot today. It was easy, the first few days, to just enjoy myself and let go of everything, but, ultimately, you can't change who you fundamentally are just because you're in a new place. It doesn't work that way, although it can be tempting to try to reinvent yourself and I will probably allow a certain amount of that reinvention to occur. Some of it will simply occur by necessity...the fact of the matter is that the Japanese are very, very culturally different from the people in the environment that I am used to, and my normal behavior verges on the bizarre for native Japanese. While very friendly with friends and family, the typical Japanese person simply does not randomly engage strangers in public (at least not outside of a bar or other socially permissible venue). That's not to say that they won't freely offer help or that they are completely unapproachable, but it is a much more withdrawn and isolated culture than that of, for example, Portland. You simply don't walk around saying hi to strangers or smiling at people you don't know, although I have found some rare exceptions. Pets seem to offer an instant exception to the norm, because they are under no obligation to obey the cultural preferences of their owners, who seem happy enough to accept the deviations. Children can offer small windows of opportunity, although their parents usually apologize profusely for behavior that I find only adorable, not rude in the least. Any perceived committed rudeness will generally result in profuse apologies, which is really often the only contact that I'll have with strangers.
In any case, I expect that my public persona will become colder for the duration of my stay, and that's fine. I don't expect to emerge from this situation unchanged, and that would kind of negate the whole point of this trip, to a certain degree, if I did. I'm not particularly worried about being isolated, because I'll be living about a 5 minute walk from Wayo and I have both old and new friends here already. Working should also greatly increase my pool of contacts and friends and there's always the internet if I'm feeling really desperate for human contact. I do badly want to get a solid internet connection as soon as possible so I can just make some phone calls back home. I would like to actually talk to my peoples.
I guess that brings us full circle. Time to stop, then.
While I'm bitching, I should also point out that coffee here is outrageously expensive. While I have had some really good coffee for $5 for a tiny cup, a lot of it is undeniably crappy. Also, the two guys I've been staying with aren't coffee drinkers, so I can't even make the delicious Stumptown that Briana sent with me. Today, I've simply broken down and spent stupid amounts of money on coffee. I won't be able to do it much in the future, but I've allotted for a certain amount of splurging for my first week here. I am, after all, on something of a vacation. I'm not here to be a fucking monk, and I think anyone who knows me knows that being a monk is a virtual impossibility for me under any circumstance. Self denial? Not my strong point. Not so much. Life is too short.
Good beer is also something of a commodity, although I did find some decent stuff in a store on my first night. So, it's not impossible to find, just not that widely available. Rather than drink crappy beer, however, there's a super light, relatively cheap alcoholic beverage similar to American malt beverages, but lighter, not sweet, and without the shit-tastic aftertaste.
I've been thinking about Maria a lot today. It was easy, the first few days, to just enjoy myself and let go of everything, but, ultimately, you can't change who you fundamentally are just because you're in a new place. It doesn't work that way, although it can be tempting to try to reinvent yourself and I will probably allow a certain amount of that reinvention to occur. Some of it will simply occur by necessity...the fact of the matter is that the Japanese are very, very culturally different from the people in the environment that I am used to, and my normal behavior verges on the bizarre for native Japanese. While very friendly with friends and family, the typical Japanese person simply does not randomly engage strangers in public (at least not outside of a bar or other socially permissible venue). That's not to say that they won't freely offer help or that they are completely unapproachable, but it is a much more withdrawn and isolated culture than that of, for example, Portland. You simply don't walk around saying hi to strangers or smiling at people you don't know, although I have found some rare exceptions. Pets seem to offer an instant exception to the norm, because they are under no obligation to obey the cultural preferences of their owners, who seem happy enough to accept the deviations. Children can offer small windows of opportunity, although their parents usually apologize profusely for behavior that I find only adorable, not rude in the least. Any perceived committed rudeness will generally result in profuse apologies, which is really often the only contact that I'll have with strangers.
In any case, I expect that my public persona will become colder for the duration of my stay, and that's fine. I don't expect to emerge from this situation unchanged, and that would kind of negate the whole point of this trip, to a certain degree, if I did. I'm not particularly worried about being isolated, because I'll be living about a 5 minute walk from Wayo and I have both old and new friends here already. Working should also greatly increase my pool of contacts and friends and there's always the internet if I'm feeling really desperate for human contact. I do badly want to get a solid internet connection as soon as possible so I can just make some phone calls back home. I would like to actually talk to my peoples.
I guess that brings us full circle. Time to stop, then.
Ichikawa
So, I spent the day in Ichikawa, which is where I'll be living for the next month. I took my current couchsurfing host, Josh, with me as well. It took about an hour to get to Ichikawa from Tsurumi, which is where Josh's house is located. Once in Ichikawa, we met up with a bunch of the girls from Wayo, who I know from my various summer programs at PSU's International Program. Rebecca, the assistant director of Wayo's International Program, hosted a party at her very nice apartment, where I'll be staying on Tuesday night. I move into my new place on Wednesday, and it's about a 5 minute drive from Rebecca's apartment, so that should work out very well. The party was fun. Rebecca and Akemi bought a ton of food, which the girls cooked for me and Josh...once again, everything was delicious. The Japanese apparently never eat bad food.
Regarding work, it looks like I should be able to cobble together an income through a variety of methods that will not make me particularly rich, but will provide steady wages even if I don't nail down a full time job right away. I have already lined up a gig editing web pages to make them look and sound American, and Rebecca suggested a number of interesting possibilities in addition to that. I had resigned myself to teaching English, which I would probably enjoy in the right situation, but things are looking not quite so cut and dried. I'm most interested in getting a gig DJing on the radio, right at the moment, and apparently Rebecca has a contact or two up her sleeve who could possibly make that happen. Rebecca has a vast number of contacts, so she is going to be an invaluable resource no matter where I end up working. The only problem with putting together lots of small lines of income is that I will eventually need sponsorship from a company for a working visa, and I would need a full time job for that.
I'm off to Chinatown in Yokohama today and we'll just see how all that goes. Being here has been a very welcome distraction from the sadness, but it's still easy for me to kick it up if I think about things too long. Time.
Regarding work, it looks like I should be able to cobble together an income through a variety of methods that will not make me particularly rich, but will provide steady wages even if I don't nail down a full time job right away. I have already lined up a gig editing web pages to make them look and sound American, and Rebecca suggested a number of interesting possibilities in addition to that. I had resigned myself to teaching English, which I would probably enjoy in the right situation, but things are looking not quite so cut and dried. I'm most interested in getting a gig DJing on the radio, right at the moment, and apparently Rebecca has a contact or two up her sleeve who could possibly make that happen. Rebecca has a vast number of contacts, so she is going to be an invaluable resource no matter where I end up working. The only problem with putting together lots of small lines of income is that I will eventually need sponsorship from a company for a working visa, and I would need a full time job for that.
I'm off to Chinatown in Yokohama today and we'll just see how all that goes. Being here has been a very welcome distraction from the sadness, but it's still easy for me to kick it up if I think about things too long. Time.
Sunday, October 12, 2008
Jet lag sucks.
It's almost 5am and I've been wide awake for an hour. I passed out early last night, around 11, but it is apparently impossible for me to get more than 5 hours of sleep in Japan. Frustrating.
I'm near Yokohama, which is a southwestern district in Tokyo. It's much quieter here than in Shibuya and there are no foreigners at all. Aside from my new host, Josh, I've only seen one other white guy in the one day that I've been here. I think I prefer the bustle of Shibuya, but it's probably good to slow things down a little.
Last night we went out for beers and dinner at a Japanese restaurant. Everything I've had to eat here has been ridiculously awesome, with the exception of a sandwich that I bought yesterday in the train station...it was kinda crappy. Anyway, we spent way too much money, which is officially going to have to stop pretty much immediately...ramen and cheap beer, here I come.
Today I'm going to my welcome-to-Tokyo party in Chiba with all of the girls I worked with last summer and probably a few from the previous years as well. I'm really excited to see everyone, although I am really tired of being tired. Maybe tonight I can kick my internal clock over once and for all. I'm thinking it's doubtful, though.
All right, I'm going to lay back down and probably not sleep at all. Lameness.
I'm near Yokohama, which is a southwestern district in Tokyo. It's much quieter here than in Shibuya and there are no foreigners at all. Aside from my new host, Josh, I've only seen one other white guy in the one day that I've been here. I think I prefer the bustle of Shibuya, but it's probably good to slow things down a little.
Last night we went out for beers and dinner at a Japanese restaurant. Everything I've had to eat here has been ridiculously awesome, with the exception of a sandwich that I bought yesterday in the train station...it was kinda crappy. Anyway, we spent way too much money, which is officially going to have to stop pretty much immediately...ramen and cheap beer, here I come.
Today I'm going to my welcome-to-Tokyo party in Chiba with all of the girls I worked with last summer and probably a few from the previous years as well. I'm really excited to see everyone, although I am really tired of being tired. Maybe tonight I can kick my internal clock over once and for all. I'm thinking it's doubtful, though.
All right, I'm going to lay back down and probably not sleep at all. Lameness.
Saturday, October 11, 2008
I'm going to freak out if I don't find a stable internet connection soon. This shit is ridiculous. I dragged this stupid laptop 5000 miles...I'd like to be able to use it, for the love of god.
Awright, so, last night Doug and I met up with Doug's friend, Steve. Friday nights in Tokyo are, as you would expect, totally insane. The train stations are jammed and the public squares around them are equally busy. We met Steve in Shibuya again, which is an up-scale neighborhood with a lot of young, fashionable people, and then proceeded to have dinner at a Korean grill. It was delicious. I had my first cow tongue...tastes like beef. Shocking. The fun part of the Korean grilling experience is that you actually grill your own food. They bring you a crucible with a super hot fire inside, and you go ahead and grill your meats and veggies. If you know me, you know that I do love the grilling, and I have to say that I'm a fan of Korean food. Look for yakiniku if you come to Japan.
After dinner, we wound our way through the back alleys of Shibuya, perused some of its seedier shops, and then headed for a standing bar that is popular with gaijin (foreigners) and natives alike. We stayed for an hour or so and had a few beers before departing back to the station and heading south to another district whose name I currently cannot remember. Once there, we saw a band fronted by a chunky, vaguely Elvis-like Japanese guy sing rock and roll covers. The band was good, but the beers were 9 fucking dollars each. Out. Rageous. On the other hand, it was nice to have a few Bass Ales, a good British beer that my departed friend Scottie used to adore, and Steve and Doug did a lot of the buying. In fact, Doug and Steve did all of the buying, so that was cool.
It's good to be making new friends here...seems like I have a knack for it, which is constantly surprising to my socially awkward inner 14-year-old. On that note, I collected no fewer than 3 new contacts yesterday alone, and 2 of them are potential job contacts...that's without even trying, so I'm feeling pretty good about the job thing at the moment. Doug seems to think that it should be not only easy, but that I should be selective and make sure that I find a job with the biggest bang for the buck...that's starting to look like good advice.
So, anyway. My first full day in Tokyo was officially a blast and I have a big pile of pictures. Hell yeah.
http://www.facebook.com/photos.php?id=1302096253#/album.php?aid=7705&id=1302096253
Awright, so, last night Doug and I met up with Doug's friend, Steve. Friday nights in Tokyo are, as you would expect, totally insane. The train stations are jammed and the public squares around them are equally busy. We met Steve in Shibuya again, which is an up-scale neighborhood with a lot of young, fashionable people, and then proceeded to have dinner at a Korean grill. It was delicious. I had my first cow tongue...tastes like beef. Shocking. The fun part of the Korean grilling experience is that you actually grill your own food. They bring you a crucible with a super hot fire inside, and you go ahead and grill your meats and veggies. If you know me, you know that I do love the grilling, and I have to say that I'm a fan of Korean food. Look for yakiniku if you come to Japan.
After dinner, we wound our way through the back alleys of Shibuya, perused some of its seedier shops, and then headed for a standing bar that is popular with gaijin (foreigners) and natives alike. We stayed for an hour or so and had a few beers before departing back to the station and heading south to another district whose name I currently cannot remember. Once there, we saw a band fronted by a chunky, vaguely Elvis-like Japanese guy sing rock and roll covers. The band was good, but the beers were 9 fucking dollars each. Out. Rageous. On the other hand, it was nice to have a few Bass Ales, a good British beer that my departed friend Scottie used to adore, and Steve and Doug did a lot of the buying. In fact, Doug and Steve did all of the buying, so that was cool.
It's good to be making new friends here...seems like I have a knack for it, which is constantly surprising to my socially awkward inner 14-year-old. On that note, I collected no fewer than 3 new contacts yesterday alone, and 2 of them are potential job contacts...that's without even trying, so I'm feeling pretty good about the job thing at the moment. Doug seems to think that it should be not only easy, but that I should be selective and make sure that I find a job with the biggest bang for the buck...that's starting to look like good advice.
So, anyway. My first full day in Tokyo was officially a blast and I have a big pile of pictures. Hell yeah.
http://www.facebook.com/photos.php?id=1302096253#/album.php?aid=7705&id=1302096253
Day 1 on the ground.
Today I rolled around Tokyo by myself. I spent most of my day in Shibuya and Harajuku, both of which are relatively close to my couchsurfing host's house. Doug, my host, has a very nice apartment in Shibuya near the Komazawa Daigaku Station. He's an interesting guy...PhD in chemical engineering, but is currently working from his home as a counselor/life coach. As a couchsurfing host, he's pretty much been awesome, carefully giving me instructions and making sure that I don't get lost. The thing is, of course, that no amount of instruction can prepare you for running around in a city of this size when you are functionally illiterate and have only a basic command of the language. Luckily for me, the Japanese locals have been super accommodating and helpful, which I was told would be the case.
This morning, for example, I was attempting to take the subway to Shibuya Station, a major traffic hub. A very nice young Japanese couple with an utterly adorable toddler noticed that I was clearly having some trouble, and asked me if I need help. I gratefully agreed to accept the assistance, and they showed me which train to ride and where to get off. Later, I failed to figure out how to calculate my own fares, but the old brain kicked in while I was pondering the problem over coffee (of course), and I then easily made my way over to the Meiji jingu (shrine) where the Emporer Meiji was deified after his death in the late 19th century. It was really cool, and I'm feeling now that I can successfully navigate the subways on my own without getting totally lost.
While I was having coffee, I priced french presses, which Starbucks had for 5500 yen...almost exactly $55 at the current conversion rate. I think I'll be waiting until I have an income flow, but I'm pretty sure that I can get it cheaper elsewhere. The dollar is tanking, which sucks, but that will be fine when I start collecting paychecks in yen. Some inflation in the states would actually help out a lot with my student loan debt, so...go inflation.
Doug and I are headed back out to Shibuya for dinner and drinks. Should be a fun night.
Once again, since I am internet-free, I will post this at the next available opportunity.
This morning, for example, I was attempting to take the subway to Shibuya Station, a major traffic hub. A very nice young Japanese couple with an utterly adorable toddler noticed that I was clearly having some trouble, and asked me if I need help. I gratefully agreed to accept the assistance, and they showed me which train to ride and where to get off. Later, I failed to figure out how to calculate my own fares, but the old brain kicked in while I was pondering the problem over coffee (of course), and I then easily made my way over to the Meiji jingu (shrine) where the Emporer Meiji was deified after his death in the late 19th century. It was really cool, and I'm feeling now that I can successfully navigate the subways on my own without getting totally lost.
While I was having coffee, I priced french presses, which Starbucks had for 5500 yen...almost exactly $55 at the current conversion rate. I think I'll be waiting until I have an income flow, but I'm pretty sure that I can get it cheaper elsewhere. The dollar is tanking, which sucks, but that will be fine when I start collecting paychecks in yen. Some inflation in the states would actually help out a lot with my student loan debt, so...go inflation.
Doug and I are headed back out to Shibuya for dinner and drinks. Should be a fun night.
Once again, since I am internet-free, I will post this at the next available opportunity.
Friday, October 10, 2008
The Journey, Part 2.
So, as predicted, the sleeping didn't really happen. I'm currently riding on an express bus across Tokyo. As before, I do not have an active internet connection, but I will post this at the earliest available opportunity.
I was met at the airport by Yukari and Mariko, friends from this summer's program. They live close to the Narita airport, which is convenient, and they seem to like me all right, so everything is working out well. It was really nice to see some very friendly faces. I didn't have any problems at all with customs and immigration, so that was a bit of unnecessary worrying. All in all, though, I've done remarkably little unnecessary worrying about this trip, so I think I'm probably due for at least a little. In any case, I'm good here for 90 days with no hassles. Now, for a job...
So far Tokyo doesn't look that different than any other big city*, although we are riding in the left side of the lane. Also, I've seen the airport and a small stretch of highway, so I think I'll withhold judgment for a minute. As the plane flew over Japan, I did notice that the countryside looks really different than the United States. American farms have carefully parceled out chunks of individuality. The farm has a big, square plot with a farmhouse, a barn, and a few outbuildings, a remnant of colonial and 19th century surveying practices. Go homesteaders! Japanese farmland, by contrast, is sliced into smaller parcels that are bordered by houses, water, and trees. From the air, it's actually quite beautiful. The plots and housing developments seem to follow the natural shape of the land, instead of imposing a grand new order upon it.
*Tokyo looks way the hell different than other cities. That statement was premature.
I'll put up another update in a day or two, my internet access is limited and expensive, so far.
I was met at the airport by Yukari and Mariko, friends from this summer's program. They live close to the Narita airport, which is convenient, and they seem to like me all right, so everything is working out well. It was really nice to see some very friendly faces. I didn't have any problems at all with customs and immigration, so that was a bit of unnecessary worrying. All in all, though, I've done remarkably little unnecessary worrying about this trip, so I think I'm probably due for at least a little. In any case, I'm good here for 90 days with no hassles. Now, for a job...
So far Tokyo doesn't look that different than any other big city*, although we are riding in the left side of the lane. Also, I've seen the airport and a small stretch of highway, so I think I'll withhold judgment for a minute. As the plane flew over Japan, I did notice that the countryside looks really different than the United States. American farms have carefully parceled out chunks of individuality. The farm has a big, square plot with a farmhouse, a barn, and a few outbuildings, a remnant of colonial and 19th century surveying practices. Go homesteaders! Japanese farmland, by contrast, is sliced into smaller parcels that are bordered by houses, water, and trees. From the air, it's actually quite beautiful. The plots and housing developments seem to follow the natural shape of the land, instead of imposing a grand new order upon it.
*Tokyo looks way the hell different than other cities. That statement was premature.
I'll put up another update in a day or two, my internet access is limited and expensive, so far.
The Journey
I'm writing this entry from 36000 feet above the Pacific Ocean and will post it to my blog upon landing.
For reasons that I don't entirely understand, we've been traveling north and west, skirting North American landmass for most of the way. It's possible that we are simply following the curvature of the earth in the most direct line to Tokyo, but that seems really unlikely. I'm thinking that we may be following the path of the least head wind to conserve fuel. Just a theory.
Alaska was amazingly desolate. I've never flown over an area that had so little evidence of human activity. No visible roads, towns, or crops of any kind...just mountains and wetlands and snow. Really beautiful. Too bad their governor sucks so very deeply.
We are approaching the International Date Line and the outside air temperature is about 60 below zero Celsius. We're 4.5 hours into the Tokyo flight, and there are about 5.5 to go. I've been trying to sleep, but napping in the upright position is a skill that I've never acquired.
I'm a little concerned about getting through customs. I had a DUI when I was 19, and I listed it on the customs form. I'm not about to start lying about my life in official documentation, but I've heard of travelers getting hassled for such things before. I also don't have a return ticket, which could also potentially pose a problem. I guess we'll see how much they want to press me on it.
Awright, I'm slapping on the headphones and going to try this sleep thing again. We'll see...
For reasons that I don't entirely understand, we've been traveling north and west, skirting North American landmass for most of the way. It's possible that we are simply following the curvature of the earth in the most direct line to Tokyo, but that seems really unlikely. I'm thinking that we may be following the path of the least head wind to conserve fuel. Just a theory.
Alaska was amazingly desolate. I've never flown over an area that had so little evidence of human activity. No visible roads, towns, or crops of any kind...just mountains and wetlands and snow. Really beautiful. Too bad their governor sucks so very deeply.
We are approaching the International Date Line and the outside air temperature is about 60 below zero Celsius. We're 4.5 hours into the Tokyo flight, and there are about 5.5 to go. I've been trying to sleep, but napping in the upright position is a skill that I've never acquired.
I'm a little concerned about getting through customs. I had a DUI when I was 19, and I listed it on the customs form. I'm not about to start lying about my life in official documentation, but I've heard of travelers getting hassled for such things before. I also don't have a return ticket, which could also potentially pose a problem. I guess we'll see how much they want to press me on it.
Awright, I'm slapping on the headphones and going to try this sleep thing again. We'll see...
Thursday, October 9, 2008
Here we go, people.
It's 8:09. In a few minutes, I'm headed off to the Portland International Airport to board my flight to Seattle. From there, I'll have about an hour and a half layover, and then it's off to Narita International Airport, Japan's second largest airport. Once I arrive in Japan, I'm being greeted by a couple of friends from my job over the summer.
I'm reminded of the day that my love left me, almost exactly 4 months ago, to begin her great transformational adventure. Mine starts today, and, in a way, ends today as well. Just getting myself to this point has been one of the hardest things I've ever done.
Anyway...my alarm just went off, which means that it's time to brush my teeth and get my ass to the airport.
I'm reminded of the day that my love left me, almost exactly 4 months ago, to begin her great transformational adventure. Mine starts today, and, in a way, ends today as well. Just getting myself to this point has been one of the hardest things I've ever done.
Anyway...my alarm just went off, which means that it's time to brush my teeth and get my ass to the airport.
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
OK, crunch time.
I'm making final preparations and saying final goodbyes. It's almost time. I'm wondering if I should be afraid yet? I've felt a couple of twinges of the fear, but I'm mostly feeling this in a very zen sort of way.
Maybe on the plane...
Maybe on the plane...
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
I have my first week in Tokyo pretty well planned out, now, I guess. As previously mentioned, my first 2 nights will be spent in the western part of Tokyo, followed by camping somewhere (?) in Japan. Not sure what that will look like, yet.
The new twist is that I'll be apparently going to a job interview on Friday. It's through the same recruiter that I nearly had a job with in August of this year, a job that failed to pan out and, as such, pretty deeply screwed my life up in ways that I will probably be feeling the fallout from for years. Naturally, I'll have to shave and get a haircut for the interview, which, of course, I fucking hate. However, having a job is way, way more important than not having a job for the sake of being resentful about barbarically scraping my face, so I will suck it up and do what is necessary. The gig is apparently in a pretty loaded neighborhood in Tokyo, and it sounds like I will probably get a housing stipend as a part of my contract in order to cover the outrageous housing costs, so it could end up being a pretty sweet deal, especially given the potential for lucrative private tutoring. We will see what happens, won't we?
Following the camping and interview, I'll be spending a couple of nights with one of the campers, couchsurfing at his place...following that, it looks like I have an apartment lined up in the eastern part of Tokyo for at least a month. It's conveniently located near some of my Japanese contacts, so that will be nice in the short term, anyway, although it will suck if I'm working in western Tokyo and commuting from eastern Tokyo. Guess we'll find out...
The new twist is that I'll be apparently going to a job interview on Friday. It's through the same recruiter that I nearly had a job with in August of this year, a job that failed to pan out and, as such, pretty deeply screwed my life up in ways that I will probably be feeling the fallout from for years. Naturally, I'll have to shave and get a haircut for the interview, which, of course, I fucking hate. However, having a job is way, way more important than not having a job for the sake of being resentful about barbarically scraping my face, so I will suck it up and do what is necessary. The gig is apparently in a pretty loaded neighborhood in Tokyo, and it sounds like I will probably get a housing stipend as a part of my contract in order to cover the outrageous housing costs, so it could end up being a pretty sweet deal, especially given the potential for lucrative private tutoring. We will see what happens, won't we?
Following the camping and interview, I'll be spending a couple of nights with one of the campers, couchsurfing at his place...following that, it looks like I have an apartment lined up in the eastern part of Tokyo for at least a month. It's conveniently located near some of my Japanese contacts, so that will be nice in the short term, anyway, although it will suck if I'm working in western Tokyo and commuting from eastern Tokyo. Guess we'll find out...
Saturday, October 4, 2008
Mission: Japan.
I have my first 2 nights lined up with a host via a site called couchsurfing.com. It's basically a useful version of myspace, facebook, etc. Travelers and those who have couches and are interested in hosting those who are traveling meet up online, make arrangements, and then the traveler comes and crashes at that very generous person's home. It's a pretty sweet deal for the traveler, and the host gets some interesting company and makes contacts around the world.
So, the first two nights, I am crashing at Doug's place, a CSer, as they call themselves. The next nights, Saturday, I'll be camping somewhere outside of Tokyo with another group of CSers, and then, ideally, staying Sunday and Monday night with one of the campers. Eventually, I'll need to transition into a hostel and I'm also looking at apartments, but, in the meantime, couchsurfing will provide me with some friends and acquaintances who are, largely, also travelers, whether expatriates like myself or native Japanese.
Camping sounds like a really ideal way to decompress from the trip and the culture shock. I'm also hoping that there will be onsen, natural Japanese hot springs, involved in the trip. Japan is a volcanic country, and they're pretty much all over the place.
So. Excited.
So, the first two nights, I am crashing at Doug's place, a CSer, as they call themselves. The next nights, Saturday, I'll be camping somewhere outside of Tokyo with another group of CSers, and then, ideally, staying Sunday and Monday night with one of the campers. Eventually, I'll need to transition into a hostel and I'm also looking at apartments, but, in the meantime, couchsurfing will provide me with some friends and acquaintances who are, largely, also travelers, whether expatriates like myself or native Japanese.
Camping sounds like a really ideal way to decompress from the trip and the culture shock. I'm also hoping that there will be onsen, natural Japanese hot springs, involved in the trip. Japan is a volcanic country, and they're pretty much all over the place.
So. Excited.
Friday, October 3, 2008
Out with the old, in with the new.
My name is Ryan. I grew up in the northeast corner of Iowa in a small college town called Decorah. Life there is idyllic for some and terribly difficult for others and everything in between for most. I fell into the "terribly difficult" category and fled to Portland, Oregon at the first available opportunity.
Fast forward 12 years: I've just finished my first college degree, a B.A. in Liberal Studies. I minored in physics and history, earned myself a pretty nifty GPA, and was exposed to many, many fascinating fields. I could have studied any of number of them more extensively, but was required by certain financial realities to graduate after 5 nice years of college. One of the subjects that interested me, and that I studied fairly intensively, was Japanese language and culture. Eventually, I began working with Japanese college students, usually groups of girls.
I knew that I wanted some time after my graduation to think about my next step in life, graduate school, and going to Japan seemed like the best possible option, especially now, given the failure of certain other options that seemed really impossibly ideal.
So. I have:
1) a one-way ticket to Japan.
2) a few grand in the bank.
3) a list of contacts who might help me find work.
4) a suit.
5) a passport.
6) sold all of my stuff.
7) dropped off my cat at the parents' house.
8) broken off a very wonderful relationship.
I'm leaving with a broken-but-mending heart and a nearly total lack of any idea of what my future in Japan will look like, or if I even have one beyond a few weeks or a month. For good or for bad, these are very exciting times. Stay tuned.
Fast forward 12 years: I've just finished my first college degree, a B.A. in Liberal Studies. I minored in physics and history, earned myself a pretty nifty GPA, and was exposed to many, many fascinating fields. I could have studied any of number of them more extensively, but was required by certain financial realities to graduate after 5 nice years of college. One of the subjects that interested me, and that I studied fairly intensively, was Japanese language and culture. Eventually, I began working with Japanese college students, usually groups of girls.
I knew that I wanted some time after my graduation to think about my next step in life, graduate school, and going to Japan seemed like the best possible option, especially now, given the failure of certain other options that seemed really impossibly ideal.
So. I have:
1) a one-way ticket to Japan.
2) a few grand in the bank.
3) a list of contacts who might help me find work.
4) a suit.
5) a passport.
6) sold all of my stuff.
7) dropped off my cat at the parents' house.
8) broken off a very wonderful relationship.
I'm leaving with a broken-but-mending heart and a nearly total lack of any idea of what my future in Japan will look like, or if I even have one beyond a few weeks or a month. For good or for bad, these are very exciting times. Stay tuned.
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